Three Wonder Plays by Lady I. A. Gregory

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_2nd Wrenboy_: Wouldn't it be good if we could
do as that Jester was saying and change places with
those sons of kings! They that can lie in the
sunshine on soft pillows.

_3rd Wrenboy_: They that can use food when they
ask it, and not have to wait till they can find it,
or steal it, or get it what way they can.

_3rd Wrenboy_: And not to be waiting till you'll
hear a rabbit squealing, with the teeth of a weasel
in his neck.

_4th Wrenboy_: And the weasel when you take
it to be spitting poison at you, the same as a serpent.

_5th Wrenboy_: It would be a nice thing to be
eating sweet red apples in place of the green crabs.

_1st Wrenboy_: Or to be maybe sucking marrow-bones.

_2nd Wrenboy_: It is likely they are as airy and
as careless as the blackbird singing on the bush.

_3rd Wrenboy_: It's likely they go following after
foxes on horses, having huntsmen and beagles at
their feet.

_4th Wrenboy_: Or go out sporting and fowling
with their greyhound and with their gun.

_5th Wrenboy_: Or matching fighting cocks.

_1st Wrenboy_: It's likely they lead a gentleman's
life, card-playing and eating and drinking, and
racing with jockeys in speckled clothes.

_2nd Wrenboy_: Their brooches were shining like
green fire, the same as a marten cat's eyes. They
have everything finer than another.

_3rd Wrenboy_: Their faces as clean as a linen
sheet. Their hair as if combed with a silver comb.

_4th Wrenboy_: There is no one to so much as
put a clean shirt on ourselves.

_5th Wrenboy: (Rubbing his hand_.) I never
felt uneasy at the dirt that is grinted into me till
I saw them so nice.

_1st Wrenboy_: That music they were playing
put me in mind of some far thing. It is dreamed
to me, and it is never leaving my mind, that there
is something I remember in the long ago ...
music in a house that was as bright as the moon,
or as the brightest night of stars.

_5th Wrenboy_: Whisht! They are coming!

(_The Princes come back_.)

_1st Prince_: Here are coppers for you.

_2nd Prince_: And white money.

_3rd Prince_: And here is a piece of gold.

_3rd Wrenboy_: We are thankful to you! We'll
bury the Wren in grand style now!

_4th Prince_: Have you far to go?

_1st Wrenboy_: Not very far if it was a straight
road. But it is through the forest we go, beyond
the lake.

_2nd Wrenboy_: We will hardly be there before
the moon rises.

_1st Prince_: Are you afraid in the night time?

_2nd Wrenboy_: I am not. But I've seen a great
deal of strange things at that time.

_2nd Prince_: What sort of things?

_2nd Wrenboy_: Fairies you'd see.

_3rd Prince_: Are there such things?

_2nd Wrenboy_: One night I was attending a pot-still,
roasting oats for to make still-whiskey, and I
seen hares coming out of the wood, by fours and by
sixes, and they as thin as thin....

_3rd Wrenboy_: Hares are the biggest fairies of all.

_4th Wrenboy_: And down by the sea _I_ met a
weasel bringing up a fish in his mouth from the
tide. And I often seen seals there, seals that are
enchanted and look like humans, and will hold up
a hand the same as a Christian.

_5th Wrenboy_: I that saw a hedgehog running
up the side of a mountain as swift as a racehorse.

_1st Wrenboy_: It's the moonlight is the only time!

_1st Prince_: I never saw the moon but through
a window.

_1st Wrenboy_: That's the time to go ramble.
_(He chants_.)
You'll see the crane in the water standing,
And never landing a fish, for fright,
For he can but shiver seeing in the river
His shadow shaking in the bright moonlight.

_2nd Wrenboy_:
Or you may listen to the plover's whistle,
When high above him the wild geese screech;
Or the mallard flying, as the night is dying,
His neck out-stretched towards the salt sea beach.

_3rd Wrenboy_:
When dawn discloses the oak and shows us
The wide sky whitening through the scanty ash,
High in the beeches the furry creatures,
Squirrel and marten lightly pass.

_4th Wrenboy_:
The badger scurries to find his burrow
The rabbit hurries to hide underground.

