Jaffery by William J. Locke

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"Wait," said I, and I read--

"--poor Prescott's wife. I don't think you ever knew Prescott, but
he was a good sort. He died of typhoid. Only quaggas and yaks and
other iron-gutted creatures like myself can stand Albania. I'm
escorting her to England, so look out for us. How's everybody? Do
you ever hear of Adrian? If so, collar him. I want to work the
widow off on him. She has a goodish deal of money and is a kind of
human dynamo. The best thing in the world for Adrian."

Adrian confounded the fellow. I continued--

"Prepare then for the Dynamic Widow. Love to Barbara, the fairy
grasshopper--"

"Who's that?"

"My daughter, Susan Freeth. The last time he saw her, she was
hopping about in a green jumper--Barbara would give you the
elementary costume's commercial name."

"--and yourself," I read. "By the way, do you know of a
granite-built, iron-gated, portcullised, barbicaned, really
comfortable home for widows?

Yours, Jaffery."

Without waiting for comment from Adrian, I went with the letter into the
drawing room, he following. I handed it to Barbara, who ran it through.

"That's just like Jaffery. He tells us nothing."

"I think he has told us everything," said I.

"But who and what and whence is this lady?"

"Goodness knows!" said I.

"Therefore, he has told us nothing," retorted Barbara. "My own belief is
that she's a Brazilian."

"But what," asked Adrian, "would a lone Brazilian female be doing in the
Balkans?"

"Looking for a husband, of course," said Barbara.

And like all wise men when staggered by serene feminine asseveration we
bowed our heads and agreed that nothing could be more obvious.

CHAPTER II

Some weeks passed; but we heard no more of Jaffery Chayne. If he had
planted his widow there, in Cettinje, and gone off to Central Africa we
should not have been surprised. On the other hand, he might have walked
in at any minute, just as though he lived round the corner and had
dropped in casually to see us.

In the meantime events had moved rapidly for Adrian. Everybody was
talking about his book; everybody was buying it. The rare phenomenon of
the instantaneous success of a first book by an unknown author was
occurring also in America. Golden opinions were being backed by golden
cash. Adrian continued to draw on his publishers, who, fortunately for
them, had an American house. Anticipating possible alluring proposals
from other publishers, they offered what to him were dazzling and
fantastic terms for his next two novels. He accepted. He went about the
world wearing Fortune like a halo. He achieved sudden fame; fame so
widespread that Mr. Jornicroft heard of it in the city, where he
promoted (and still promotes) companies with monotonous success. The
result was an interview to which Adrian came wisely armed with a note
from his publisher as to sales up to date, and the amazing contract
which he had just signed. He left the house with a father's blessing in
his ears and an affianced bride's kisses on his lips. The wedding was
fixed for September. Adrian declared himself to be the happiest of God's
creatures and spent his days in joy-sodden idleness. His mother, with
tears in her eyes, increased his allowance.

The book that created all this commotion, I frankly admit, held me
spellbound. It deserved the highest encomiums by the most enthusiastic
reviewers. It was one of the most irresistible books I had ever read. It
was a modern high romance of love and pity, of tears iridescent with
laughter, of strong and beautiful though erring souls; it was at once
poignant and tender; it vibrated with drama; it was instinct with calm
and kindly wisdom. In my humility, I found I had not known my Adrian one
little bit. As the shepherd of old who had a sort of patronizing
affection for the irresponsible, dancing, flute-playing, goat-footed
creature of the woodland was stricken with panic when he recognised the
god, so was I convulsed when I recognised the genius of my friend
Adrian. And the fellow still went on dancing and flute-playing and I
stared at him open-mouthed.

Mr. Jornicroft, who was a widower, gave a great dinner party at his
house in Park Crescent, in honour of the engagement. My wife and I
attended, fishes somewhat out of water amid this brilliant but solid
assembly of what it pleased Barbara to call "merchantates." She
expressed a desire to shrink out of the glare of the diamonds; but she
wore her grandmother's pearls, and, being by far the youngest and
prettiest matron present, held her own with the best of them. There were
stout women, thin women, white-haired women, women who ought to have
been white-haired, but were not; sprightly and fashionable women; but
besides Barbara, the only other young woman was Doria herself.

She took us aside, as soon as we were released from the formal welcome
of Mr. Jornicroft, a thickset man with a very bald head and heavy black
moustache.

"The sight of you two is like a breath of fresh air. Did you ever meet
with anything so stuffy?"

