Woman's Life in Colonial Days by Carl Holliday

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Naturally, as a matter of mere defense, the women of pure white blood
drew the color line very strictly, and would not knowingly mingle
socially to the very slightest degree with a person of mixed negro or
Indian blood. Such severe distinctions led to embarrassing and even
cruel incidents at social gatherings; and on many occasions, if
cool-headed social leaders had not quickly ejected guests of tainted
lineage, there undoubtedly would have been bloodshed. Berquin-Duvallon
describes just such a scene: "The ladies' ball is a sanctuary where no
woman dare approach if she has even a suspicion of mixed blood. The
purest conduct, the most eminent virtues could not lessen this strain in
the eyes of the implacable ladies. One of the latter, married and known
to have been implicated in various intrigues with men of the locality,
one day entered one of those fine balls. 'There is a woman of mixed
blood here,' she cried haughtily. This rumor ran about the ballroom. In
fact, two young quadroon ladies were seen there, who were esteemed for
the excellent education which they had received, and much more for their
honorable conduct. They were warned and obliged to disappear in haste
before a shameless woman, and their society would have been a real
pollution for her."

Perhaps, after all, little blame for such outbursts can be placed upon
the white women of the day. Berquin-Duvallon recognized and admired
their excellent quality and seems to have wondered why so many men could
prefer girls of color to these clean, healthy, and honorable ladies. Of
them he says: "The Louisiana women, and notably those born and resident
on the plantations, have various estimable qualities. Respectful as
girls, affectionate as wives, tender as mothers, and careful as
mistresses, possessing thoroughly the details of household economy,
honest, reserved, proper--in the van almost--they are in general, most
excellent women." But those of mixed blood or lower lineage, he remarks:
"A tone of extravagance and show in excess of one's means is seen there
in the dress of the women, in the elegance of their carriages, and in
their fine furniture."

Indeed, this display in dress and equipage astounded the French. The
sight of it in a city where Indians, negroes, and half-breeds mingled
freely with whites on street and in dive, where sanitary conditions were
beyond description, and where ignorance and slovenliness were too
apparent to be overlooked, seems to have rather nettled
Berquin-Duvallon, and he sometimes grew rather heated in his
descriptions of an unwarranted luxury and extravagance equal to that of
the capitals of Europe. But now, "the women of the city dress
tastefully, and their change of appearance in this respect in a very
short space of time is really surprising. Not three years ago, with
lengthened skirts, the upper part of their clothing being of one color,
and the lower of another, and all the rest of their dress in proportion;
they were brave with many ribbons and few jewels. Thus rigged out they
went everywhere, on their round of visits, to the ball, and to the
theatre. To-day, such a costume seems to them, and rightfully so, a
masquerade. The richest of embroidered muslins, cut in the latest
styles, and set off as transparencies over soft and brilliant taffetas,
with magnificent lace trimmings, and with embroidery and
gold-embroidered spangles, are to-day fitted to and beautify well
dressed women and girls; and this is accompanied by rich earrings,
necklaces, bracelets, rings, precious jewels, in fine with all that can
relate to dress--to that important occupation of the fair sex."

But beneath all this gaudy show of dress and wealth there was a
shameful ignorance that seems to have disgusted foreign visitors. There
was so little other pleasure in life for the women of this colony; their
education was so limited that they could not possibly have known the
variety of intellectual pastimes that made life so interesting for Eliza
Pinckney, Mrs. Adams, and Catherine Schuyler. With surprise
Berquin-Duvallon noted that "there is no other public institution fit
for the education of the youth of this country than a simple school
maintained by the government. It is composed of about fifty children,
nearly all from poor families. Reading, writing, and arithmetic are
taught there in two languages, French and Spanish. There is also the
house of the French nuns, who have some young girls as boarders, and who
have a class for day students. There is also a boarding school for young
Creole girls, which was established about fifteen months ago.... The
Creole women lacking in general the talents that adorn education have no
taste for music, drawing or, embroidery, but in revenge they have an
extreme passion for dancing and would pass all their days and nights at
it."

