Rule a Wife, and Have a Wife by Francis Beaumont and John Fletcher

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170] Rule a Wife, and have a Wife

The works of Beaumont and Fletcher, edited by A.R. Walker

Actus Primus

Scena Prima

[Enter _Juan de Castro_, and _Michael Perez_.]

Michael Perez:

Are your Companies full, Colonel?

Juan de Castro:

No, not yet, Sir:
Nor will not be this month yet, as I reckon;
How rises your Command?

Michael Perez:

We pick up still, and as our monies hold out,
We have men come, about that time I think
We shall be full too, many young Gallants go.

Juan de Castro:

And unexperienced,
The Wars are dainty dreams to young hot spirits,
Time and Experience will allay those Visions,
We have strange things to fill our numbers,
There's one _Don Leon_, a strange goodly fellow,
Recommended to me from some noble Friends,
For my _Alferes_, had you but seen his Person,
And what a Giants promise it protesteth.

Michael Perez:

I have heard of him, and that he hath serv'd before too.

Juan de Castro:

But no harm done, nor never meant, _Don Michael_,
That came to my ears yet, ask him a question,
He blushes like a Girl, and answers little,
To the point less, he wears a Sword, a good one,
And good Cloaths too, he is whole skin'd, has no hurt yet,
Good promising hopes, I never yet heard certainly
Of any Gentleman that saw him angry.

Michael Perez:

Preserve him, he'll conclude a peace if need be,
Many as strong as he will go along with us,
That swear as valiantly as heart can wish,
Their mouths charg'd with six oaths at once, and whole ones,
That make the drunken Dutch creep into Mole-hills.
171]

Juan de Castro:

'Tis true, such we must look for: but _Mich. Perez_,
When heard you of _Donna Margarita_, the great Heiress?

Michael Perez:

I hear every hour of her, though I never saw her,
She is the main discourse: noble _Don Juan de Castro_,
How happy were that man could catch this Wench up,
And live at ease! she is fair, and young, and wealthy,
Infinite wealthy, and as gracious too
In all her entertainments, as men report.

Juan de Castro:

But she is proud, Sir, that I know for certain,
And that comes seldome without wantonness,
He that shall marry her, must have a rare hand.

Michael Perez:

Would I were married, I would find that Wisdom,
With a light rein to rule my Wife: if ever Woman
Of the most subtile mould went beyond me,
I would give the Boys leave to whoot me out o'th' Parish.

[Enter a Servant.]

Servant:

Sir, there be two Gentlewomen attend to speak
With you.

Juan de Castro:

Wait on 'em in.

Michael Perez:

Are they two handsome Women?

Servant:

They seem so, very handsom, but they are vail'd, Sir.

Michael Perez:

Thou put'st sugar in my mouth, how it melts with me!
I love a sweet young Wench.

Juan de Castro:

Wait on them in I say.
[Exit Servant.

Michael Perez:

_Don Juan._

Juan de Castro:

How you itch, _Michael_! how you burnish!
Will not this Souldiers heat out of your bones yet,
Do your Eyes glow now?

Michael Perez:

There be two.

Juan de Castro:

Say honest, what shame have you then?

Michael Perez:

I would fain see that,
I have been in the Indies twice, and have seen strange things,
But two honest Women;--one I read of once.

Juan de Castro:

Prithee be modest.

Michael Perez:

I'll be any thing.

[Enter _Servant_, _Donna Clara_, and _Estifania_ vail'd.]

Juan de Castro:

You are welcome Ladies.

Michael Perez:

Both hooded, I like 'em well though,
172] They come not for advice in Law sure hither;
May be they would learn to raise the Pike,
I am for 'em: they are very modest, 'tis a fine Preludium.

Juan de Castro:

With me, or with this Gentleman,
Would you speak, Lady?

Clara:

With you, Sir, as I guess, _Juan de Castro_.

Michael Perez:

Her Curtain opens, she is a pretty Gentlewoman.

Juan de Castro:

I am the Man, and shall be bound to Fortune,
I may do any service to your Beauties.

Clara:

Captain, I hear you are marching down to _Flanders_,
To serve the Catholick King.

Juan de Castro:

I am sweet Lady.

Clara:

I have a Kinsman, and a noble Friend,
Imploy'd in those Wars, may be, Sir, you know him,
_Don Campusano_ Captain of _Carbines_,
To whom I would request your Nobleness,
To give this poor Remembrance.

[A Letter.

Juan de Castro:

I shall do it,
I know the Gentleman, a most worthy Captain.