_5th Wrenboy_:
The pigeon rouses the thrush that drowses,
The woods awaken and the world goes round!

_1st Wrenboy_: Come now, it's time to be taking
the road. Thank you, noble Gentlemen! That
you may be doing the same thing this day fifty years!
_(They go off playing fife and beating drum_.)

_1st Prince_: I would nearly wish to be in their
place to go through the world at large.

_2nd Prince_: They can go visit strange cities,
sailing in white-sailed ships.

_3rd Prince_: They have no lessons to learn.

_4th Prince_: No hours to keep. No clocks to
strike.

_5th Prince_: No Lady Messengers coming to
show off to.

_1st Prince_: They should be as merry as midges.

_2nd Prince_: As free as the March wind.

_3rd Prince_: I don't know how we stopped so
long shut up in this place.

_4th Prince_: I would be nearly ready to change
places with them if such a thing were possible.

_Jester: (Who has had his back to them comes
forward; the Princes stand on his right in a half
circle.)_ And why wouldn't you change?

_5th Prince_: It is a thing not possible.

_Jester_: I never could know the meaning of that
word "impossible." Where there's a will there's
a way.

_1st Prince_: It seems to me like the sound of a
bell ringing a long way off, that I had leave at one
time to go here and there.

_Jester_: If you are in earnest wanting to come to
that freedom again you will get it.

_2nd Prince_: No, we would be followed and
brought back through kindness.

_Jester_: If you have the strong wish to make
the change you can make it.

_1st Prince_: I think I was never so much in
earnest in all my life.

_(The Jester takes his pipe and plays a note
on it. The Wrenboys come back beating
their drum. They stand in a half circle
on Jester's left.)_

_Jester: (To all.)_

If it's true ye wish to change,
Some to have a wider range,
Some to have an easy life,
Some to rove into the wild,
If you do it, do it fast,
Do it while you have the chance.

_Wrenboys: (Together.)_ We will change! We will!

_Jester: (To Princes.)_

If you wish to leave your ease
And live wild and free like these
Like the fawn free and wild,
Not closed in as is a child,
Take your chance as it has come,
Let you run and run and run,
Where you'll get your joy and fun!

_2nd Prince:_ They will know us, they will know us!

_Jester:_ Change your clothes, change your clothes!

_3rd Prince:_ They will know us every place.

_Jester:_ Put their masks upon your face.

_(Wrenboys give them the masks.)_

You never will be missed
For I will throw a dust
Before everybody's eye
That wants to look or pry
To see if you are here,--
And if you should appear
To be someway strange or queer
They will think themselves are blind
Or confused in the mind!

_(Throws a handful of dust over all the boys.)_

Dust of Mullein, work your spell;
Keep the double secret well!

_5th Prince: (To a Wrenboy.)_

Give me here your coat now fast
I don't want to be the last.

_(They all rapidly change coats and caps.)_

_Jester:_ That will do, that is enough.

_1st Wrenboy_: But my hands are very rough.

_Jester_:

Never mind; never mind,
The truth is hard to find!

_Guardian: (Off stage.)_ Gillie, do as you are
told, shut the door, it's getting cold.

_1st Prince_: Oh, I'm in dread! What will be
said!

_2nd Prince_: I'd sooner stay in my old way!

_Jester_:

Never mind, never mind!
The truth is hard to find!
Keep steady. Are you ready?

_1st Wrenboy_: I'll be ashamed if I am blamed.

_2nd Wrenboy_: I have no grace or lovely face!

_Jester: (To Princes.)_ Too late, too late! Go
out the gate!

(_The Princes have taken up fife and drum.
They march out playing_.)

CURTAIN

ACT II

ACT II

SCENE I

(_A front scene. A poor hut or tent, the
Princes are coming in slowly, some limping.
They are in Wrenboys' clothes and the
masks are in their hands_.)

_1st Prince_: This should be the hut where the
Wrenboys told us to come.

_2nd Prince_: It is a poor looking place.

_3d Prince_: It is good to have any place to sit
down in for a while. My back is aching.

_4th Prince_: My feet are all scratched and torn.
There are blisters rising.

_5th Prince:_ I thought we would never come to
the end of the road. The stones by the lake were
so hard and so sharp.