There was indeed some attendance at theatres as the source of amusement;
but of the sources of cultural pleasure there were certainly very few.
To our French friend it was genuinely disgusting, and he relieved his
feelings in the following summary of fault-finding: "Few good musicians
are to be seen here. There is only one single portrait painter, whose
talent is suited to the walk of life where he employs it. Finally, in a
city inhabited by ten thousand souls, as is New Orleans, I record it as
a fact that not ten truly learned men can be found.... There is found
here neither ship-yard, colonial post, college, nor public nor private
library. Neither is there a book store, and, for good reasons, for a
bookseller would die of hunger in the midst of his books."

With little of an intellectual nature to divert them, with the
temptations incident to slavery and mixed races on every hand, with a
heritage of rather lax ideas concerning sexual morality, the men of the
day too frequently found their chief pastimes in feeding the appetites
of the flesh, and too often the women forgot and forgave. To
Berquin-Duvallon it all seems very strange and very crude. "I cannot
accustom myself to those great mobs, or to the old custom of the men (on
these gala occasions or better, orgies) of getting more than on edge
with wine, so that they get fuddled even before the ladies, and
afterward act like drunken men in the presence of those beautiful
ladies, who, far from being offended at it, appear on the contrary to be
amused by it." And out of it all, out of these conditions forming so
vivid a contrast to the average life of Massachusetts and Pennsylvania,
grew this final dark picture--one that could not have been tolerated in
the Anglo-Saxon colonies of the North: "The most remarkable, as well as
the most pathetic result of that gangrenous irregularity in this city is
the exposing of a number of white babies (sad fruits of a clandestine
excess) who are sacrificed from birth by their guilty mothers to a false
honor after they have sacrificed their true honor to their unbridled
inclination for a luxury that destroys them."

Thus, we have had glimpses of social life, with its pleasures,
throughout the colonies. Perhaps, it was a trifle too cautious in
Massachusetts, a little fearful lest the mere fact that a thing was
pleasant might make it sinful; perhaps in early New York it was a little
too physical, though generally innocent, smacking a little too much of
rich, heavy foods and drink; perhaps among the Virginians it echoed too
often with the bay of the fox hound and the click of racing hoofs. But
certainly in the latter half of the eighteenth century whether in
Massachusetts, the Middle Colonies, or Virginia and South Carolina
social activities often showed a culture, refinement and general _eclat_
which no young nation need be ashamed of, and which, in fact, were far
above what might justly have been expected in a country so little
touched by the hand of civilized man. In the main, those were wholesome,
sane days in the English colonies, and life offered almost as pleasant a
journey to most Americans as it does to-day.

FOOTNOTES:

[153] Tyler: _England in America_, p. 115, _American Nation Series_.

[154] _The Jeffersonian System_, p. 218, _American Nation Series_.

[155] _Ibid._, p. 115.

[156] Page 89.

[157] Ravenel: _Eliza Pinckney_, p. 227.

[158] Ravenel: _Elisa Pinckney_, p. 13.

[159] Wharton: _Martha Washington_, p. 166.

[160] Ravenel: _E. Pinckney_, p. 20.

[161] Pages 46-48.

[162] Ravenal: _Eliza Pinckney_, p. 49.

[163] Wharton: _Martha Washington_, p. 56.

[164] Wharton: _Martha Washington_, p. 186.

[165] Page 205.

[166] Vol. I, p. 116.

[167] Vol. I, p. 31.

[168] Vol. I, p. 143.

[169] Vol. I, p. 171.

[170] Vol. I, p, 191.

[171] _Diary_, p. 189.

[172] _Diary_, p. 289.

[173] _Diary_, p. 321.

[174] _Diary_, p. 119.

[175] _Diary_, p. 54.

[176] _Diary_, p. 121.

[177] _Diary_, p. 69.

[178] Vol. III, p. 43.

[179] Vol. III, p. 341.