Clara:

Something in private.

Juan de Castro:

Step aside: I'll serve thee.
[Ex. _Juan_, and _Clara_.

Michael Perez:

Prithee let me see thy face.

Estifania:

Sir, you must pardon me,
Women of our sort, that maintain fair memories,
And keep suspect off from their Chastities,
Had need wear thicker Vails.

Michael Perez:

I am no blaster of a Ladies Beauty,
Nor bold intruder on her special favours,
I know how tender Reputation is,
And with what guards it ought to be preserv'd, Lady,
You may to me.

Estifania:

You must excuse me, Seignior, I come
Not here to sell my self.

Michael Perez:

As I am a Gentleman, by the honour of a Souldier.

Estifania:

I believe you,
I pray you be civil, I believe you would see me,
And when you have seen me I believe you will like me,
But in a strange place, to a stranger too,
As if I came on purpose to betray you,
Indeed I will not.
173]

Michael Perez:

I shall love you dearly,
And 'tis a sin to fling away affection,
I have no Mistress, no desire to honour
Any but you, will not this Oyster open?
I know not, you have struck me with your modesty;
She will draw sure; so deep, and taken from me
All the desire I might bestow on others,
Quickly before they come.

Estifania:

Indeed I dare not:
But since I see you are so desirous, Sir,
To view a poor face that can merit nothing
But your Repentance.

Michael Perez:

It must needs be excellent.

Estifania:

And with what honesty you ask it of me,
When I am gone let your man follow me,
And view what house I enter, thither come,
For there I dare be bold to appear open:
And as I like your vertuous carriage then,

[Enter _Juan_, _Clara_, a Servant.]

I shall be able to give welcome to you;
She hath done her business, I must take my leave, Sir.

Michael Perez:

I'll kiss your fair white hand and thank you, Lady.
My man shall wait, and I shall be your Servant;
Sirrah, come near, hark.

Servant:

I shall do it faithfully.
[Exit.

Juan de Castro:

You will command me no more services?

Clara:

To be careful of your noble health, dear Sir,
That I may ever honour you.

Juan de Castro:

I thank you,
And kiss your hands, wait on the Ladies down there.

[Exeunt Ladies, and Servants.

Michael Perez:

You had the honour to see the face that came to you?

Juan de Castro:

And 'twas a fair one; what was yours, _Don Michael_?

Michael Perez:

Mine was i'th' clipse, and had a Cloud drawn over it.
But I believe well, and I hope 'tis handsome,
She had a hand would stir a holy Hermite.

Juan de Castro:

You know none of 'em?

Michael Perez:

No.

Juan de Castro:

Then I do, Captain,
174] But I'll say nothing till I see the proof on't,
Sit close _Don Perez_, or your Worship's caught.
I fear a Flye.

Michael Perez:

Were those she brought Love-Letters?

Juan de Castro:

A Packet to a Kinsman now in _Flanders_,
Yours was very modest methought.

Michael Perez:

Some young unmanag'd thing,
But I may live to see--

Juan de Castro:

'Tis worth experience,
Let's walk abroad and view our Companies.

[Exeunt.

[Enter _Sanchio_, and _Alonzo_.]

Sanchio:

What, are you for the Wars, _Alonzo_?

Alonzo:

It may be I,
It may be no, e'n as the humour takes me.
If I find peace amongst the female Creatures,
And easie entertainment, I'll stay at home,
I am not so far obliged yet to long Marches
And mouldy Biskets, to run mad for Honour,
When you are all gone I have my choice before me.

Sanchio:

Of which Hospital thou wilt sweat in; wilt thou
Never leave whoring?

Alonzo:

There is less danger in't than gunning, _Sanchio_,
Though we be shot sometimes, the shot's not mortal,
Besides, it breaks no limbs.

Sanchio:

But it disables 'em,
Dost thou see how thou pull'st thy legs after thee, as they
Hung by points.

Alonzo:

Better to pull 'em thus than walk on wooden ones,
Serve bravely for a Billet to support me.

Sanchio:

Fye, fye, 'tis base.

Alonzo:

Dost thou count it base to suffer?
Suffer abundantly? 'tis the Crown of Honour;
You think it nothing to lie twenty days
Under a Surgeons hands that has no mercy.

Sanchio:

As thou hast done I am sure, but I perceive now
Why you desire to stay, the orient Heiress,
The _Margarita_, Sir,

Alonzo:

I would I had her.

Sanchio:

They say she will marry.
175]

Alonzo:

I think she will.