Now, considering that all these prosperous folks had come to do her
homage I thought the remark rather ungracious.

"It's apt to be stuffy in July in London," I said.

She laid her hand on Barbara's wrist and pointed at me with her fan.

"He thinks he's rebuking me. But I don't care. I'm glad to see him all
the same. These people mean nothing but money and music-halls and bridge
and restaurants--I'm so sick of it. You two mean something else."

"Don't speak sacrilegiously of restaurants, even though you are going to
marry a genius," said I. "There is one in Paris to which Adrian will
take you straight--like a homing bird."

"Wherever Adrian takes me, it will be beautiful," she said defiantly.

My little critical humour vanished, for she looked so valiantly adorable
in her love for the man. She was very small and slenderly made, with
dark hair, luminous eyes, and ivory-white complexion, a sensitive nose
and mouth, a wisp of nerves and passion. She carried her head high and,
for so diminutive a person, appeared vastly important.

Adrian, released from an ex-Lady Mayoress, came up all smiles, to greet
us. Doria gave him a glance which in spite of my devotion to Barbara and
my abhorrence of hair's breadth deviation from strict monogamy dealt me
a pang of unregenerate jealousy. There is only one man in the universe
worthy of being so regarded by a woman; and he is oneself. Every
true-minded man will agree with me. She was inordinately proud of him;
proud too of herself in that she had believed in him and given him her
love long before he became famous. Adrian's eyes softened as they met
the glance. He turned to Barbara.

"It's in a crowd like this that she looks so mysterious--an Elemental;
but whether of Earth, Air, Fire or Water, I shall spend my life trying
to discover."

The faintest flush possible mounted to that pure ivory-white cheek of
hers. She laughed and caught me by the arm.

"I must carry you to Lady Bagshawe--you're taking her in to dinner. Her
husband is Master of the Organ-Grinders' Company--"

"No, no, Doria," said I.

"--Well, it's some city company--I don't know--and she is a museum of
diseases and a gazetteer of cure places. Now you know where you are."

She led me to Lady Bagshawe. Soon afterwards we trooped down to dinner,
during which I learned more of my inside than I knew before, and more of
that of Lady Bagshawe than any of her most fervent adorers in their
wildest dreams could have ever hoped to ascertain; during which, also, I
endeavoured to convince an unknown, but agreeable lady on my left that I
did not play polo, whereat, it seemed, her eight brothers were experts;
and that Omar Khayyam was a contemporary not of the Prophet Isaiah, but
of William the Conqueror. As for the setting--I am not an observant
man--but I had an impression of much gold and silver and rare flora on
the table, great gold frames enclosing (I doubt not) costly pictures on
the walls, many desirable jewels on undesirable bosoms, strong though
unsympathetic masculine faces, and such food and drink as Lucullus, poor
fellow, did not live long enough to discover.

When the ladies retired, and we moved up towards our host, I found
myself between two groups; one discussing the mercantile depravity of a
gentleman called Wilmot, of whom I had never heard, the other arguing
on dark dilemmas connected with an Abyssinian loan. A vacant chair
happening to be by my side, Adrian, glass in hand, came round the table
and sat down.

"How are you getting on?"

"Well," said I. "Very well." I sipped my port. I recognised Cockburn
1870.

"You seemed rather at a loose end."

"When one has 1870 port to drink," said I, "why fritter away its flavour
in vain words?"

"It is damned good port," Adrian admitted.

"Earth holds nothing better," said I.