[180] Vol. II, p. 367.

[181] Vol. III, p. 7.

[182] Vol. II, p. 14.

[183] Vol. II, p. 20.

[184] Vol. II, p. 32.

[185] Vol. I, p. 481.

[186] Vol. I, p. 202.

[187] Vol. I, p. 195.

[188] Vol. II, p. 175.

[189] Vol. III, p. 292.

[190] Andrews: _Colonial Self-Government_, p. 302, _American Nation
Series_.

[191] _Diary_, Vol. II, p. 109.

[192] _Diary_, Vol. I, p. 125.

[193] _Diary_, Vol. II, p. 158.

[194] _Diary_, Vol. I, p. 145.

[195] _Diary_, Vol. III, p. 244.

[196] _Diary_, Vol. III, p. 341.

[197] _Diary_, Vol. III, p. 143.

[198] _Diary_, Vol. I, p. 228.

[199] _Diary_, Vol. II, p. 216.

[200] _Diary_, Vol. I, p. 410.

[201] _Diary_, Vol. I, p. 157.

[202] _Diary_, Vol. I, p. 355.

[203] _Diary_, Vol. III, p. 316.

[204] _Diary_, Vol. III, p. 394.

[205] _Diary_, p. 60.

[206] _Diary_, p. 81.

[207] Vol. I, p. 159.

[208] Vol. III, p. 1.

[209] Vol. I, p. 223.

[210] Page 136.

[211] Page 33.

[212] _Memoirs_, p. 29.

[213] _Memoirs_: p. 53.

[214] _Memoirs of an American Lady_, p. 35.

[215] Grant: _Memoirs of an American Lady_, pp. 55-57.

[216] Grant: _Memoirs_, p. 62.

[217a], [217b] Humphreys: _Catherine Schuyler_, p. 77.

[218] Page 83.

[219] Humphreys: _Catherine Schuyler_, p. 214.

[220] Humphreys: _Catherine Schuyler_, p. 213.

[221] Humphreys: _Catherine Schuyler_, p. 215.

[222] Humphreys: _Catherine Schuyler_, p. 209.

[223] Page 195.

[224] Page 24.

[225] Wharton: _Martha Washington_, p. 230.

[226] Page 45.

[227] Robertson: _Louisiana under Spain, France, and U.S._, Vol. I, p.
70.

[228] Robertson: Vol. I, p. 85.

[229] Robertson, Vol. I, p. 216.

CHAPTER VI

COLONIAL WOMAN AND MARRIAGE

_I. New England Weddings_

Of course, practically every American novel dealing with the colonial
period--or any other period, for that matter--closes with a marriage and
a hint that they lived happily ever afterwards. Did they indeed? To
satisfy our curiosity about this point let us examine those early
customs that dealt with courtship, marriage, punishment for offenses
against the marriage law, and the general status of woman after
marriage.

For many years a wedding among the Puritans was a very quiet affair
totally unlike the ceremony in the South, where feasting, dancing, and
merry-making were almost always accompaniments. For information about
the occasion in Massachusetts we may, of course, turn to the inevitable
Judge Sewall. As a guest he saw innumerable weddings; as a magistrate he
performed many; as one of the two principal participants he took part in
several. He has left us a record of his own frequent courtships, of how
he was rejected or accepted, and of his life after the acceptances; and
from it all one may make a rather fair analysis not only of the
conventional methods and domestic manners of New England but also of the
character and spirit of the other sex during such trying occasions. The
evidence shows that while a young woman was generally given her choice
of accepting or declining, the suitor, before offering his attentions,
first asked permission to do so from her parents or guardians. Thus a
marriage seldom occurred in which the parents or other interested
parties were left in ignorance as to the design, or ignored in the
deciding of the choice.