Sanchio:

And marry suddenly, as report goes too,
She fears her Youth will not hold out, _Alonzo_.

Alonzo:

I would I had the sheathing on't.

Sanchio:

They say too
She has a greedy eye that must be fed
With more than one mans meat.

Alonzo:

Would she were mine,
I would cater for her well enough; but _Sanchio_,
There be too many great men that adore her,
Princes, and Princes fellows, that claim priviledge.

Sanchio:

Yet those stand off i'th' way of marriage,
To be tyed to a man's pleasure is a second labour.

Alonzo:

She has bought a brave house here in town.

Sanchio:

I have heard so.

Alonzo:

If she convert it now to pious uses,
And bid poor Gentlemen welcome.

Sanchio:

When comes she to it?

Alonzo:

Within these two days, she is in the Country yet,
And keeps the noblest House.

Sanchio:

Then there's some hope of her,
Wilt thou go my way?

Alonzo:

No, no, I must leave you,
And repair to an old Gentlewoman
That has credit with her, that can speak a good word.

Sanchio:

Send thee good fortune, but make thy Body sound first.

Alonzo:

I am a Souldier,
And too sound a Body becomes me not;
Farewel, _Sanchio_.

[Exeunt.

[Enter a Servant of _Michael Perez_.]

Servant:

'Tis this or that house, or I have lost my aim,
They are both fair buildings, she walked plaguy fast,

[Enter _Estifania_.]

And hereabouts I lost her; stay, that's she,
'Tis very she,--she makes me a low court'sie,
Let me note the place, the street I well remember.

[Exit.

She is in again, certain some noble Lady.
How happy should I be if she love my master:
176] A wondrous goodly house, here are brave lodgings,
And I shall sleep now like an Emperour,
And eat abundantly: I thank my fortune,
I'll back with speed, and bring him happy tidings.

[Exit.

[Enter three old Ladies.]

1 Lady:

What should it mean, that in such haste
We are sent for?

2 Lady:

Belike the Lady _Margaret_ has some business
She would break to us in private.

3 Lady:

It should seem so.
'Tis a good Lady, and a wise young Lady.

2 Lady:

And vertuous enough too I warrant ye
For a young Woman of her years; 'tis pity
To load her tender Age with too much Vertue.

3 Lady:

'Tis more sometimes than we can well away with.

[Enter _Altea_.]

Altea:

Good morrow, Ladies.

All:

'Morrow, my good Madam.

1 Lady:

How does the sweet young Beauty, Lady _Margaret_?

2 Lady:

Has she slept well after her walk last night?

1 Lady:

Are her dreams gentle to her mind?

Altea:

All's well,
She's very well, she sent for you thus suddenly
To give her counsel in a business
That much concerns her.

2 Lady:

She does well and wisely,
To ask the counsel of the ancientst, Madam,
Our years have run through many things she knows not.

Altea:

She would fain marry.

1 Lady:

'Tis a proper calling,
And well beseems her years, who would she yoke with?

Altea:

That's left to argue on, I pray come in
And break your fast, drink a good cup or two,
To strengthen your understandings, then she'l tell ye.

2 Lady:

And good wine breeds good counsel.
We'l yield to ye.

[Exeunt.

177]
[Enter _Juan de Castro_, and _Leon_.]

Juan de Castro:

Have you seen any service?

Leon:

Yes.

Juan de Castro:

Where?

Leon:

Every where.

Juan de Castro:

What office bore ye?

Leon:

None, I was not worthy.

Juan de Castro:

What Captains know you?

Leon:

None, they were above me.

Juan de Castro:

Were you never hurt?

Leon:

Not that I well remember,
But once I stole a Hen, and then they beat me;
Pray ask me no long questions, I have an ill memory.

Juan de Castro:

This is an Asse, did you never draw your sword yet?

Leon:

Not to do any harm I thank Heaven for't.

Juan de Castro:

Nor ne'r ta'ne prisoner?

Leon:

No, I ran away,
For I had ne'r no mony to redeem me.

Juan de Castro:

Can you endure a Drum?

Leon:

It makes my head ake.

Juan de Castro:

Are you not valiant when you are drunk?

Leon:

I think not, but I am loving Sir.

Juan de Castro:

What a lump is this man,
Was your Father wise?

Leon:

Too wise for me I'm sure,
For he gave all he had to my younger Brother.

Juan de Castro:

That was no foolish part I'le bear you witness.
Canst thou lye with a woman?