_1st Prince_: It was a root of a tree I fell over
that made these bruises on my knees. I was
watching a hawk that was still and quiet up in the
air, and when it made a swoop all of a sudden
I stumbled and fell.

_2nd Prince_: It was in slipping where the rocks
are high I gave this twist to my arm. I can hardly
move it.

_3rd Prince_: But wasn't the sight of the sunset
splendid over the lake? And the hills so blue!

_4th Prince_: I like the tall trees best. I tried
to climb up one of them, but it was so smooth I
did but slip and fall.

_1st Prince_: I would wish to walk as far as the
hills, and to have a view of the ocean that is beyond.

_5th Prince_: I am hungry. I wonder where we
will get our supper.

_4th Prince_: Not in this place, anyway, it must
be making ready in some big guesthouse.

_3rd, Prince_: What will they give us, I wonder?

_2nd Prince_: I wish we had in our hand what
they have ready for us at home.

_1st Prince_: What use would it be to us? Do
you remember what we asked to be given, some
jellies and a few grapes? It is not that much
would satisfy me now.

_2nd Prince_: Indeed it would not. I never felt
so sharp a hunger in my longest memory.

_3rd Prince_: It is roasted meat I would wish for.

_4th Prince_: There were pigeons in the tall
trees. They will maybe give us a pigeon pie.

_5th Prince_: I would be content with a plate of
minced turkey with poached eggs.

_1st Prince_: I would sooner have a roasted
chicken, with bread sauce.

_2nd Prince_: Be quiet.... I think I hear someone
coming! _(Looks out.)_

_3rd Prince: (Looking out.)_ I see him. He is not
a right man ...he is very strange looking....

_4th Prince: (Looking out.)_ Oh! It is an Ogre!
A Grugach!

_(All shrink back and hurriedly put on masks.)_

_Ogre: (Coming in: he wears a frightful mask, has
red hair and a cloak of rough skins and carries a
whip with many lashes_.) What makes ye late to-night,
ye young schemers? What was it delayed
ye? Lagging along the road.

_1st Prince_: We came as fast as we could. It
was getting dusk in the wood.

_Ogre_: Dusk, good morrow to you! I'll dusk
ye! I had a mind to go after ye and to change
myself into the form of a wolf, and catch a hold of
ye with my long sharp teeth!

_2nd Prince_: We did not know there was any
great hurry.

_Ogre_: There is always hurry when you are on
my messages. What did I bring you away from
your own house for and put ye on the shaughraun
for and keep ye wandering, if it was not to be
serviceable and helpful to myself. Show me now
what ye have in your pocket or your bag.

_3rd Prince_: This is all we got in the bag. (_Holds
it out_.) It is but very little.

_Ogre_: (_Turning it out and counting it_.) Coppers!
Silver! What is this? A piece of gold! Is that
what ye call little? What notions ye have! Take
care did ye keep any of it back! If ye did I'll
skin ye with the lash of my cat-o'-nine-tails.
(_Shakes it_.)

_4th Prince_: That is all we got. It should maybe
pay for our supper in some place.

_Ogre_: What supper? To go buy supper with
my money! It will go to add to my store of
treasure in the cave that is under ground.

_5th Prince_: We are hungry, very hungry. When
will the supper be ready?

_Ogre_: It will be ready whenever ye will ready
it for yourselves. Ye should know that by this time.

_1st Prince_: We would make it ready if we were
acquainted with the way.

_Ogre_: It is gone cracked ye are? What is it
ye are thinking to get for your supper? What
ailed ye that ye didn't climb a tree and suck a few
pigeon's eggs?

_2nd Prince_: We were thinking of a pigeon pie.

_Ogre_: A what!!!

_2nd Prince_: A pigeon pie.

_Ogre_: Hurry on then making your pigeon pie!
There are pigeons enough there in the corner, that
a hawk that is my carrier brought me in a while
ago. And there's a pike that was in the lake these
hundred years, an otter is after leaving at my door.

_3rd Prince_: (_Taking a pigeon_.) I don't think
this is a right pigeon.

_4th Prince_: Pigeons in a pie are not the pigeons
that have feathers.

_5th Prince_: (_To Ogre_.) Please, sir, where can
we find pigeons without feathers, that are trussed
on a silver skewer?

