John Henry Smith by Frederick Upham Adams

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[Illustration: "... and I got it"]

John Henry Smith

A Humorous Romance of Outdoor Life

By

FREDERICK UPHAM ADAMS Author of "John Burt" and "The Kidnapped
Millionaires"

Illustrated for Mr. Smith by A.B. FROST

[Illustration]

NEW YORK Doubleday, Page & Company 1905

Copyright, 1905, by Doubleday, Page & Company Published June, 1905

_All rights reserved, including that of translation into foreign
languages, including the Scandinavian._

DEDICATED TO MY DAUGHTER Olive Marie Adams

TO THE READER

John Henry Smith has requested me to revise and edit his diary, and, to
use his own expression, "See if I can make some kind of a book from it."
It was his idea that I should eliminate certain marked passages, and
disguise others, so as to conceal the identity of the originals. Since
Mr. Smith is abroad I can do as I please. Aside from renaming his
characters, I have left them exactly as he has drawn them. This may lead
him to do his own editing in the future.

I have also taken the liberty of reproducing some of the sketches made
by Mr. Smith. In addition to literary, artistic, and athletic gifts Mr.
Smith has had the rare good fortune to--but I must not anticipate his
story.

THE EDITOR

Hastings-on-Hudson, N.Y.

CONTENTS

ENTRY NO. PAGE

I. Miss Harding is Coming 3

II. Mainly about Smith 21

III. Mr. Harding Wins a Bet 29

IV. Bishop's Hired Man 44

V. The Eagle's Nest 54

VI. I Play with Miss Harding 65

VII. Two Boys from Buckfield 77

VIII. Downfall of Mr. Harding 91

IX. Mr. Smith Gets Busy 102

X. The Two Gladiators 115

XI. The Barn Dance 136

XII. The St. Andrews Swing 154

XIII. Our New Professional 176

XIV. Myself and I 188

XV. The Auto and the Bull 199

XVI. Miss Harding Owns Up 219

XVII. The Passing of Percy 235

XVIII. Mr. Harding's Struggle 253

XIX. The Tornado 258

XX. Fat Ewes and Sharp Knives 281

XXI. I am Entirely Satisfied 300

XXII. I am Utterly Miserable 303

XXIII. A Few Closing Confessions 317

THE CHARACTERS

JOHN HENRY SMITH, who tells the story. Heir of his father, lives in
Woodvale club house, devoted to golf, becomes interested in Wall Street,
and falls in love with Grace Harding

GRACE HARDING, only daughter of Robert L. Harding, visitor in Woodvale

ROBERT L. HARDING, millionaire railway magnate, who first despises golf
and then becomes infatuated with it

MRS. HARDING, the matter-of-fact wife of the above

JIM BISHOP, farmer near Woodvale, who knew Harding when the two were
boys in Buckfield, Maine

WILLIAM WALLACE, Bishop's hired man, later golf professional in
Woodvale, and later something else

OLIVE LAWRENCE, pupil to William Wallace

PERCY LAHUME, in love with Miss Lawrence

JAMES CARTER, wealthy member of Woodvale, who knows how to keep a secret

MISS DANGERFIELD, who makes a collection of golf balls

MISS ROSS, who is very pretty

MR. and MRS. CHILVERS, and MR. and MRS. MARSHALL, estimable young
people, who enter into this narrative

BOYD, LAWSON, DUFF, BELL, MONAHAN, ETC., members in good standing in the
Woodvale Golf and Country Club

LIST OF ILLUSTRATIONS

"... and I got it" _Frontispiece_

"How do I look?" _Title Page_

PAGE.