We lapsed into silence amid the talk on each side of us. I confess that
I rather surrendered myself to the wine. A little taper for cigarettes
happened to be in front of me; I held my glass in its light and lost
myself in the wine's pure depths of mystery and colour; and my mind
wandered to the lusty sunshine of "Lusitanian summers" that was there
imprisoned. I inhaled its fragrance, I accepted its exquisite and
spacious generosity. Wine, like bread and oil--"God's three chief
words"--is a thing of itself--a thing of earth and air and sun--one of
the great natural things, such as the stars and the flowers and the eyes
of a dog. Even the most mouth-twisting new wine of Northern Italy has
its fascination for me, in that it is essentially something apart from
the dust and empty racket of the world; how much more then this radiant
vintage suddenly awakened from its slumber in the darkness of forty
years. So I mused, as I think an honest man is justified in musing,
soberly, over a great wine, when suddenly my left eye caught Adrian's
face. He too was musing; but musing on unhappy things, for a hand seemed
to have swept his face and wiped the joy from it. He was gazing at his
half-emptied glass, with the short stem of which his fingers were
nervously toying. There was a quick snap. The stem broke and the wine
flowed over the cloth. He started, and with a flash the old Adrian came
back, manifesting itself in his smiling dismay, his boyish apology to
Mr. Jornicroft for smashing a rare glass, spoiling the tablecloth and
wasting precious wine. The incident served to disequilibrate, as one
might say, the two discussions on Wilmot and Abyssinia. Coffee came and
liqueurs. I bade farewell to Lusitanian dreams and found myself in heart
to heart conversation with my neighbour on the right, a florid,
simple-minded sugar-broker, a certain next-year's Sheriff of the City of
London, whose consuming ambition was to become a member of the Athenaeum
Club. When I informed him that I was privileged to enter that Valley of
Dry Bones--my late father, an eminent Assyriologist and a disastrous
Master of Fox hounds, had put me up for all sorts of weird institutions,
I think, before I was born--my sugar broker almost fell at my feet and
worshipped me. Although I told him that the premises were overrun with
Bishops and that we had laid down all kinds of episcopicide to no avail,
he refused to be disillusioned. I told him that on the occasion of my
last visit to the Megatherium--Thackeray, I explained--a Royal
Academician, with whom I had a slight acquaintance, reading desolate
"The Hibbert Journal" in the smoking-room, embraced me as fondly as the
austerity of the place permitted and related a non-drawing-room story
which was current at my preparatory school--and that in the library I
ran into an equally desolate, though even less familiar Archdeacon, who
seized me, like the Ancient Mariner, and never let me go until he had
impressed upon my mind the name and address of the only man in London
who could cut clerical gaiters. But the simple child of sugar would have
his way. There was but one Valhalla in London, and it was built by
Decimus Burton.

After that we joined the ladies for an unimportant half hour or so, and
then Barbara and I took our leave. As we were motoring home--we live
some thirty miles out of London--we discussed the dinner party,
according to the way of married folks, home-bound after a feast, and I
mentioned the trivial incident of Adrian and the broken glass. Why
should his face have been so haggard when he had everything to make him
happy?

"He was thinking of Mr. Jornicroft's previous insulting behaviour."

"How do you know?"

"He told me," said Barbara.

"I never knew Adrian to be seriously vindictive," said I.

"It strikes me, my dear," replied Barbara, taking my hand, "that you are
an old ignoramus."

And this from a woman who actively glories in not knowing how many "r's"
there are in "harassed."

She nestled up to me. "We're not going abroad in August, are we?"

"What?" I cried, "leave the English country during the only part of the
year that is not 'deformed with dripping rains or withered by a frost'?
Certainly not."

"But we did last year, and the year before."

"Pure accident. The year before, Susan was recovering from the measles
and you had some pretty frocks which you thought would look lovely at
Dinard. And last year you also had some frocks and insisted that
Houlgate was the only place where Susan could avoid being stricken down
by scarlet-fever."

"Anyhow," said my wife, "we're not going away this year, for I've fixed
up with Doria and Adrian to spend August at Northlands."

"Why didn't you tell me so at once? Why did you ask me whether we were
going away?"

"Because I knew we weren't," she answered.

In putting two questions at the same time, I blundered. The first was a
poser and might have elicited some interesting revelation of feminine
mental process. In forlorn hope I repeated it.

"Why, I've told you, stupid," said Barbara. "You've no objection to
their coming, have you?"

"Good Lord, no. I'm delighted."

"From the way you've argued, any one would have thought you didn't want
them."

Outraged by the illogic, I gasped; but she broke into a laugh.

"You silly old Hilary," she said. "Don't you see that Doria must get her
trousseau together and Adrian must find a house or a flat, that has to
be decorated and furnished, and the poor child hasn't a mother or any
sensible woman in the world to look after her but me?"

"I see," said I, "that you intend having the time of your life."

* * * * *

My prevision proved correct. In August came the engaged couple and every
day Barbara took them up to town and whirled them about from house-agent
to house-agent until she found a flat to suit them, and then from
emporium to emporium until she found furniture to suit the flat, and
from raiment-vendor to raiment-vendor until she equipped Doria to suit
the furniture. She used to return almost speechless with exhaustion; but
pantingly and with the glaze of victory in her eyes, she fought all her
battles o'er again and told of bargains won. In the meantime had it not
been for Susan, I should have lived in the solitude of an anchorite. We
spent much time in the garden which we (she less conscious of irony than
I) called our desert island. I was Robinson Crusoe and she was Man
Friday, and on the whole we were quite happy; perhaps I should have been
happier in a temperature of 80 deg. in the shade if I had not been forced to
wear the Polar bear rug from the drawing-room in representation of
Crusoe's goatskins. I did suggest that I should be Robinson Crusoe's
brother, who wore ordinary flannels, and that she should be Woman
Wednesday. But Susan saw through the subterfuge and that game didn't
work. One afternoon, however, Barbara, returning earlier than usual,
caught us at it and expressing horror and indignation at the uses to
which the bearskin was put, metaphorically whipped me and sent me to bed
as being the elder of the naughty ones. After that we played at fairies
in a glade, which was much cooler.

