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The Man with the Clubfoot by Valentine Williams

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Monica laughed happily.

"Why do men always take us women to be fools?" she said. "You're a
dangerous man to have around, Des, I know that, without worrying my head
about any old secret. But you are my friend and Francis' brother and I'm
going to help you.

"Now, listen! Old von Boden was at that party last night: he came in
late. Rudi von Boden, he told me, is going to take despatches to
Rumania, to Mackensen's head-quarters. Well, I telephoned the old man
this morning and asked him if Rudi would take a parcel for me to Karl.
He said he would and the General is coming here to lunch to-day to fetch
it.

"Von Boden is an old beast and runs after every woman he meets. He is by
way of being partial to me, if you please, sir. I think I should be able
to find out from him what are the latest developments in your case.
There's nothing in the paper this morning about the affair at the
Esplanade. But then, these things are always hushed up."

"He'll hardly say much in the circumstances," I objected "After all,
the Kaiser is involved...."

"My dear Des, opinion of feminine intelligence in military circles in
this country is so low that the women in the army set at Court are very
often far better informed than the General Staff. Von Boden will tell me
all I want to know."

What a girl she was!

"About your friend, the clubfooted man," she went on, "I'm rather
puzzled. He must be a person of considerable importance to be fetched by
special train straight into the Emperor's private apartments, where very
few people ever penetrate, I assure you. But I've never heard of him.
He's certainly not a Court official. Nor is he the head of the Political
Police ... that's Henninger, a friend of Karl's. Still, there are people
of great importance working in dark places in this country and I guess
Clubfoot must be one of them.

"Now, I think I ought to take you into Gerry. I want to speak to you
about him, Des. I daren't tell him who you are. Gerry's not himself.
He's been a nervous wreck ever since his accident and I can't trust him.
He's a very conventional man and his principles would never hear of me
harbouring a ... a ..."

"Spy?" I suggested.

"No, a friend," she corrected. "So you'll just have to be a male nurse,
I guess. A German-American would be best, I think, as you'll have to
read the German papers to Gerry--he doesn't know a word of German. Then,
you must have a name of some kind...."

"Frederick Meyer," I suggested promptly, "from Pittsburg. It'll have to
be Pittsburg: Francis went there for a bit, you know: he wrote me a lot
about the place and I've seen pictures of it, too. It's the only
American city I know anything about."

"Let it be Meyer from Pittsburg, then," smiled Monica, "but you've got a
terrible English accent, Des. I guess we'll have to tell Gerry you were
years nursing in London before the war."

She hesitated a moment, then added:

"Des, I'm afraid you'll find Gerry very trying. He's awfully irritable
and ... and very spiteful. So you must be careful not to give yourself
away."

I had only met the brother once and my recollection of him was of a good
looking, rather spoilt young man. He had been brought up entirely in the
States by the Long Island uncle whose great fortune he had inherited.

"You'll be quite safe up here for the present," Monica went on. "You'll
sleep in the little room off Gerry's and I'll have your meals served
there too. After I have found out from the General how things stand,
we'll decide what's to be done next."

"I'll be very wary with Master Gerry," I said. "But, Monica, though he
has only seen me once, he knows Francis pretty well and we are rather
alike. Do you think he'll recognize me?"

"Why, Desmond, it's years since he saw you. And you're not much like
Francis with your moustache off. If you're careful, it'll be all right!
It isn't for long, either. Now we'll go in. Come along."

As we entered, a petulant voice cried:

"Is that you, Monica? Say, am I to be left alone all the morning?"

"Gerry dear," answered Monica very sweetly, "I've been engaging someone
to look after you a bit. Come here, Meyer! This is Frederick Meyer,
Gerry!"

I should never have recognized the handsome, rather indolent youth I had
met in London in the pale man with features drawn with pain who gazed
frowningly at me from the bed.

"Who is he? Where did you get him from? Does he know German?"

He shot a string of questions at Monica, who answered them in her sweet,
patient way.

He was apparently satisfied, for, when Monica presently got up to leave
us, he threw me an armful of German papers and bade me read to him.