"... and threw it in the pond" 9

"Fore there! hay there!!" 15

"It makes an ideal hazard" 25

"... but there was blood in his eye" 37

"Fore" 49

"There is no law to compel a man to play golf" 57

"We rested on top of the hill" 73

"Did it hit you?" 87

"... and missed the ball by three inches" 95

"It is not necessary to caution me" 105

The dream 113

"At the gate waiting for us" 121

"We're not fighting, my dear!" 131

"It must be tough to have to wear skirts all the time"
135

"What do you think of me?" 137

"Jack ... never stopped a second" 145

"Mr. Harding ... executed a clog dance" 153

"We ran the auto into the sheep pasture" 159

"I have never seen a more perfect shot" 163

"It struck on the rear edge of the green" 181

"LaHume ... stalking toward the club house" 185

"Miss Harding ... smiled and looked innocent as
could be" 193

"It was not much of a drive" 207

"Run! Run, boys!" 211

"Then I struck the bull" 213

Diagram, "The auto and the bull" 218

"What are you looking for?" 221

"Had ignited the matches" 225

"He was tall, angular, and whiskered" 237

"LaHume was shot back several yards" 245

"Grasping her by the arm I dragged her" 267

"She left for the South" 282

"Business is business" 291

"Ten up and eight to play" 297

"She rose to her feet" 307

"I cannot turn back if I would" 315

"He looked doubtfully at me" 318

"This takes the cake!" 329

"And then I saw her!" 335

"I believe I could carry it" 345

JOHN HENRY SMITH

JOHN HENRY SMITH

ENTRY No. I

Miss HARDING Is COMING

"Heard the news?" demanded Chilvers, approaching the table where
Marshall, Boyd, and I were smoking on the broad veranda of the Woodvale
Golf and Country Club. We shook our heads with contented indifference.
It was after luncheon, and the cigars were excellent.

"Where's LaHume?" grinned Chilvers. "Where's our Percy? He must hear
this."

"LaHume and Miss Lawrence are out playing," languidly answered Marshall.
"What's happened? Don't prolong this suspense."

Miss Ross and Miss Dangerfield turned the corner and Chilvers saw them.
Chilvers is married, but has lost none of his effervescence and
consequently retains his popularity.

"Come here," he called, motioning to these two charming young ladies.
"I've got something for you! Great news; great news!"

"What is it?" asked Miss Ross, her deep-brown eyes brightening with
curiosity.

"Another heiress coming!" announced Chilvers, with the bow of a jeweller
displaying some rare gem "--another heiress on her way to Woodvale! This
is going to be a hard season for such perennial bachelors as Smith,
Boyd, Carter, and others I could name. You girls will have your work cut
out when this new heiress unpacks her trunks and sets fluttering the
hearts of these steel-plated golfers."

"Who is it?" impatiently demanded the chorus. Chilvers has all the arts
of an actor in working for a climax.

"Miss Grace Harding; that's all!" said Chilvers.

"The famous beauty?" cried Miss Ross.

"Last season's society sensation in Paris and London?" exclaimed Miss
Dangerfield.

"Daughter of the great railway magnate?" asked Marshall.

"The one to whom Baron Torpington was reported engaged?" I added.

"You all have guessed it the first time," laughed Chilvers. "She's the
only daughter of Robert L. Harding, magnate, financier, Wall Street
general, the man who recently beat the pirate kings down there at their
own game. How much is Harding supposed to be worth, Smith?"

"Thirty millions or so," I replied.

"Well, I wish I had the 'so.' That would keep me in golf balls for a
while," Chilvers continued, turning his attention to the ladies. "What
show have you unfortunate girls against a combination like that? And
think of Percy LaHume! What will that poor boy do? Percy heads for the
richest heiress of each season with that same mighty instinct which
leads a boy to cast wistful glances at the largest cut of pie. He
thought the heiresses had quit coming, and now this happens; but he has
gone so far in his campaign for the hand and cheque-book of Miss
Lawrence, that he cannot stop quick without dislocating his spine. I
doubt if that poor little Lawrence girl will ever have more than five
millions."

"Never mind Percy and his prospects," said Marshall. "Who told you that
Miss Grace Harding is coming to Woodvale?"

"Carter told me," replied Chilvers. "Carter knows them. The whole
Harding family is coming, which includes Croesus, his wife, and their
fair daughter, aged nineteen or thereabouts. Ah! why did I marry so
soon?"

Mrs. Chilvers was standing back of him and soundly boxed his ears.

"How does it happen that the Hardings are coming here?" asked Mrs.
Chilvers, when told the cause of this excitement. "Are they Mr. Carter's
guests?"

"Mr. Harding is a charter member of Woodvale," I informed her. "For
some unknown reason he joined the club when it started, but has never
been here, and I doubt if he has ever played golf. He is the owner of
the majority of the bonds issued against this clubhouse."

"I wonder if Miss Harding plays golf?" said Boyd.

"Golf is not among the list of accomplishments mentioned by those
writers who pretend to know all about her," remarked Chilvers. "I have
been forced to learn from a casual reading of society events that this
remarkable heiress is without an equal as an equestrienne, that she
paints, sings, drives a sixty-horse-power Mercedes with a skill and a
courage which discourages the French chauffeurs, and does other athletic
and artistic feats, but I have yet to learn that she golfs."