Leon:

I think I could make shift Sir,
But I am bashfull.

Juan de Castro:

In the night?

Leon:

I know not,
Darkness indeed may do some good upon me.

Juan de Castro:

Why art thou sent to me to be my officer,
I, and commended too, when thou darst not fight?

Leon:

There be more officers of my opinion,
Or I am cozen'd Sir, men that talk more too.

Juan de Castro:

How wilt thou scape a bullet?

Leon:

Why by chance,
178] They aim at honourable men, alas I am none Sir.

Juan de Castro:

This fellow has some doubts in's talk that strike me,

[Enter _Alonzo_.]

He cannot be all fool: welcom _Alonzo_.

Alonzo:

What have you got there, temperance into your company?
The spirit of peace? we shall have wars

[Enter _Cacafogo_.]

By th'ounce then. O here's another pumpion,
Let him loose for luck sake, the cram'd son
Of a stay'd Usurer, _Cacafogo_, both their brains butter'd,
Cannot make two spoonfulls.

Cacafogo:

My Father's dead: I am a man of war too,
Monyes, demesns; I have ships at sea too,
Captains.

Juan de Castro:

Take heed o'th' Hollanders, your ships may leak else.

Cacafogo:

I scorn the Hollanders, they are my drunkards.

Alonzo:

Put up your gold Sir, I'le borrow it else.

Cacafogo:

I am satisfied, you shall not,
Come out, I know thee, meet mine anger instantly.

Leon:

I never wrong'd ye.

Cacafogo:

Thou hast wrong'd mine honor,
Thou look'dst upon my Mistris thrice lasciviously,
I'le make it good.

Juan de Castro:

Do not hea[t] your self, you will surfeit.

Cacafogo:

Thou wan'st my mony too, with a pair of base bones,
In whom there was no truth, for which I beat thee,
I beat thee much, now I will hurt thee dangerously.
This shall provoke thee.

[He strikes.

Alonzo:

You struck too low by a foot Sir.

Juan de Castro:

You must get a ladder when you would beat
This fellow.

Leon:

I cannot chuse but kick again, pray pardon me.

Cacafogo:

Had'st thou not ask'd my pardon, I had kill'd thee,
I leave thee as a thing despis'd, _assoles manus a vostra siniare_
_a Maistre_.

[Exit _Cacafogo_.

Alonzo:

You have scap'd by miracle, there is not in all _Spain_,
A spirit of more fury than this fire drake.

Leon:

I see he is hasty, and I would give him leave
179] To beat me soundly if he would take my bond.

Juan de Castro:

What shall I do with this fellow?

Alonzo:

Turn him off,
He will infect the camp with cowardise,
If he goe with thee.

Juan de Castro:

About some week hence Sir,
If I can hit upon no abler officer,
You shall hear from me.

Leon:

I desire no better.
[Exit.

[Enter _Estifania_, and _Perez_.]

Michael Perez:

You have made me now too bountifull amends, Lady
For your strict carriage when you saw me first,
These beauties were not meant to be conceal'd,
It was a wrong to hide so sweet an object,
I cou'd now chide ye, but it shall be thus,
No other anger ever touch your sweetness.

Estifania:

You appear to me so honest, and so civil,
Without a blush Sir, I dare bid ye welcom.

Michael Perez:

Now let me ask your name.

Estifania:

'Tis _Estifanie_, the heir of this poor place.

Michael Perez:

Poor do you call it?
There's nothing that I cast mine eyes upon,
But shews both rich and admirable, all the rooms
Are hung as if a Princess were to dwell here,
The Gardens, Orchards, every thing so curious:
Is all that plate your own too?

Estifania:

'Tis but little,
Only for present use, I have more and richer,
When need shall call, or friends compel me use it,
The sutes you see of all the upper chamber,
Are those that commonly adorn the house,
I think I have besides, as fair, as civil,
As any town in _Spain_ can parallel.

Michael Perez:

Now if she be not married, I have some hopes.
Are you a maid?

Estifania:

You make me blush to answer,
I ever was accounted so to this hour,
And that's the reason that I live retir'd Sir.

Michael Perez:

Then would I counsel you to marry presently,
180] (If I can get her, I am made for ever)
For every year you lose, you lose a beauty,
A Husband now, an honest careful Husband,
Were such a comfort: will ye walk above stairs?

Estifania:

This place will fit our talk, 'tis fitter far Sir,
Above there are day-beds, and such temptations
I dare not trust Sir.

Michael Perez:

She is excellent wise withal too.