I had not sat with him for ten minutes before I realized what an
impossible creature the man was. Nothing I could do was right. Now he
didn't want to hear the war news, then it was the report of the
Reichstag debate that bored him, now I didn't read loud enough, then my
voice jarred on him. Finally, he snatched the paper out of my hand.

"I can't understand half you say," he cried in accents shrill with
irritability; "you mouth and mumble like an Englishman. You say you are
an American?"

"Yes, sir," I answered meekly, "but I resided for many years in
England."

"Well, it's a good thing you're not there now. Those English are just
plumb crazy. They'll never whip Germany, not if they try for a century.
Why, look what this country has done in this war? Nothing can stand
against her! It's organization, that's what it is! The Germans lead the
world. Take their doctors! I have been to every specialist in America
about my back and paid them thousands of dollars. And what good did they
do me? Not a thing. I come to Germany, they charge me a quarter of the
fees, and I feel a different man already. Before tackling the Germans,
the English ..."

Thus he ran on. I knew the type well, the American who is hypnotized by
German efficiency and thoroughness so completely that he does not see
the reverse side of the medal.

He exhausted himself on the topic at last and bade me read to him again.

"Read about the affair at the Hotel Esplanade last night," he commanded.

I had kept an eye open for this very item but, as Monica had said, the
papers contained no hint of it. I wondered how Gerry knew about it.
Monica would not have told him.

"What affair do you mean?" I said. "There is nothing about it in the
papers."

"Of course there is, you fool. What is the use of my hiring you to read
the papers to me if you can't find news that's spread all over the
place? It's no use giving me the paper ... you know I can't read it!
Here, Josef will know!"

A man-servant had come noiselessly into the room with some clothes.

Gerry turned to him.

"Josef, where did you see that story you were telling me about an
English spy assaulting a man at the Esplanade last night?"

"Dot ain't in de paper, sir. I haf heard dis from de chauffeur of de
Biedermanns next door. He wass at de hotel himself wid hiss shentleman
lars' night at de dance. Dey won't put dat in no paper, sir."

And the man chuckled.

I felt none too comfortable during all this and was glad to be told to
read on and be damned.

I read to the young American all the morning. He went on exactly like a
very badly brought up child. He was fretful and quarrelsome and
sometimes abusive, and I had some difficulty in keeping my temper. He
continually recurred to my English accent and jeered so offensively and
so pointedly at what he called "your English friends" that I began to
believe there was some purpose behind his attitude. But it was only part
of his invalid's fractiousness, for when the valet, Josef, appeared with
the luncheon tray, the American seemed anxious to make amends for his
behaviour.

"I'm afraid I'm a bit trying at times, Meyer," he said with a pleasant
smile. "But you're a good fellow. Go and have your lunch. You needn't
come back till four: I always sleep after luncheon. Here, have a cigar!"

I took the cigar with all humility as beseemed my role and followed the
valet into an adjoining room, where the table was laid for me. I am
keenly sensitive to outside influences, and I felt instinctively
distrustful of the man Josef. I expect he resented my intrusion into a
sphere where his influence had probably been supreme and where he had
doubtless managed to secure a good harvest of pickings.

He left me to my luncheon and went away. After an excellent lunch,
washed down by some first-rate claret, I was enjoying my cigar over a
book when Josef reappeared again.

"The Frau Graefin will see you downstairs!" he said.

Monica received me in a morning-room (the apartment was on two floors).
She was very much agitated and had lost all her habitual calm.

"Des," she said, "von Boden has been here!"

"Well!" I replied eagerly.

"I wasn't very successful," she went on "I'm in deep water, Des, and
that's the truth. I have never seen the old General as he was to-day.
He's a frightful bully and tyrant, but even his worst enemy never
accused him of cowardice. But, Des, to-day the man was cowed. He seemed
to be in terror of his life and I had the greatest difficulty in making
him say anything at all about your affair.

"I made a joking allusion to the escapade at the hotel last night and he
said:

"'Yesterday may prove the ruin of not only my career but that of my
son's also. Yesterday gained for me as an enemy, Madam, a man whom it
spells ruin, perhaps death, to offend.'