"I presume," I said, "that she will take up the game, and also the turf.
The three Hardings doubtless will form one of those delightful family
parties which add so much to the merriment of a golf course. I can shut
my eyes and see them hacking their way around the links; the daughter
pretty and more anxious to show off the latest Parisian golfing costumes
than to replace a divot; the father determined, perspiring, and red of
face, and the mother stout and always in the way."

"Isn't Mr. Smith the incorrigible woman-hater?" exclaimed Mrs. Chilvers.
"You did not talk that way before you became so infatuated with golf,
Mr. Smith."

"I am not a woman-hater," I protested, "but I--I don't like to----"

"Some day Smith will meet a fair creature on the golf links and lose his
drive and his heart at the same time," declared Chilvers. "That was the
way I was tripped up and carried into bondage," he added, his hand
wandering to his wife's waist.

"With the exception of Mrs. Chilvers," I said, and I came very near
making no exceptions, Miss Ross and Miss Dangerfield having left
us--"with the exception of Mrs. Chilvers, I have yet to see the woman
who shows to advantage with a golf regalia. If Miss Harding is beautiful
enough to overcome the handicap which always attaches to the female golf
duffer, she can give Venus odds and beat her handily."

"You will meet a golfing Venus some day," smiled Mrs. Chilvers, willing
that her sex should be attacked so long as she was exempt.

"That's what he will," added Chilvers; "I'm agile, but I slipped."

"The artists who depict the woman golfer as graceful and attractive," I
continued, "must draw from imagination rather than from models. In my
humble opinion a woman shows to better advantage climbing a steep flight
of stairs than in any possible posture in striking a golf ball."

"The ladies--God bless 'em--and keep them off the links!" muttered
Marshall.

"Why, Charlie Marshall!" exclaimed Mrs. Quivers. "I shall see that your
wife hears that!"

"Don't tell her; she'll beat him terribly," warned Chilvers. "Did you
ever hear, Boyd, why our friend Smith is so sour when he sees a lady on
these links?"

Chilvers has told that story on me many times, but Boyd declared he had
not heard it.

"As you know," began Chilvers, "Smith was born on this farm. It's the
ancestral Smith homestead, and Smith's relatives were very indignant
when he leased it to the Woodvale Golf and Country Club. What was the
name of that maiden aunt of yours, Smith?"

"My Aunt Sarah Emeline Smith," I replied.

"Yes, yes! Well, Aunt Sarah Emeline was especially incensed over this
act of sacrilege on Smith's part," continued this historian, and he
followed the facts closely, "and only once since has she stepped foot on
the broad acres where her happy girlhood was spent. It was my
good-fortune to meet her on that occasion, and I shall never forget it."

"Neither shall I," I said.

"On her visit here Aunt Sarah Emeline persisted in wandering over the
links. She had on a wonderful bonnet, and through it she glared
disdainfully at the members of the club who yelled 'Fore!' at her. She
was headed for the old mill, which now is used as a caddy house. I was
playing the last hole and thought she was well out of line of a brassey,
so I fell on that ball for all I was worth. I sliced it; yes, I sliced
it badly."

[Illustration: "... and threw it in the pond"]

Chilvers paused and seemed lost in thought.

"Did it hit her?" asked Boyd.

"Of course it hit her," resumed Chilvers. "Aunt Sarah Emeline is more
than plump, and since it did not hit her in the head I can't see how it
could have hurt her. She certainly was able to stoop down, pick up that
ball and throw it in the pond--and it was a new ball. I ran toward her
and apologised the best I could, and what she said to me made a lasting
impression. I suppose, Smith, that it was the most expensive sliced ball
ever driven on these links?"

"Very likely," I sadly replied. "The following day I received a letter
from Aunt Sarah Emeline informing me that she had cut me out of her
will. And you still slice abominably, Chilvers."

"Thus you see that Smith has solid reasons for his prejudice against the
gentler sex as golfists," concluded Chilvers.

I entered a general denial, and the conversation drifted into other
channels. As a matter of fact, my dislike of the woman golfer is based
on different grounds.

A pretty woman is a most glorious creature, and I yield to no one in my
admiration of the fair sex, but a woman is out of her proper environment
when she persists in frequenting a golf course designed for men who are
experts at the game.