_Ogre_: Aye? What's that?

_1st Prince_: Never mind. You'll anger him.
Maybe we can pull the feathers off these. I have
read of plucking a pigeon in our books. (_They
begin to pluck_.)

_2nd Prince_: It is very hard work.

_3rd Prince_: I never knew feathers could stick
in so hard.

_4th Prince_: The more we pull out the more
there would seem to be left.

_5th Prince_: It will be a feather pie we will be
getting in the end.

_1st Prince_: (_Throwing it down_.) It is no use.
We might work at it to-day and to-morrow and be
no nearer to a finish.

_2nd Prince_: The pike might be better.

_3rd Prince_: It has no feathers anyway.

_4th Prince_: (_Touching it_.) It is raw and bleeding!

_5th Prince_: We might roast it.

_1st Prince_: The fire is black out.

_2nd Prince_: I wonder what way can we kindle it?

_3rd Prince_: Better ask him. (_Points to Ogre_.)

_2nd Prince_: Please, sir, what way can we kindle
the fire?

_Ogre_: What!

_4th Prince_: We would wish to light the fire.

_Ogre_: Well, do so.

_5th Prince_: If we had a box of matches....

_Ogre_: Matches! What are you talking about?
Matches won't be invented for the next seven
hundred years.

_1st Prince_: What can we do then, we are starving
with hunger.

_Ogre_: Let ye blow a breath upon a coal under
the ashes, and bring in small sticks from the wood.

_2nd Prince_: (_Blowing_.) The ashes are choking me.

_Ogre_: Very good. Then you'll put no delay
on me, waiting till you'll cook your supper.

_3rd Prince_: Where can we get it then?

_Ogre_: You'll go without it, as you were too
helpless to catch it, or to dress it, there's no one
will force you to eat it.

_4th Prince_: If there is nothing for us to eat we
had best pass the time in sleep.

_5th Prince_: I am all covered with ashes and
dirt. (_To Ogre_.) Please, where can I find a towel
and a piece of soap?

_Ogre_: Soap! Is it bewitched ye are or demented
in the head? Did ever anyone hear of
soap unless of a Saturday night? Letting on to be
as dainty and as useless as those young princes
beyond, that are kept closed up in a tower of glass.
Come on now. If there is no food that suits you,
leave it. It is time for us to get to work.

_1st Prince_: But it is bed-time.

_Ogre_: Your bed-time is the time when I have
no more use for you. Don't you know I have
made a plan? What was it I sent you for, spying
out that place of the young princes? Wasn't it
to see where is it that treasure is kept, the golden-handled
sword of Justice that is used by the
Guardian when he turns Judge.

_2nd Prince_: That is kept in the Courthouse.

_Ogre_: That's right ...in what part of it?

_3rd Prince_: What do you want it for?

_Ogre_: I have it in my mind this long time to
get and to keep it in my cave under ground, along
with the rest of my treasures that are in charge of
my two enchanted cats. I have had near enough
of grubbing for gold with a pick in the clefts and
crannies of the earth. It is time for me to find
some rest, and get into my hand what is ready
worked and smelted and purified. We are going
to that Courthouse to-night. If we cannot get in
at the door, I will put ye in at the window and ye
can open the door to myself. I will find out
where the sword is, and away with us, and it in
my hand.

_4th Prince_: But that would be stealing.

_Ogre_: What else would it be?

_4th Prince_: But that is wrong. It is against the law.

_Ogre_: The law! That is the Judge's trade.
Breaking it is mine.

_5th Prince_: Ask him for it and maybe he will
give it to you, he is so kind.

_Ogre_: I'll take no charity! What I get I'll
earn by taking it. I would feel no pleasure it being
given to me, any more than a huntsman would
take pleasure being made a present of a dead fox,
in place of getting a run across country after it.
Come on now! We'll have the moon wasted.
We'll hardly get there before the dawn of day.

_1st Prince_: Whatever time you get there the
Guardian will be awake. There is a cock of Denmark
perched on the curtain rod of his bed,
specially to waken him if there is any stir.

_Ogre_: There is, is there? What a fool you
think me to be. Do you see that pot?