"'You mean the Emperor?' I asked.

"'The Emperor!' he said. 'Oh! of course, he's furious. No, I was not
speaking of the Emperor!'

"Then he changed the subject and it took me all my tact to get back to
it. I asked him if they had caught the author of the attack at the
Esplanade. He said, no, but it was only a question of time: the fellow
couldn't escape. I said I supposed they would offer a reward and publish
a description of the assailant all over the country. He told me they
would do nothing of the sort.

"'The public will hear nothing about the affair,' he said, 'and if you
will take my advice, Countess, you will forget all about it. In any
case, the Princess Radolin is writing to all her guests at the ball last
night to urge them strongly to say nothing about the incident. The
employees of the hotel will keep their mouths shut. The interests at
stake forbid that there should be any attempt whatsoever made in public
to throw light on the affair.'

"That is all I could get out of him. But I have something further to
tell you. The General went away immediately after lunch. Almost as soon
as he had gone I was called to the telephone. Dr. Henninger was there:
he is the head of the Political Police, you know. He gave me the same
advice as the General, namely, to forget all about what occurred at the
Esplanade last night. And then the Princess Radolin rang me up to say
the same thing. She seemed very frightened: she was quite tearful.
Someone evidently had scared her badly."

"Monica," I said, "it's quite clear I can't stay here. My dear girl, if
I am discovered in your house, there is no knowing what trouble may not
come upon you."

"If there is any risk," she answered, "it's a risk I am ready to take.
You have nowhere to go to in Berlin, and if you are caught outside they
might find out where you had been hiding and then we should be as badly
off as before. No, you stay right on here, and maybe in a day or two I
can get you away. I've been thinking something out.

"Karl has a place near the Dutch frontier, Schloss Bellevue, it is
called, close to Cleves. It's an old place and has been in the family
for generations. Karl, however, only uses it as a shooting-box: we had
big shoots up there every autumn before the war.

"There has been no shooting there for two years now and the place is
overstocked with game. The Government has been appealing to people with
shooting preserves to kill their game and put it on the market, so I had
arranged to go up to Bellevue this month and see the agent about this. I
thought if I could prevail on Gerry to come with me, you could accompany
him and you might get across the Dutch frontier from there. It's only
about fifteen miles away from the Castle. If I can get a move on Gerry,
there is no reason why we shouldn't go away in a day or two. In the
meantime you'll be quite safe here."

I told her I must think it over: she seemed to be risking too much. But
I think my mind was already made up. I could not bring destruction on
this faithful friend.

Then I went upstairs again to Gerry, who was in as vile a temper as
before. His lunch had disagreed with him: he hadn't slept: the room was
not hot enough ... these were a few of the complaints he showered at me
as soon as I appeared. He was in his most impish and malicious mood. He
sent me running hither and thither: he gave me an order and withdrew it
in the same breath: my complacency seemed to irritate him, to encourage
him to provoke me.

At last he came back to his old sore subject, my English accent.

"I guess our good American is too homely for a fine English gentleman
like you," he said, "but I believe you'll as lief speak as you were
taught before you're through with this city. An English accent is not
healthy in Berlin at present, Mister Meyer, sir, and you'd best learn to
talk like the rest of us if you want to keep on staying in this house.

"I'm in no state to be worried just now and I've no notion of having
the police in here because some of their dam' plain-clothes men have
heard my attendant saying 'charnce' and 'darnce' like any
Britisher--especially with this English spy running round loose. By the
way, you'll have to be registered? Has my sister seen about it yet?"

I said she was attending to it.

"I want to know if she's done it. I'm a helpless cripple and I can't get
a thing done for me. Have you given her your papers? Yes, or no?"

This was a bad fix. With all the persistence of the invalid, the man was
harping on his latest whim.

So I lied. The Countess had my papers, I said.

Instantly he rang the bell and demanded Monica and had fretted himself
into a fine state by the time she appeared.

"What's this I hear, Monica?" he cried in his high-pitched, querulous
voice. "Hasn't Meyer been registered with the police yet?"

