Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 1, September 12, 1841 by Various
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Various >> Punch, or the London Charivari, Vol. 1, September 12, 1841
[Illustration: DIVIDED ON THE MOTION.]
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In the Egyptian room of the British Museum is a statue of the deity IBIS,
between two mummies. This attracted the attention of Sibthorp, as he
lounged through the room the other day with a companion. "Why," said his
friend, "is that statue placed between the other two?" "To preserve it to
be sure," replied the keenly-witted Sib. "You know the old saying teaches
us, '_In medio tutissimus Ibis._'"
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PUNCH'S THEATRE.
THE LIFE AND DEATH OF JAMES DAWSON.
[Illustration: M]Mercy on us, what a code of morality--what a
conglomeration of plots (political, social, and domestic)--what an
exemplar of vice punished and virtue rewarded--is the "Newgate Calendar!"
and Newgate itself! what tales might it not relate, if its stones could
speak, had its fetters the gift of tongues!
But these need not be so gifted: the proprietor of the Victoria Theatre
supplies the deficiency: the dramatic edition of Old-Bailey experience he
is bringing out on each successive Monday, will soon be complete; and when
it is, juvenile Jack Sheppards and incipient Turpins may complete their
education at the moderate charge of sixpence per week. The
"intellectualization of the people" must not be neglected: the gallery of
the Victoria invites to its instructive benches the young, whose wicked
parents have neglected their education--the ignorant, who know nothing of
the science of highway robbery, or the more delicate operations of picking
pockets. National education is the sole aim of the sole lessee--money is
no object; but errand-boys and apprentices _must_ take their Monday
night's lessons, even if they rob the till. By this means an endless chain
of subjects will be woven, of which the Victoria itself supplies the
links; the "Newgate Calendar" will never be exhausted, and the cause of
morality and melodrama continue to run a triumphant career!
The leaf of the "Newgate Calendar" torn out last Monday for the
delectation and instruction of the Victoria audience, was the "Life and
Death of James Dawson," a gentleman rebel, who was very properly hanged in
1746.
The arrangement of incidents in this piece was evidently an appeal to the
ingenuity of the audience--our own penetration failed, however, in
unravelling the plot. There was a drunken, gaming, dissipated student of
St. John's, Cambridge--a friend in a slouched hat and an immense pair of
jack-boots, and a lady who delicately invites her lover (the hero) "to a
private interview and a cold collation." There is something about a
five-hundred-pound note and a gambling-table--a heavy throw of the dice,
and a heavier speech on the vices of gaming, by a likeness of the portrait
of Dr. Dilworth that adorns the spelling-books. The hero rushes off in a
state of distraction, and is followed by the jack-boots in pursuit; the
enormous strides of which leave the pursued but little chance, though he
has got a good start.
At another time two gentlemen appear in kilts, who pass their time in a
long dialogue, the purport of which we were unable to catch, for they were
conversing in stage-Scotch. A man then comes forward bearing a clever
resemblance to the figure-head of a snuff-shop, and after a few words with
about a dozen companions, the entire body proceed to fight a battle; which
is immediately done behind the scenes, by four pistols, a crash, and the
double-drummer, whose combined efforts present us with a representation
of--as the bills kindly inform us--the "Battle of Culloden!" The hero is
taken prisoner; but the villain is shot, and his jack-boots are cut off in
their prime.
James Dawson is not despatched so quickly; he takes a great deal of
dying,--the whole of the third act being occupied by that inevitable
operation. Newgate--a "stock" scene at this theatre--an execution, a lady
in black and a state of derangement, a muffled drum, and a "view of
Kennington Common," terminate the life of "James Dawson," who, we had the
consolation to observe, from the apathy of the audience, will not be put
to the trouble of dying for more than half-a-dozen nights longer.
Before the "Syncretic Society" publishes its next octavo on the state of
the Drama, it should send a deputation to the Victoria. There they will
observe the written and acted drama in the lowest stage it is possible for
even their imaginations to conceive. Even "Martinuzzi" will bear
comparison with the "Life and Death of James Dawson."
THE BOARDING SCHOOL.
At the "Boarding School" established by Mr. Bernard in the Haymarket
Theatre, young ladies are instructed in flirting and romping, together
with the use of the eyes, at the extremely moderate charges of five and
three shillings per lesson; those being the prices of admission to the
upper and lower departments of Mr. Webster's academy, which is hired for
the occasion by that accomplished professor of punmanship Bayle Bernard.
The course of instruction was, on the opening of the seminary, as
follows:--
The lovely pupils were first seen returning from their morning walk in
double file, hearts beating and ribbons flying; for they encountered at
the door of the school three yeomanry officers. The military being very
civil, the eldest of the girls discharged a volley of glances; and nothing
could exceed the skill and precision with which the ladies performed their
eye-practice, the effects of which were destructive enough to set the
yeomanry in a complete flame; and being thus primed and loaded for closer
engagements with their charming adversaries, they go off.