_2nd Prince_: We do see it.

_Ogre_: Look what there is in it.

_3rd Prince_: Nothing but a few bare bones.

_Ogre_: Well, that is all that is left of the Judge's
cock of Denmark, that was brought to me awhile
ago by a fox that is my messenger, and that I have
boiled and ate and devoured.

_All the Princes_: O! O! O!

_Ogre_: (_Cracking his whip_.) He was boiled in
the little pot. Come on now and lead the way, or
I give you my word it is in the big pot your own
bones will be making broth for my breakfast in the
morning! (_Cracks whip_.) Now, right about face!
Quick march!

CURTAIN

SCENE II

_(The Winter Garden, evening. The Servant
settling benches and a table.)_

_Guardian: (Coming in.)_ Are the Dowager
Messengers come? They are late.

_Servant:_ They are come. They are at the
looking-glasses settling themselves.

_Guardian:_ As soon as they are ready you will
call in the Princes for their examination before
them, and their tasks.

_Servant:_ I will.

_Guardian:_ The Messengers will have a good
report to bring back of them. They have come
to be good scholars, in poetry, in music, in languages,
in history, in numbers and all sorts. The
old Queen-Godmother will be well satisfied with
their report.

_Servant:_ She might and she might not.

_Guardian:_ They would be hard to please if they
are not well pleased with the lads, as to learning
and as to manners and behaviour.

_Servant:_ Maybe so. Maybe so. There are
strange things in the world.

_Guardian:_ You're in bad humour, my poor
Gillie. Have you been quarrelling with the cook,
or did you get up on the wrong side of your
bed?

_Servant:_ There is times when it is hard not to
be in a bad humour.

_Guardian:_ What are you grumbling and hinting at?

_Servant:_ There's times when it's hard to believe
that witchcraft is gone out of the world.

_Guardian:_ That is a thing that has been done
away with in this Island through my government,
and through enlightenment and through learning.

_Servant:_ Maybe so. Maybe so.

_Guardian:_ I suppose a three-legged chicken has
come out of the shell, or a magpie has come before
you in your path? Or maybe some token in the
stars?

_Servant:_ It would take more than that to put
me astray.

_Guardian:_ Whatever it is you had best tell it out.

_Servant:_ To see lads of princes, sons of kings,
and the makings of kings, that were mannerly and
well behaved and as civil as a child a few hours
ago, to be sitting in a corner at one time as if in
dread of the light, and tricking and fooling and
grabbing at other times.

_Guardian:_ Oh, is that all! The poor lads.
They're out of their habits because of their Godmother's
Messengers coming. They are making
merry and funning, thinking there might be
messages for them or presents.

_Servant:_ Funning is natural. But blowing their
nose with their fingers is not natural.

_Guardian:_ High spirits. Just to torment you
in their joy.

_Servant:_ To get a bit of chalk, and to make
marks in the Hall of dancing, and to go playing
hop-scotch.

_Guardian:_ High spirits, high spirits! I never
saw boys better behaved or more gentle or with
more sweetness of speech. I am thinking there is
not one among them but will earn the name of
Honey-mouth.

_Servant:_ Have it your own way. But is it a
natural thing, I am asking, for the finger nails to
make great growth in one day?

_Guardian:_ Stop, stop, be quiet. Here now are
the Dowager Messengers. _(Two old ladies in
travelling costume appear; bowing low to them.)_
You are welcome for the sake of her that sent you,
and for your own sakes.

_1st Dowager Messenger:_ We are come from the
Court of the Godmother Queen, for news of the
Princes now in your charge;

She hopes they have manners, are minded well,
and never let run at large;

For she never has yet got over the fret, of their
five little cousins were swept away.

_Guardian:_ Let your mind be at ease, for you'll
be well pleased with the youngsters you're going
to see to-day.

They're learning the laws to speak and to pause--may
be orators then, or Parliament men.

_2nd Dowager Messenger:_ Are they shielded from
harm?

_Guardian:_

In my sheltering arm;
Do their work and their play in a mannerly way
And go holding their nose, and tipped on their
toes,
If they pass through a street, that they'll not soil
their feet.

_2nd Dowager Messenger_: And next to good
manners and next to good looks ...