"I'm going to see to it myself in the morning, Gerry," she said.

"In the morning. In the morning!" he cried, throwing up his hands. "Good
God, how can you be so shiftless? A law is a law. The man's papers must
be sent in to-day ... this instant."

Monica looked appealingly at me.

"I'm afraid I'm to blame, sir," I said. "The fact is, my passport is
not quite in order and I shall have to take it to the embassy before I
send it to the police."

Then I saw Josef standing by the bed, a salver in his hand.

"Zom letters, sir," he said to Gerry. I wondered how long he had been in
the room.

Gerry waved the letters aside and burst into a regular screaming fit.
He wouldn't have things done that way in the house; he wouldn't
have unknown foreigners brought in, with the city thick with
spies--especially people with an English accent--his nerves wouldn't
stand it: Monica ought to know better, and so on and so forth. The long
and the short of it was that I was ordered to produce my passport
immediately. Monica was to ring up the embassy to ask them to stretch a
point and see to it out of office hours, then Josef should take me round
to the police.

I don't know how we got out of that room. It was Monica, with her sweet
womanly tact, who managed it. I believe the madman even demanded to see
my passport, but Monica scraped me through that trap as well.

I had left my hat and coat in the entrance hall downstairs. I put on my
coat, then went to Monica in the morning-room.

There was much she wanted to say--I could see it in her eyes--but I
think she gathered from my face what I was going to do, so she said
nothing.

At the door I said aloud, for the benefit of Josef, who was on the
stairs:

"Very good, my lady. I will come straight back from the embassy and then
go with Josef to the police."

The next moment I was adrift in Berlin.




CHAPTER XIII

I FIND ACHILLES IN HIS TENT


Outside darkness had fallen. I had a vague suspicion that the
house might be watched, but I found the Bendler-Strasse quite
undisturbed. It ran its quiet, aristocratic length to the tangle of
bare branches marking the Tiergarten-Strasse with not so much as
a dog to strike terror into the heart of the amateur spy. Even in the
Tiergarten-Strasse, where the Jewish millionaires live, there was little
traffic and few people about, and I felt singularly unromantic as I
walked briskly along the clean pavements towards Unter den Linden.

Once more the original object of my journey into Germany stood clearly
before me. An extraordinary series of adventures had deflected me from
my course, but never from my purpose. I realized that I should never
feel happy in my mind again if I left Germany without being assured as
to my brother's fate. And now I was on the threshold either of a great
discovery or of an overwhelming disappointment.

For the street called In den Zelten was my next objective. I knew I
might be on the wrong track altogether in my interpretation of what I
was pleased to term in my mind the message from Francis. If I had read
it falsely--if, perhaps, it were not from him at all--then all the hopes
I had built on this mad dash into the enemy's country would collapse
like a house of cards. Then, indeed, I should be in a sorry pass.

But my luck was in, I felt. Hitherto, I had triumphed over all
difficulties. I would trust in my destiny to the last.

I had taken the precaution of turning up my overcoat collar and of
pulling my hat well down over my eyes, but no one troubled me. I
reflected that only Clubfoot and Schmalz were in a position to recognize
me and that, if I steered clear of places like hotels and restaurants
and railway stations, where criminals always seem to be caught, I might
continue to enjoy comparative immunity. But the trouble was the passport
question. That reminded me.

I must get rid of Semlin's passport. As I walked along I tore it into
tiny pieces, dropping each fragment at a good interval from the other.
It cost me something to do it, for a passport is always useful to flash
in the eyes of the ignorant. But this passport was dangerous. It might
denounce me to a man who would not otherwise recognize me.

I had some difficulty in finding In den Zelten. I had to ask the way,
once of a postman and once of a wounded soldier who was limping along
with crutches. Finally, I found it, a narrowish street running off a
corner of the great square in front of the Reichstag. No. 2 was the
second house on the right.

I had no plan. Nevertheless, I walked boldly upstairs. There was but one
flat on each floor. At the third story I halted, rather out of breath,
in front of a door with a small brass plate inscribed with the name
"Eugen Kore." I rang the bell boldly.