When I see women on the broad verandas of the Woodvale Club, or when I
see them strolling along the shaded paths or indulging in tennis,
croquet, and other games to which they are physically fitted, I know
that they possess tact and discrimination, but when I see them ahead of
me on the golf links--well, it is different.

Women may gain in health by attempting to play golf, but they do so at
the expense of shattered masculine nerves and morals. When our board of
management decided to permit the ladies to have free use of the course
at all times except when tournaments are in progress, I resigned as
director, but what good did it do?

A woman never is so tenacious of her rights as when she is in the wrong.
I wonder if that is original?

I know of no agony more acute than to be condemned to play golf with
women when there is a chance to get in a foursome with good scratch men.
The dyspeptic compelled to fast while watching the progress of a
banquet, must suffer similar torture.

"What's the use of sitting here and talking?" demanded Chilvers. "It has
cooled off; let's have a foursome. Marshall and I will play you and
Boyd, Smith. What do you say?"

At this instant the head waiter appeared and said Mr. Thomas wished me
to come to his table for a moment. Thomas was on the other side of the
veranda, but I had a suspicion of what was in store for me and arose
with a sinking heart.

Thomas is the only good player in the club who is willing to make up a
foursome with women, or, as it is most properly called, a "mixed
foursome." I never saw one which was not mixed before many holes had
been played.

Just as I anticipated, I found Thomas at a table with Miss Ross and Miss
Dangerfield. Both are so pretty it is a shame they attempt to play golf.

"We are planning a foursome and Miss Dangerfield has chosen you for her
partner," began Thomas, who knows exactly how I feel about such matters
and who delights to lure me into trouble.

"If you and Miss Dangerfield will give Miss Ross and me two strokes,"
proposed Thomas, "we will play you for the dinners."

I felt sure it was a put-up job, but what could I say?

"I did not dare choose you for my partner, Mr. Smith," interposed Miss
Dangerfield. "I know it is tiresome for a good player to go pottering
around the links with women at his heels, and only suggested a game if
you had no other engagements."

"Mr. Smith dare not plead another engagement," asserted Miss Ross, her
dark eyes flashing a challenge. She is a lovely girl, but digs up the
turf terribly.

"Smith has no game on. He has been over there talking for an hour,"
added Thomas, before I could say a word. I could have murdered him.

"I am delighted, and it is kind of you to ask me," I lied most
effusively. "It is an easy game for us, Miss Dangerfield."

"Do not be too sure," scornfully laughed Miss Rosa. "Mr. Thomas is a
splendid player."

"But he cannot equal Mr. Smith," declared my loyal partner. "Oh, Mr.
Smith, I have heard so much of your long drives and wonderful approach
shots! It is so good of you to play with us."

"It is an unexpected pleasure," I replied, rather ashamed of myself.

I have no patience to describe in detail the game which followed. I am
usually sure on a drive, but I topped five out of the eighteen and
popped half of the others into the air.

Miss Dangerfield distinguished herself by missing her ball four
successive times from the tee. This is not the female record for this
feat, so I am informed, but it is a very creditable performance for a
young lady who selects a scratch player for her partner.

Miss Ross played my ball by mistake on two occasions, and on one of them
succeeded in almost cutting it in half. It is a mystery to me why a
woman cannot keep track of her own ball, when as a rule she does not
knock it more than twenty yards.

The ball she hits is usually a dirty, hacked-up object, but when she
goes to look for it she imagines that by some miracle it has been
transformed into a clean, white, and unmarked sphere, which has been
driven for the first time.

Carter arrived at the club shortly after our "mixed foursome" had
started out. He took my place, he and Boyd playing Marshall and
Chilvers. Our orbits crossed several times.

Miss Dangerfield found three balls. One of them belonged to Chilvers,
and he saw her find it, but he is a perfect gentleman and did not say a
word. It was the one redeeming incident in the game.

Miss Dangerfield confided to me that she is making a collection of
balls.

"I am awfully lucky," she said, looking critically at Chilvers' ball.
"Whenever I find one I keep it as a memento of the game; that is, of
course, if it is nice and clean like this one."

"As a memento?" I inquired.

"Certainly," she declared. "I have a cute little brush and some water
colours. I paint the date of discovery on the ball and add it to my
collection. Sometimes I paint flowers on the ball, and sometimes birds
and other things. You should see my collection! Don't you think it's a
real cute idea?"