The scholars then proceed to their duties in the interior of the academy,
and we find them busily engaged in the study of "The Complete Loveletter
Writer." It is wonderful the progress they make even in one lesson; the
basis of it being a _billet_ each has received from the red-coats. The
exercises they have to write are answers to the notes, and were found, on
examination, to contain not a single error; thus proving the astonishing
efficacy of the Bernardian system of "Belles' Lettres."
Meanwhile the captain, by despatching his subalterns on special duty,
leaves himself a clear field, and sets a good copy in strategetics, by
disguising himself as a fruit-woman, and getting into the play-ground, for
the better distribution of apples and glances, lollipops and kisses,
hard-bake and squeezes of the hand. The stratagem succeeds admirably; the
enemy is fast giving way, under the steady fire of shells (Spanish-nut)
and kisses, thrown with great precision amongst their ranks, when the
lieutenant and cornet of the troop cause a diversion by an open attack
upon the fortress; and having made a practicable breach (in their
manners), enter without the usual formulary of summoning the governess.
She, however, appears, surrounded by her staff, consisting of a teacher
and a page, and the engagement becomes general. In the end, the yeomanry
are routed with great loss--their hearts being made prisoners by the
senior students of this "Royal Military Academy."
The yeomanry, not in the least dispirited by this reverse, plan a fresh
attack, and hearing that reinforcements are _en route_, in the persons of
the drawing, dancing, and writing masters of the "Boarding School," cut
off their march, and obtain a second entrance into the enemy's camp, under
false colours; which their accomplishments enable them to do, for the
captain is a good penman, the lieutenant dances and plays the fiddle, and
the cornet draws to admiration, especially--"at a month." Under such
instructors the young ladies make great progress, the governess being
absent to see after the imaginary daughter of a fictitious Earl of
Aldgate. On her return, however, she finds her pupils in a state of great
insubordination, and suspecting the teachers to be incendiaries, calls in
a major of yeomanry (who, unlike the rest of his troop, is an ally of the
lady), to put them out. The invaders, however, retreat by the window, but
soon return by the door in their uniform, to assist their major in
quelling the fears of the minors, and to complete the course of
instruction pursued at the Haymarket "Boarding School."
Mr. J. Webster, as _Captain Harcourt_, played as well as he could: and so
did Mr. Webster as _Lieutenant Varley_, which was very well indeed, for
_he_ cannot perform anything badly, were he to try. An Irish cornet, in
the mouth of Mr. F. Vining, was bereft of his proper brogue; but this loss
was the less felt, as Mr. Gough personated the English Major with the
_rale_ Tipperary tongue. _Mrs. Grosdenap_ was a perfect governess in the
hands of Mrs. Clifford, and the hoydens she presided over exhibited true
specimens of a finishing school, especially Miss P. Horton;--that careful
and pleasing _artiste_, who stamps character upon everything she does, and
individuality upon everything she says. In short, all the parts in the
"Boarding School" are so well acted, that one cannot help regretting when
it breaks up for the evening. The circulars issued by its proprietors
announce that it will be open every night, from ten till eleven, up to the
Christmas holidays.
As a subject, this is a perfectly fair, nay, moral one; despite some silly
opinions that have stated to the contrary. Satire, when based upon truth,
is the highest province of the stage, which enables us to laugh away folly
and wickedness, when they cannot be banished by direct exposure. Ladies'
boarding-schools form, in the mass, a gross and fearful evil, to which the
Haymarket author has cleverly awakened attention. Why they are an evil,
might be easily proved, but a theatrical critique in PUNCH is not
precisely the place for a discussion on female education.
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ENJOYMENT.
The "Council of the Dramatic Authors' Theatre" enticed us from home on
Monday last, by promising what as yet they have been unable to
perform--"Enjoyment." As usual, they obtained our company under false
pretences: for if any "enjoyment" were afforded by their new farce, the
actors had it all to themselves.
It is astonishing how vain some authors are of their knowledge of any
particular subject. Brewster monopolises that of the polarization of light
and kaleidoscopes--poor Davy surfeited us with choke damps and the safety
lantern--the author of "Enjoyment" is great on the subject of cook-shops;
the whole production being, in fact, a dramatic lecture on the "slap-bang"
system. _Mr. Bang_, the principal character, is the master of an
eating-house, to which establishment all the other persons in the piece
belong, and all are made to display the author's practical knowledge of
the internal economy of a cook-shop. Endless are the jokes about
sausages--roast and boiled beef are cut, and come to again, for a great
variety of facetiae--in short, the entire stock of fun is cooked up from
the bill of fare. The master gives his instructions to his "cutter" about
"working up the stale gravy" with the utmost precision, and the "sarver
out" undergoes a course of instruction highly edifying to inexperienced
waiters.
This burletta helps to develop the plan which it is the intention of the
"council" to follow up in their agonising efforts to resuscitate the
expiring drama. They, it is clear, mean to make the stage a vehicle for
instruction.