An elderly man-servant opened the door.

"Is Herr Eugen Kore at home?" I asked.

The man looked at me suspiciously.

"Has the gentleman an appointment?" he said.

"No," I replied.

"Then the Herr will not receive the gentleman," came the answer, and the
man made as though to close the door.

I had an inspiration.

"A moment!" I cried, and I added the word "Achilles" in a low voice.

The servant opened the door wide to me.

"Why didn't you say that at once?" he said. "Please step in. I will see
if the Herr can receive you."

He led the way through a hall into a sitting-room and left me there. The
place was a perfect museum of art treasures, old Dutch and Italian
masters on the walls, some splendid Florentine chests, a fine old
dresser loaded with ancient pewter. On a mantelshelf was an
extraordinary collection of old keys, each with its label. "Key of the
fortress of Spandau, 1715." "Key of the Postern Gate of the Pasha's
Palace at Belgrade, 1810," "House Key from Nuremberg, 1567," were some
of the descriptions I read.

Then a voice behind me said:

"Ah! you admire my little treasures!"

Turning, I saw a short, stout man, of a marked Jewish appearance, with a
bald head, a fat nose, little beady eyes and a large waist.

"Eugen Kore!" he introduced himself with a bow.

"Meyer!" I replied, in the German fashion.

"And what can we do for Herr ... Meyer?" he asked in oily tones, pausing
just long enough before he pronounced the name I gave to let me see that
he believed it to be a pseudonym.

"I believe you know a friend of mine, whose address I am anxious to
find," I said.

"Ah!" sighed the little Jew, "a man of affairs like myself meets so many
people that he may be pardoned.... What did you say his name was, this
friend of yours?"

I thought I would try the effect of the name "Eichenholz" upon this
enigmatic creature.

"Eichenholz? Eichenholz?" Kore repeated.

"I seem to know the name ... it seems familiar ... now let me see
again.... Eichenholz, Eichenholz. ..."

While he was speaking he unlocked one of the oak cabinets and a safe
came to view. Opening this, he brought out a ledger and ran his finger
down the names. Then he shut the book, replaced it, locked the safe and
the cabinet, and turned to me again.

"Yes," he said, "I know the name."

His reticence was disconcerting.

"Can you tell me where I can find him?" I asked.

"Yes," was the reply.

I was getting a trifle nettled.

"Well, where?" I queried.

"This is all very well, young Sir," said the Jew. "You come in here from
nowhere, you introduce yourself as Meyer; you ask me 'Who?' and 'What?'
and 'Where?'--questions that, mark you, in my business, may have
valuable answers. We private enquiry agents must live, my dear sir, we
must eat and drink like other men, and these are hard times, very hard
times. I will ask you a question if I may. Meyer? Who is Meyer?
Everybody in this country is called Meyer!"

I smiled at this bizarre speech.

"This Eichenholz, now," I said, "... supposing he were my brother."

"He might congratulate himself," Kore said, blinking his little lizard
eyes.

"And he sent me word to call and see you to find out his whereabouts.
You seem to like riddles, Herr Kore.... I will read you one!"

And I read him the message from Francis ... all but the first two lines.

The little Jew beamed with delight.

"Ach! that is bright!" he cried, "oi, oi, oi, but he is smart, this Herr
Eichenholz! Who'd have thought of that? Brilliant, brilliant!"

"As you say, Herr Kore, enquiry agents must live, and I am quite
prepared to pay for the information I require...."

I pulled out my portfolio as I spoke.

"The matter is quite simple," Kore replied. "It is already arranged. The
charge is five hundred marks. My client said to me the last time I saw
him, 'Kore,' he said, 'if one should come asking news of me you will
give him the word and he will pay you five hundred marks.'"

"The word?" I said.

"The word," he repeated.

"You must take Dutch money," I said. "Here you are ... work it out in
gulden ... and I'll pay!"

He manipulated a stump of pencil on a writing block and I paid him his
money.

Then he said:

"Boonekamp!"

"Boonekamp?" I echoed stupidly.