"It is startlingly original," I said, and her bright and innocent smile
showed her appreciation of the compliment. "How many have you in your
collection?"

[Illustration: "Fore there! hay there!!"]

"Oh, lots and lots of them," she said. "I am to have a portrait of
myself done in oil, showing me in a golfing costume just about to knock
the ball as far as I can, and the frame will be composed of golf balls I
have found. Oh, here's another lost ball!" and she started for one which
was lying on the fair green not many yards away. I knew to whom it
belonged.

"Fore! Fore! Hi, hay there; drop it; that's my ball!" yelled a club
member named Pepper, coming on a run from behind a bunker. Pepper is a
married man, near the fifty-year mark, and he is extremely nervous and
even irritable when any one approaches his ball.

"Don't touch it!" shouted Pepper, now on a dead run. "You'll make me
lose the hole! Don't you know the make of the ball you're playing? Mine
is a Kempshall remade."

"Oh, this is not my ball," frankly declared Miss Dangerfield. "My ball
is over there, but I thought this was one which had been lost."

"I pitched it out of that trap a moment ago," insisted Pepper, "and did
not take my eyes off it."

"I am sure I do not want it if it is yours!" haughtily declared Miss
Dangerfield, turning indignantly away.

"Thank you," said Pepper, politely as he knows how, and we went on our
way leaving him to recover his composure as best he could. I looked back
and noted that he fumbled his next shot.

"If I thought as much as that of a mere golf ball I would never play
the game," pouted Miss Dangerfield. "I think he is horrid, and I shall
never speak to him again!"

"If he had lost the ball he would have lost the hole," I explained,
anxious to extenuate Pepper's offense as much as possible.

"Suppose he did lose the old hole!" exclaimed the wronged young lady.
"What does it amount to if you lose one insignificant hole when there
are eighteen in all?"

I could think of nothing else to say, and had the tact to change the
conversation to the unique frame for her portrait with its "lost ball"
border.

"You will save material and secure a more artistic effect," I suggested,
"by having an artisan cut the balls in halves. They will then lie flat
to the frame, and one ball will do the service of two."

Miss Dangerfield was so taken with this idea that she speedily forgot
that brute Pepper.

Coming in we were passed by Marshall, Chilvers, Carter, and Boyd. How I
envied them! We stood and silently watched while each made ripping long
drives. There is nothing which contributes more to a man's good opinion
of himself than to line a ball straight out two hundred yards when a
bevy of pretty girls is watching him.

The tendency of the woman golfer to frankly express her admiration for
the strength and skill of a man who can drive a clean and long ball is
her great redeeming trait when on the links.

The man who is careless of the praise of his male peers is prone to be
raised to the seventh heaven of golf bliss when listening to the
long-drawn chorus of "Oh!" "Wasn't that splendid!" "I could just die if
I could drive like that!" and similar expressions from dainty maidens
who do not know the difference between a follow through and a jigger.

An ideal golf course would be one where the members of the fair sex are
content to group themselves about the driving tees and award an honest
meed of praise and applause to their fathers, husbands, or sweethearts.

"You're up, Thomas," I said when the crack foursome was out of range.

Thomas basted out a screecher, and Miss Ross followed with the best shot
she ever made. Miss Dangerfield missed as usual.

"I'm awfully sorry," she said, "but I'm sure you will do better than Mr.
Thomas."

In my anxiety to verify her prediction I pressed, topped my ball, and it
rolled into the bunker. Chilvers looked back and grinned and then said
something to Marshall at which both of them laughed.

Of course we were beaten, and beaten disgracefully. Miss Dangerfield did
not take it the least to heart, but the dinner did not cost her
thirty-two dollars. Not that I care for the money, but it is the first
time this year that my score has been more than ninety.

I can take Thomas out alone and beat him so badly he will not dare turn
in his score, but in a mixed foursome he can put it all over me.

It does not take much to throw a man off his golf game. For instance: My
private secretary came up from the city early this morning. Among other
matters he called my attention to the fact that my N.O. & G. railway
stock has dropped three points during the week. I seldom indulge in
stock speculation, but was induced to buy two thousand shares of this
security on what I believed to be inside information. The stock is now
selling at five points below my purchase price, a paper loss of $10,000.

"Your brokers inform me that unless you desire to take your losses it
will be necessary to put up a ten-point margin," said my secretary.

"That means a cheque for $20,000, I presume," I observed, making a
hurried calculation. He said it did, and I gave it to him.

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