It was in the evenings that I was loneliest; for then Barbara went early
to bed, and the lovers strolled about together in the moonlight. With
the intention, half-malicious, half-pitiful, of filling up my time,
Doria taught me a new and complicated Patience. Then finally, when
Doria, having spent a couple of polite minutes in the drawing-room, had
retired, and when I was tired out from the strain of the day and
half-asleep through weariness, Adrian would mix himself the longest
possible brandy and soda, light the longest possible cigar and try to
keep me up all night listening to his conversation.

At last, one Friday evening, while I was engaged in my forlorn and
unprofitable game, the butler entered the drawing-room with unperturbed
announcement:

"Mr. Chayne on the telephone, sir."

I sent the card table flying amid the wreckage of my lay-out and rushed
to the telephone.

"Hullo! That you, Jaff?"

"Yes, old man. Very much me. A devil of a lot of me. How are you?"

His strong bass boomed through the receiver. I have always found a
queer comfort in Jaffery's voice. It wraps you round about in thundering
waves. We exchanged the commonplaces of delighted greeting. I asked:

"When did you arrive?"

"A couple of days ago."

"Why on earth didn't you let me know at once?"

I heard him laugh. "I'll tell you when I see you. By the way, can
Barbara have me for the week-end?"

This was like Jaffery. Most men would have asked me, taking Barbara for
granted.

"Barbara would have you for the rest of time," said I. "And so would
Susan. I'll expect you by the 11 o'clock train."

"Right," said he.

"And, I say!"

"Yes?"

"Talking of fair ladies--what about--?"

"Oh, Hell!" came Jaffery's great voice. "She's here right enough."

"Where?" I asked.

"The Savoy. So is Euphemia--"

Euphemia was Jaffery's unmarried sister, as like to her brother as a
little wizened raisin is to a fat, bursting muscat grape.

"Euphemia has taken her on. Wants to convert her."

"Good Lord!" I cried. "Is she a Turk?"

"She's a problem." And his great laugh vibrated in my ears.

"Why not bring her down with Euphemia?"

"I want a couple of days off. I want a good quiet time, with no female
women about save Barbara and my fairy grasshopper whom, as you know, I
love to distraction."

"But will Euphemia be all right with her?"

I had not the faintest notion what kind of a creature the "problem" was.

"Right as rain. Euphemia has fixed up to take her to-morrow night to a
lecture on Tolstoi at the Lyceum Club, and to the City Temple on Sunday.
Ho! ho! ho!"

His Homeric laughter must have shattered the Trunk Telephone system of
Great Britain, for after that there was silence cold and merciless.
Well, perhaps it was just as well, for if we had been allowed to
converse further I might have told him that another female woman, Doria
Jornicroft, was staying at Northlands, and he might not have come.
Jaffery was always a queer fish where women were concerned. Not a
chilly, fishy fish, but a sort of Laodicean fish, now hot, now cold. I
have seen him shrink like a sensitive plant in the presence of an
ingenue of nineteen and royster in Pantagruelian fashion with a mature
member of the chorus of the Paris Opera; I ham e also known him to fly,
a scared Joseph, from the allurements of the charming wife of a Right
Honourable Sir Cornifer Potiphar, G.C.M.G., and sigh like a furnace in
front of an obdurate little milliner's place of business in Bond Street.
I do not, for the world, wish it to be supposed that I am insinuating
that my dear old Jaffery had no morals. He had--lots of them. He was
stuffed with them. But what they were, neither he nor I nor any one else
was ever able to define. As a general rule, however, he was shy of
strange women, and to that category did Doria belong.

When the lovers came in I told them my news. Adrian expressed
extravagant delight. A little tiny cloud flitted over Doria's brow.

"Shall I like him?" she asked.

"You'll adore him," cried Adrian.

"I'll try to, dear, because he seems to mean so much to you. Are you
going up to town with us to-morrow?"