"That's the word," the little Jew chuckled, laughing at my dumbfounded
expression, "and, if you want to know, I understand it as little as you
do."

"But ... Boonekamp," I repeated. "Is it a man's name, a place? It sounds
Dutch. Have you no idea? ... come, I'm ready to pay."

"Perhaps ..." the Jew began.

"What? Perhaps what?" I exclaimed impatiently.

"Possibly...."

"Out with it, man!" I cried, "and say what you mean."

"Perhaps, if I could render to the gentleman the service I rendered to
his brother, I might be able to throw light...."

"What service did you render to my brother?" I demanded hastily. "I'm in
the dark."

"Has the gentleman no little difficulty perhaps? ... about his military
service, about his papers? The gentleman is young and strong ... has he
been to the front? Was life irksome there? Did he ever long for the
sweets of home life? Did he never envy those who have been medically
rejected? The rich men's sons, perhaps, with clever fathers who know how
to get what they want?"

His little eyes bored into mine like gimlets.

I began to understand.

"And if I had?"

"Then all old Kore can say is that the gentleman has come to the right
shop, as his gracious brother did. How can we serve the gentleman now?
What are his requirements? It is a difficult, a dangerous business. It
costs money, much money, but it can be arranged ... it can be arranged."

"But if you do for me what you did for my brother," I said, "I don't see
how that helps to explain this word, this clue to his address!"

"My dear sir, I am as much in the dark as you are yourself about the
significance of this word. But I can tell you this, your brother, thanks
to my intervention, found himself placed in a situation in which he
might well have come across this word...."

"Well?" I said impatiently.

"Well, if we obliged the gentleman as we obliged his brother, the
gentleman might be taken where his brother was taken, the gentleman is
young and smart, he might perhaps find a clue ..."

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A Stephen King fan has published an 80-page version of the book which novelist Jack Torrance obsessively writes during King's The Shining, where his descent into madness is revealed when his wife discovers that his work consists of just one phrase, endlessly repeated.

Torrance, played by Jack Nicholson in terrifying form in Stanley Kubrick's 1980 film, is a frustrated writer who goes with his wife and son to spend the winter in the isolated Overlook Hotel in an attempt to get the novel he has always wanted to write started. But the hotel's grisly past and unquiet ghosts have their way with him, and his wife Wendy eventually finds that the manuscript he has been working on actually only contains the phrase "All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy", typed over and over again.

Now New York artist Phil Buehler, who describes himself as "a big fan of Stanley Kubrick and Stephen King", has self-published a book credited to Torrance, repeating the phrase throughout but formatting each page differently, using the words to create different shapes from zigzags to spirals.

"The idea has probably been marinating for years, because I loved the movie and the Stephen King book," said Buehler. "I'd just finished my own obsessive art project [and] it was an idea I had over the Christmas holidays."

He said he decided to stick to type and formatting that could have been created on a typewriter, with the first ten pages duplicating shots of Torrance's work from the film. "I thought 'if he continues to get crazier, what would those pages look like?'" he said. "I hit writer's block about 60 pages in, and I had to get to 80 - that went on for about a week." His fiancée, who had neither read the book nor seen the film, became a little concerned about his actions. "I finally showed her the movie, and she realised I wasn't really losing it," said Buehler.

He's included a spoof review from the blog OverThinkingIt.com on the book's back jacket, which compares it to "the best of Beckett" in its "lack of forward momentum", and considers the struggles of the author, "heroically pitting himself against the Sisyphusean sentence". "It's that metatextual struggle of Man vs. Typewriter that gives this book its spellbinding power," the review says. "Some will dismiss it as simplistic; that's like dismissing a Pollack canvas as mere splatters of paint."

So far, Buehler says that around 1,000 people have viewed the book, for sale on Blurb.com for $8.95 in paperback, or $22.95 in hardback, and he's sold "a few" copies, with sales now starting to pick up steam. "A few people have asked me to sign it - they're looking it as a piece of art rather than a funny thing to give to a Kubrick fan," he said. "If you're not a Kubrick or King fan, you might not even get it."

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