Sewall offers us sufficient proof on this point: "Decr. 7, 1719. Mr.
Cooper asks my Consent for Judith's Company; which I freely grant him."
"Feria Secunda, Octobr. 13, 1729. Judge Davenport comes to me between 10
and 11 a-clock in the morning and speaks to me on behalf of Mr.
Addington Davenport, his eldest Son, that he might have Liberty to Wait
upon Jane Hirst [his kinswoman] now at my House in way of
Courtship."[230] And it should be noted that the parents of the young
man took a keen interest in the matter, and showed genuine appreciation
that their son was permitted to court with the full sanction of the
lady's parents. Thus Sewall records: "Decr. 11. I and my Wife visit Mr.
Stoddard. Madam Stoddard Thank'd me for the Liberty I granted her Son
[Mr. Cooper] to wait on my daughter Judith. I returned the Compliment
and Kindness."[231]

It might well be conjectured that to toy with a girl's affections was a
serious matter. If the young man attempted without consent of the young
woman's parents or guardian to make love to her, the audacious youth
could be hailed into court, where it might indeed go hard with him. Thus
the records of Suffolk County Court for 1676 show that "John Lorin stood
'convict on his own confession of making love to Mary Willis without
her parents consent and after being forwarned by them, L5."[232]

But the lover might have his revenge; for if a stubborn father proved
unreasonable and refused to give a cause for not allowing a courtship,
the young man could bring the older one into court, and there compel him
to allow love to take its own way, or state excellent reasons for
objecting. Thus, in 1646 "Richard Taylor complained to the general Court
of Plymouth that he was prevented from marrying Ruth Wheildon by her
father Gabriel; but when before the court Gabriel yielded and promised
no longer to oppose the marriage."[233]

And then, if the young gallant (may we dare call a Puritan beau that?)
after having captured the girl's heart, failed to abide by his
engagement, woe betide him; for into the court he and her father might
go, and the young gentleman might come forth lacking several pounds in
money, if not in flesh. The Massachusetts colony records show, for
instance, that the court "orders that Joyce Bradwicke shall give unto
Alex. Becke the some of xxs, for promiseing him marriage wthout her
frends consent, & nowe refuseing to pforme the same."[234] Again, the
Plymouth colony records as quoted by Howard, state that "Richard
Siluester, in the behaife of his dautheter, and Dinah Siluester in the
behaife of herseife 'to recover twenty pounds and costs from John
Palmer, for acteing fraudulently against the said Dinah, in not pforming
his engagement to her in point of marriage.'" "In 1735, a woman was
awarded two hundred pounds and costs at the expense of her betrothed,
who, after jilting her, had married another, although he had first
beguiled her into deeding him a piece of land 'worth L100.'"

Serious as was the matter of the mere courtship, the fact that the dowry
or marriage portion had to be considered made the act of marriage even
more serious. The devout elders, who taught devotion to heavenly things
and scorn of the things of this world, nevertheless haggled and wrangled
long and stubbornly over a few pounds more or less. Judge Sewall seems
to have prided himself on the friendly spirit and expediteness with
which he settled such a matter. "Oct. 13, 1729. Judge Davenport comes to
me between 10 and 11 a-clock in the morning and speaks to me on behalf
of Mr. Addington Davenport, his eldest Son, that he might have Liberty
to Wait upon Jane Hirst now at my House in way of Courtship. He told me
he would deal by him as his eldest Son, and more than so. Inten'd to
build a House where his uncle Addington dwelt, for him; and that he
should have his Pue in the Old Meeting-house.... He said Madam Addington
Would wait upon me."[235]

Not only was provision thus made for the future financial condition of
the wedded, but also the possibility of the death of either party after
the day of marriage was kept in mind, and a sum to be paid in such an
emergency agreed upon. For example, Sewall records after the death of
his daughter Mary: "Tuesday, Febr. 19, 1711-2.... Dine with Mr. Gerrish,
son Gerrish [Mary's Husband], Mrs. Anne. Discourse with the Father
about my Daughter Mary's Portion. I stood for making L550 doe; because
now twas in six parts, the Land was not worth so much. He urg'd for
L600, at last would split the L50. Finally, Febr. 20, I agreed to charge
the House-Rent, and Differences of Money, and make it up L600."[236]