Miss Martineau wrote a novel called "Berkeley the Banker," to teach
political economy--the "council" have produced "Enjoyment" as an
eating-house keepers' manual, complete in one act. This mode of
dramatising the various guides to "trade" and to "service" is, however, to
our taste, more edifying than amusing; for much of the author's learning
is thrown away upon the mass of audiences, who are only waiters between
the acts. They cannot appreciate the nice distinctions between "buttocks
and rounds," neither does everybody perceive the wit of _Joey's_ elegant
toast, "Cheap beef and two-pence for the waiter!" This kind of
erudition--like that expended upon Chinese literature and the arrow-headed
hieroglyphics of Asia Minor--is confined to too small a class of the
public for extensive popularity, though it may be highly amusing to the
table-d'hote and ham-and-beef interest.
The chief beauty of the plot is its extreme simplicity; a half-dozen words
will describe it:--_Mr. Bang_ goes out for a day's "Enjoyment," and is
disappointed! This is the head and front of the farceur's offending--no
more. Any person eminently gifted with patience, and anxious to give it a
fair trial, cannot have a better opportunity of testing it than by
spending a couple of hours in seeing that single incident drag its slow
length along, and witnessing a new comedian, named Bass, roll his heavy
breadth about in hard-working attempts to be droll. As a specimen of
manual labour in comedy, we never saw the acting of this _debutant_
equalled.
We are happy to find that, determined to give "living _English_ dramatists
a clear stage and fair play," the "Council" are bringing forward a series
of stale translations from the _French_ in rapid succession. The "Married
Rake," and "Perfection,"--one by an author no longer "living," both loans
from the _Magasin Theatral_--have already appeared.
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FINE ARTS.
SUFFOLK-STREET GALLERY.--ART-UNION.
The members of this institution have, with their usual liberality, given
the use of their Galleries for the exhibition of the pictures selected by
the prize-holders of the Art-Union of London of the present year. The
works chosen are 133 in number; and as they are the representatives of
"charming variety," it is naturally to be expected that, in most
instances, the selection does not proclaim that perfect knowledge of the
material from which the 133 jewel-hunters have had each an opportunity of
choosing; nevertheless, it is a blessed reflection, and a proof of the
philanthropic adaptation of society to societies' means--a beneficent
dovetailing--an union of sympathies--that to every one painter who is
disabled from darting suddenly into the excellencies of his profession,
there are, at least, one thousand "connoisseurs" having an equal degree of
free-hearted ignorance in the matter, willing to extend a ready hand to
his weakly efforts, and without whose generosity he could never place
himself within the observation and patronage of the better informed in
art. As this lottery was formed to give an interest, indiscriminately, to
the mass who compose it, the setting apart so large a sum as L300 for a
prize is, in our humble opinion, anything but well judged.
The painter of a picture worth so high a sum needs not the assistance
which the lottery affords; and although it may be urged, that some one
possessing sufficient taste, but insufficient means to indulge that taste,
might, perchance, obtain the high prize, it is evident that such bald
reasoning is adduced only to support individual interest. The principle
is, consequently, inimical to those upon which the Art-Union of London was
founded; and, farther, it is most undeniable, that more general good, and
consequent satisfaction, would arise both to the painter and the public
(i.e. that portion of the public whose subscriptions form the support of
the undertaking), had the large prize been divided into two, four, or even
six other, and by no means inconsiderable ones. We are fully aware of the
benefits that have been conferred and received, and that must still
continue to be so, from this praiseworthy undertaking. As an observer of
these things, we cannot withhold expressing our opinions upon any part of
the system which, in honest thought, appears imperfect, or not so happily
directed as it might be. But should PUNCH become prosy, his audience will
vanish.
To prevent those visitors to this exhibition, who do not profess an
intimacy with the objects herein collected for their amusement, from being
misled by the supposititious circumstance of the highest prize having
commanded the best picture, we beg to point to their attention the
following peculiarities (by no means recommendatory) in the work selected
by the most fortunate of the _jewel-hunters_; it is catalogued "The
Sleeping Beauty," by D. Maclise, R.A., and assuredly painted with the most
independent disdain for either law or reason. Never has been seen so
signal a failure in attempting to obtain repose by the introduction of so
many sleeping figures. The appointment of parts to form the general whole,
the first and last aim of every other painter, D. Maclise, R.A., has most
gallantly disregarded. If there be effect, it certainly is not in the
right place, or rather there is no concentration of effect; it possesses
the glare of a coloured print, and that too of a meretricious
sort--incidents there are, but no plot--less effect upon the animate than
the inanimate. The toilet-table takes precedence of the lady--the couch
before the sleeper--the shadow, in fact, before the substance; and as it
is a sure mark of a vulgar mind to dwell upon the trifles, and lose the
substantial--to scan the dress, and neglect the wearer, so we opine the
capabilities of D. Maclise, R.A., are brought into requisition to
accommodate such beholders. He has, moreover, carefully avoided any
approximation to the vulgarity of flesh and blood, in his representations
of humanity; and has, therefore, ingeniously sought the delicacy of
Dresden china for his models. To conclude our notice, we beg to suggest
the addition of a torch and a rosin-box, which, with the assistance of Mr.
Yates, or the Wizard of the North, would render it perfect (whereas,
without these delusive adjuncts, it is not recognisable in its puppet-show
propensities) as a first-rate imitation of the last scene in a pantomime.
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