Estifania:

You nam'd a husband, I am not so strict Sir,
Nor ti'd unto a Virgins solitariness,
But if an honest, and a noble one,
Rich, and a souldier, for so I have vowed he shall be,
Were offer'd me, I think I should accept him,
But above all he must love.

Michael Perez:

He were base else,
There's comfort ministred in the word souldier,
How sweetly should I live!

Estifania:

I am not so ignorant, but that I know well,
How to be commanded,
And how again to make my self obey'd Sir,
I waste but little, I have gather'd much,
My rial not the less worth, when 'tis spent,
If spent by my direction, to please my Husband,
I hold it as indifferent in my duty,
To be his maid i'th' kitchen, or his Cook,
As in the Hall to know my self the Mistris.

Michael Perez:

Sweet, rich, and provident, now fortune stick
To me; I am a Souldier, and a bachelour, Lady,
And such a wife as you, I cou'd love infinitely,
They that use many words, some are deceitfull,
I long to be a Husband, and a good one,
For 'tis most certain I shall make a president
For all that follow me to love their Ladies,
I am young you see, able I would have you think too,
If't please you know, try me before you take me.
'Tis true I shall not meet in equal wealth
With ye, but Jewels, Chains, such as the war
Has given me, a thousand Duckets I dare
Presume on in ready gold, now as your
Care may handle it, as rich cloths too, as
181] Any he bears arms Lady.

Estifania:

You are a true gentleman, and fair, I see by ye,
And such a man I had rather take.

Michael Perez:

Pray do so, I'le have a Priest o'th' sudden.

Estifania:

And as suddenly you will repent too.

Michael Perez:

I'le be hang'd or drown'd first,
By this and this, and this kiss.

Estifania:

You are a Flatterer,
But I must say there was something when I saw you
First, in that most noble face, that stirr'd my fancy.

Michael Perez:

I'le stir it better e're you sleep sweet Lady,
I'le send for all my trunks and give up all to ye,
Into your own dispose, before I bed ye,
And then sweet wench.

Estifania:

You have the art to cozen me.
[Exeunt.

Actus Secundus

Scena Prima

[Enter _Margarita_, and two Ladies, and _Altea_.]

Margarita:

Sit down and give me your opinions seriously.

1 Lady:

You say you have a mind to marry Lady.

Margarita:

'Tis true, I have for to preserve my credit,
Yet not so much for that as for my state Ladies,
Conceive me right, there lies the main o'th' question,
Credit I can redeem, mony will imp it,
But when my monie's gone, when the law shall
Seize that, and for incontinency strip me
Of all.

1 Lady:

Do you find your body so malitious that way?

Margarita:

I find it as all bodies are that are young and lusty,
Lazy, and high fed, I desire my pleasure,
And pleasure I must have.

2 Lady:

'Tis fit you should have,
Your years require it, and 'tis necessary,
As necessary as meat to a young Lady,
Sleep cannot nourish more.

1 Lady:

But might not all this be, and keep ye single.
You take away variety in marriage,
The abundance of the pleasure you are bar'd then,
182] Is't not abundance that you aim at?

Margarita:

Yes why was I made a woman?

2 Lady:

And every day a new?

Margarita:

Why fair and young but to use it?

1 Lady:

You are still i'th' right, why would you marry then?

Altea:

Because a husband stops all doubts in this point,
And clears all passages.

2 Lady:

What Husband mean ye?

Altea:

A Husband of an easy faith, a fool,
Made by her wealth, and moulded to her pleasure,
One though he see himself become a monster,
Shall hold the door, and entertain the maker.

2 Lady:

You grant there may be such a man.

1 Lady:

Yes marry, but how to bring 'em to this rare Perfection.

2 Lady:

They must be chosen so, things of no honour,
Nor outward honesty.

Margarita:

No 'tis no matter,
I care not what they are, so they be lusty.

2 Lady:

Me thinks now a rich Lawyer, some such fellow,
That carries credit, and a face of awe,
But lies with nothing but his clients business.

Margarita:

No there's no trusting them, they are too subtil,
The Law has moulded 'em of natural mischief.

1 Lady:

Then some grave governor,
Some man of honour, yet an easy man.

Margarita:

If he have honour I am undone, I'le none such,
I'le have a lusty man, honour will cloy me..br

Altea:

'Tis fit ye should Lady;
And to that end, with search and wit and labour,
I have found one out, a right one and a perfect,
He is made as strong as brass, is of brave years too,
And doughty of complexion.

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