_II. Judge Sewall's Courtships_

The Judge's own accounts of his many courtships and three marriages give
us rather surprising glimpses of the spirit and independence of colonial
women, who, as pictured in the average book on American history, are
generally considered weak, meek, and yielding. His wooing of Madam
Winthrop, for instance, was long and arduous and ended in failure. She
would not agree to his proffered marriage settlement; she demanded that
he keep a coach, which he could not afford; she even declared that his
wearing of a wig was a prerequisite if he obtained her for a wife. Mrs.
Winthrop had been through marriage before, and she evidently knew how to
test the man before accepting. Not at all a clinging vine type of woman,
she well knew how to take care of herself, and her manner, therefore, of
accepting his attentions is indeed significant. Under date of October 23
we find in his _Diary_ this brief note: "My dear wife is inter'd"; and
on February 26, he writes: "This morning wondering in my mind whether to
live a single or a married life."[237]

Then come his friends, interested in his physical and spiritual welfare,
and realizing that it is not well for man to live alone, they begin to
urge upon him the benefits of wedlock. "March 14, 1717. Deacon Marion
comes to me, visits with me a great while in the evening; after a great
deal of discourse about his Courtship--He told [me] the Olivers said
they wish'd I would Court their Aunt. I said little, but said twas not
five Moneths since I buried my dear Wife. Had said before 'twas hard to
know whether best to marry again or no; whom to marry...."[238] "July 7,
1718.... At night, when all were gone to bed, Cousin Moodey went with me
into the new Hall, read the History of Rebeckah's Courtship, and pray'd
with me respecting my Widowed Condition."[239]

Thus urged to it, the lonely Judge pays court to Mrs. Denison but she
will not have him. Naturally he has little to say about the rejection;
but evidently, with undiscouraged spirit, he soon turns elsewhere and
with success; for under date of October 29, 1719, we come across this
entry: "Thanksgiving Day: between 6 and 7 Brother Moody & I went to Mrs.
Tilley's, and about 7 or 8 were married by Mr. J. Sewall, in the best
room below stairs. Mr. Prince prayed the second time. Mr. Adams, the
minister at Newington was there, Mr. Oliver and Mr. Timothy Clark....
Sung the 12, 13, 14, 15 and 16 verses of the 90th Psalm. Cousin S.
Sewall set Low-Dutch tune in a very good key.... Distributed
cake...."[240a]

But his happiness was short-lived; for in May of the next year this wife
died, and, without wasting time in sentimental repining, he was soon on
the search for a new companion. In August he was calling on Madam
Winthrop and approached the subject with considerable subtlety: "Spake
to her, saying, my loving wife died so soon and suddenly, 'twas hardly
convenient for me to think of marrying again; however I came to this
resolution, that I would not make my court to any person without first
consulting with her."[240b] Two months later he said: "At last I pray'd
that Catherine [Mrs. Winthrop] might be the person assign'd for me....
She ... took it up in the way of denial, saying she could not do it
before she was asked."[241a]

But, as stated above, Madam Winthrop was rather capricious and, in
popular parlance, she "kept him guessing." Thus, we read:

"Madam seem'd to harp upon the same string.... Must take care of her
children; could not leave that house and neighborhood where she had
dwelt so long.... I gave her a piece of Mr. Belcher's cake and
gingerbread wrapped up in a clean sheet of paper...."[241b]

"In the evening I visited Madam Winthrop, who treated me with a great
deal of courtesy; wine, marmalade. I gave her a News-Letter about the
Thanks-giving...."[242]

Two days later: "Madam Winthrop's countenance was much changed from what
'twas on Monday. Look'd dark and lowering.... Had some converse, but
very cold and indifferent to what 'twas before.... She sent Juno home
with me, with a good lantern...."[243a]

A week passed, and "in the evening I visited Madam Winthrop, who treated
me courteously, but not in clean linen as sometimes.... Juno came home
with me...."[243b]