"There's only a morning's fitting at a dressmaker--no place for me," he
laughed. "I'll stay and welcome old Jaffery."

Again the most transient of tiny little clouds. But I could not help
thinking that if Jaffery had been a woman instead of a mere man, there
would have been a thunderstorm.

When we were alone Adrian threw himself into a chair.

"Women are funny beings," he said. "I do believe Doria is jealous of old
Jaffery."

"You have every reason to be proud," said I, "of your psychological
acumen."

CHAPTER III

A fair-bearded, red-faced, blue-eyed, grinning giant got out of the
train and catching sight of us ran up and laid a couple of great
sun-glazed hands on my shoulders.

"Hullo! hullo! hullo!" he shouted, and gripping Adrian in his turn,
shouted it again. He made such an uproar that people stuck wondering
heads out of the carriage windows. Then he thrust himself between us,
linked our arms in his and made us charge with him down the quiet
country platform. A porter followed with his suit-case.

"Why didn't you tell me that the Man of Fame was with you?"

"I thought I'd give you a pleasant surprise," said I.

"I met Robson of the Embassy in Constantinople--you remember Robson of
Pembroke--fussy little cock-sparrow--he'd just come from England and was
full of it. You seem to have got 'em in the neck. Bully! Bully!"

Adrian took advantage of the narrow width of the exit to release himself
and I, who went on with Jaffery, looking back, saw him rub himself
ruefully, as though he had been mauled by a bear.

"And how's everybody?" Jaffery's voice reverberated through the subway.
"Barbara and the fairy grasshopper? I'm longing to see 'em. That's the
pull of being free. You can adopt other fellows' wives and families. I'm
coming home now to my adopted wife and daughter. How are they?"

I answered explicitly. He boomed on till we reached the station yard,
where his eye fell upon a familiar object.

"What?" cried he. "Have you still got the Chinese Puffhard?"

The vehicle thus disrespectfully alluded to was an ancient, ancient car,
the pride of many a year ago, which sentiment (together with the
impossibility of finding a purchaser) would not allow me to sell. It had
been a splendid thing in those far-off days. It kept me in health. It
made me walk miles and miles along unknown and unfrequented roads. In
the aggregate I must have spent months of my life doing physical culture
exercises underneath it. You got into it at the back; it was about ten
feet high, and you started it at the side by a handle in its midriff.
But I loved it. It still went, if treated kindly. Barbara loathed it and
insulted it, so that with her as passenger, it sulked and refused to go.
But Susan's adoration surpassed even mine. Its demoniac groans and
rattles and convulsive quakings appealed to her unspoiled sense of
adventure.

"Barbara has gone away with the Daimler," said I, "and as I don't keep a
fleet of cars, I had to choose between this and the donkey-cart. Get in
and don't be so fastidious--unless you're afraid--"

He took no account of my sarcasm. His face fell. He made no attempt to
enter the car.

"Barbara gone away?"

I burst out laughing. His disappointment at not being welcomed by
Barbara at Northlands was so genuine and so childishly unconcealed.

"She'll be back in time for lunch. She had to run up to town on
business. She sent you her love and Susie will do the honours."

His face brightened. "That's all right. But you gave me a shock.
Northlands without Barbara--" He shook his head.

We drove off. The Chinese Puffhard excelled herself, and though she
choked asthmatically did not really stop once until we were half way up
the drive, when I abandoned her to the gardeners, who later on harnessed
the donkey to her and pulled her into the motor-house. We dismounted,
however, in the drive. A tiny figure in a blue smock came scuttling over
the sloping lawn. The next thing I saw was the small blue patch
somewhere in the upland region of Jaffery's beard. Then boomed forth
from him idiotic exclamations which are not worth chronicling,
accompanied by a duet of bass and treble laughter. Then he set her
astride of his bull neck and pitched his soft felt hat to Adrian to
hold.

"Hang on to my hair. It won't hurt," he commanded.

She obeyed literally, clawing two handfuls of his thick reddish shock in
her tiny grasp, and Jaffery lumbered along like an elephant with a robin
on his head, unconscious of her weight. We mounted to the terrace in
front of the house and having established my guests in easy chairs, I
went indoors to order such drink as would be refreshing on a sultry
August noon. When I returned I found Jaffery, with Susan on his knee,
questioning Adrian, after the manner of a primitive savage, on the
subject of "The Diamond Gate," and Adrian, delighted at the opportunity,
dazzling our simple-minded friend with publisher's statistics.

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