_Guardian_:
I know what you'll say ...she asks news of the cooks;
I'm with her in putting them equal to books;
There's some rule by coaxing and some rule by beating,
But my principle is, tempt them on with good eating.
When everything's said, isn't Sparta as dead
As many a place never heard of black bread?
And as to a lad who a tartlet refuses,--
If Cato stewed parsnips he hated the Muses!

_1st Dowager Messenger_: And at meals are they
taught to behave as they ought?

_Guardian_:
You'll be well satisfied and the Queen will have pride,
You will see every Prince use a fork with his mince,
And eating his peas like Alcibiades,
Who would sooner go mute than play on the flute
Lest it made him grimace and contorted his face.

_1st Dowager Messenger_: Oh, all that you say
delights us to-day!

We'll have good news to bring of these sons of
a king.

_Servant_: Here they are now coming.

(_Wrenboys in Princes' clothes come in awkwardly_.)

_Guardian_:
Now put out a chair.
Where these ladies may hear.
Come over, my boys ...(Now what is that noise?)
Come here, take your places, and show us your
faces,
And say out your task as these ladies will ask.
I would wish them to know how you say _Parlez-vous_,
And I'd like you to speak in original Greek
And make numeration, and add up valuation;
But to lead you with ease and on by degrees
In case you are shy in the visitors' eye
I will let you recite, as you easily might,
The kings of that Island that no longer are silent
But ask recognition and to take a position--
(Though if stories are true they ran about blue,
While we in Hy-Brasil wore our silks to a frazzle--)
So the rhymes you may say that I heard you to-day;
And the opening will fall on the youngest of all.

_Servant:_ Let you stand up now and do as you
are bid. _(Touches 5th Wrenboy_.)

_Guardian:_ Go on, my child, say out your lesson.
William the First as the Conqueror known....
_(Boy puts finger in mouth and hangs his head.)_
Ah, he is shy. Don't be affrighted, go on now;
don't you remember it?

_5th Wrenboy:_ I do not.

_Guardian:_ Try it again now. You said it off
quite well this morning.

_5th Wrenboy:_ It fails me.

_Guardian:_ Now I will give you a start: "William
the First as the Conqueror known,
At the Battle of Hastings ascended the throne
..." Say that now.

_5th Wrenboy: (Nudging 4th.)_ Let you word it.

_4th Wrenboy: (To Guardian.)_ Let you word it
again, sir.

_Guardian_: "William the First as the Conqueror
known."

_4th Wrenboy_: William the First as the congereel
known....

_Guardian_: What is that? You would not do
it to vex me! Gillie is maybe right. There is
something strange.... (_To another_.) You may
try now. Go on to the next verse. "William
called Rufus from having red hair." ..._(He does
not answer_.) Say it anyone who knows....

_3rd Wrenboy: (Putting up his hand_.) I know
a man that has red hair!

_All the Wrenboys: (Cheerfully)_ So do I! So
do I!

_2nd Wrenboy_: He lives in the wood beyond!
He is no way good! He is an Ogre, a Grugach....

_1st Wrenboy_: He can turn himself into the shape
of a beast, or he can change his face at any time;
sometimes he'll be that wicked you would think
he was a wolf; he would skin you with his cat-o'-nine-tails!

_Guardian_: What gibberish are you talking?

_2nd Wrenboy_: He goes working underground to
get gold!

_3rd Wrenboy_: It is minded by enchanted cats!

_4th Wrenboy_: They would tear in bits anyone
that would find it!

_Guardian_: Now take care, lads, this is carrying
a joke too far. I was wrong to begin with that
silly history. Tell me out now the parts of speech.

"A noun's the name of anything
As school or garden, hoop or swing."

_5th Wrenboy_: An owl's the name of anything....

_Guardian_: A _noun_.

_5th Wrenboy_: An _owl_.

_Guardian_: Don't pretend you don't know it.

_5th Wrenboy_: I do know it. I know an owl
that sits in the cleft of the hollow sycamore and
eats its fill of mice, till it can hardly put a stir
out of itself.

_Guardian_: I do wish you would stop talking
nonsense.

_1st Wrenboy_: It is not, but sense. It devoured
ere yesterday a whole fleet of young rats.

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