Again, several days later, he seeks the charming widow, and finds her
"out." He goes in search of her. Finding her, he remains a few minutes,
then suggests going home. "...She found occasion to speak pretty
earnestly about my keeping a coach: ... She spake something of my
needing a wig...."[244]

Two days later when calling: "...I rose up at 11 o'clock to come away,
saying I would put on my coat, she offer'd not to help me. I pray'd her
that Juno might light me home, she open'd the shutter, and said 'twas
pretty light abroad: Juno was weary and gone to bed. So I came home by
star-light as well as I could...."[245]

The Judge was persistent, however, and called again. "I asked Madam what
fashioned neck-lace I should present her with; she said none at
all"[246] Evidently such coolness chilled the ardor of his devotion, and
he records but one more visit of a courting nature. "Give her the
remnant of my almonds; she did not eat of them as before; but laid them
away.... The fire was come to one short brand besides the block ... at
last it fell to pieces, and no recruit was made." The judge took the
hint. "Took leave of her.... Treated me courteously.... Told her she had
enter'd the 4th year of widowhood.... Her dress was not so clean as
sometime it had been. Jehovah jireh."[247]

A little later he turned his attention toward a Mrs. Ruggles; but by
this time the Judge was known as a persistent suitor, and one hard to
discourage, and it would seem that Mrs. Ruggles gave him no opportunity
to push the matter. At length, however, he found his heart's desire in a
Mrs. Gibbs and, judging from his _Diary_, was exceedingly pleased with
his choice.

_III. Liberty to Choose_

It seems clear that the virgin, as well as the widow, was given
considerable liberty in making up her own mind as to the choice of a
life mate, and any general conclusions that colonial women were
practically forced into uncongenial marriages by the command of parents
has no documentary evidence whatever. For instance, Eliza Pinckney wrote
in reply to her father's inquiry about her marriageable possibilities:

"As you propose Mr. L. to me I am sorry I can't have Sentiments
favourable enough to him to take time to think on the Subject, as
your Indulgence to me will ever add weight to the duty that
obliges me to consult that best pleases you, for so much
Generosity on your part claims all my Obedience. But as I know
'tis my Happiness you consult, I must beg the favour of you to
pay my compliments to the old Gentleman for his Generosity and
favorable Sentiments of me, and let him know my thoughts on the
affair in such civil terms as you know much better than I can
dictate; and beg leave to say to you that the riches of Chili and
Peru put together, if he had them could not purchase a sufficient
Esteem for him to make him my husband.

"As to the other Gentleman you mention, Mr. W., you know, sir, I
have so slight a knowledge of him I can form no judgment, and a
case of such consequence requires the nicest distinction of
humours and Sentiments.

"But give me leave to assure you, my dear Sir, that a single life
is my only Choice;--and if it were not as I am yet but eighteen
hope you will put aside the thoughts of my marrying yet these two
or three years at least.

"You are so good as to say you have too great an opinion of my
prudence to think I would entertain an indiscreet passion for any
one, and I hope Heaven will direct me that I may never disappoint
you...."[248]

Even timid, shrinking Betty Sewall, who as a child was so troubled over
her spiritual state, was not forced to accept an uncongenial mate;
although, of course, the old judge thought she must not remain in the
unnatural condition of a spinster. When she was seventeen her first
suitor appeared, with her father's permission, of course; for the Judge
had investigated the young man's financial standing, and had found him
worth at least L600. To prepare the girl for the ordeal, her father took
her into his study and read her the story of the mating of Adam and Eve,
"as a soothing and alluring preparation for the thought of matrimony."
But poor Betty, frightened out of her wits, fled as the hour for the
lover's appearance neared, and hid in a coach in the stable. The Judge
duly records the incident: "Jany Fourth-day, at night Capt. Tuthill
comes to speak with Betty, who hid herself all alone in the coach for
several hours till he was gone, so that we sought at several houses,
then at last came in of her self, and look'd very wild."[249]

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