Woman's Life in Colonial Days by Carl Holliday

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"We have an English proverb that says, 'He that would thrive must ask
his wife.' It was lucky for me that I had one as much dispos'd to
industry and frugality as myself. She assisted me chearfully in my
business, folding and stitching pamphlets, tending shop, purchasing old
linen rags for the paper makers, etc. We kept no idle servants, our
table was plain and simple, our furniture of the cheapest.... One
morning being call'd to breakfast, I found it in a china bowl with a
spoon of silver! They had been bought for me without my knowledge by my
wife.... She thought her husband deserv'd a silver spoon and china bowl
as well as any of his neighbors. This was the first appearance of plate
and China in our house, which afterwards in a course of years, as our
wealth increased, augmented gradually to several hundred pounds in
value."[103]

Again, he notes on going to England: "April 5, 1757. I leave Home and
undertake this long Voyage more chearful, as I can rely on your Prudence
in the Management of my Affairs, and education of my dear Child; and yet
I cannot forbear once more recommending her to you with a Father's
tenderest concern. My Love to all."[104]

Whether North or South the praise of woman's industry in those days is
much the same. John Lawson who made a survey journey through North
Carolina in 1760, wrote in his _History of North Carolina_ that the
women were the more industrious sex in this section, and made a great
deal of cloth of their own cotton, wool, and flax. In spite of the fact
that their families were exceedingly large, he noted that all went "very
decently appareled both with linens and woolens," and that because of
the labor of the wives there was no occasion to run into the merchant's
debt or lay out money on stores of clothing. And hundreds of miles north
old Judge Sewall had expressed in his _Diary_ his utmost confidence in
his wife's financial ability when he wrote: "1703-4 ... Took 24s in my
pocket, and gave my Wife the rest of my cash L4, 3-8 and tell her she
shall now keep the Cash; if I want I will borrow of her. She has a
better faculty than I at managing Affairs: I will assist her; and will
endeavour to live upon my salary; will see what it will doe. The Lord
give his blessing."[105]

And nearly seventy years later John Adams, in writing to Benjamin Rush,
declares a similar confidence in his help-meet and expresses in his
quiet way genuine pride in her willingness to meet all ordeals with him.
"May 1770. When I went home to my family in May, 1770 from the Town
Meeting in Boston ... I said to my wife, 'I have accepted a seat in the
House of Representatives, and thereby have consented to my own ruin, to
your ruin, and to the ruin of our children. I give you this warning that
you may prepare your mind for your fate.' She burst into tears, but
instantly cried in a transport of magnanimity, 'Well, I am willing in
this cause to run all risks with you, and be ruined with you, if you are
ruined.' These were times, my friend, in Boston which tried women's
souls as well as men's."

Surely men were not unmindful in those stern days of the strength and
devotion of those women who bore them valiant sons and daughters that
were to set a nation free. And, furthermore, from such tributes we may
justly infer that women of the type of Jane Turell, Eliza Pinckney,
Abigail Adams, Margaret Winthrop, and Martha Washington were wives and
mothers who, above all else, possessed womanly dignity, loved their
homes, yet sacrificed much of the happiness of this beloved home life
for the welfare of the public, were "virtuous, pious, modest, and
womanly," built homes wherein were peace, gentleness, and love, havens
indeed for their famous husbands, who in times of great national woes
could cast aside the burdens of public life, and retire to the rest so
well deserved. As the author of _Catherine Schuyler_ has so fittingly
said of the home life of her and her daughter, the wife of Hamilton:
"Their homes were centers of peace; their material considerations
guarded. Whatever strength they had was for the fray. No men were ever
better entrenched for political conflict than Schuyler and Hamilton....
The affectionate intercourse between children, parents, and
grand-parents reflected in all the correspondence accessible makes an
effective contrast to the feverish state of public opinion and the
controversies then raging. Nowhere would one find a more ideal
illustration of the place home and family ties should supply as an
alleviation for the turmoils and disappointments of public life."[106]

There are scores of others--Mercy Warren, Mrs. Knox, and women of their
type--whose benign influence in the colonial home could be cited. One
could scarcely overestimate the value of the loving care, forethought,
and sympathy of those wives and mothers of long ago; for if all were
known,--and we should be happy that in those days some phases of home
life were considered too sacred to be revealed--perhaps we should
conclude that the achievements of those famous founders of this nation
were due as much to their wives as to their own native powers. The
charming mingling of simplicity and dignity is a trait of those women
that has often been noted; they lived such heroic lives with such
unconscious patience and valor. For instance, hear the description of
Mrs. Washington as given by one of the ladies at the camp of
Morristown;--with what simplicity of manner the first lady of the land
aided in a time of distress:

"Well, I will honestly tell you, I never was so ashamed in all my
life. You see, Madame ----, and Madame ----, and Madame Budd, and
myself thought we would visit Lady Washington, and as she was
said to be so grand a lady, we thought we must put on our best
bibbs and bands. So we dressed ourselfes in our most elegant
ruffles and silks, and were introduced to her ladyship. And don't
you think we found her _knitting and with a speckled (check)
apron on!_ She received us very graciously, and easily, but after
the compliments were over, she resumed her knitting. There we
were without a stitch of work, and sitting in State, but General
Washington's lady with her own hands was knitting stockings for
herself and husband!"

"And that was not all. In the afternoon her ladyship took
occasion to say, in a way that we could not be offended at, that
it was very important, at this time, that American ladies should
be patterns of industry to their countrywomen, because the
separation from the mother country will dry up the sources whence
many of our comforts have been derived. We must become
independent by our determination to do without what we cannot
make ourselves. Whilst our husbands and brothers are examples of
patriotism, we must be patterns of industry."[107]

_X. Interest in the Home_

Many indeed are the hints of gentle, loving home life presented in the
letters and records of the eighteenth century colonists. Domestic life
may have been rather severe in seventeenth century New England--our
histories make more of it than the original sources warrant--but the
little touches of courtesy, the considerate deeds of love, the words of
sympathy and confidence show that those early husbands and wives were
lovers even as many modern folk are lovers, and that in the century of
the Revolution they courted and married and laughed and sorrowed much as
we of the twentieth century do. Sometimes the hint is in a letter from
brother to sister, sometimes in the message from patriot to wife,
sometimes in the secret diary of mother or father; but, wherever found,
the words with their subtle meaning make us realize almost with a shock
that here were human hearts as much alive to joy and anguish as any that
now beat. Hear a message from the practical Franklin to his sister in
1772: "I have been thinking what would be a suitable present for me to
make and for you to receive, as I hear you are grown a celebrated
beauty. I had almost determined on a tea table, but when I considered
that the character of a good housewife was far preferable to that of
being only a gentle woman, I concluded to send you a spinning
wheel."[108]

And see in these notes from him in London to his wife the interest of
the philosopher and statesman in his home--his human longing that it
should be comfortable and beautiful. "In the great Case ... is contain'd
some carpeting for a best Room Floor. There is enough for one large or
two small ones; it is to be sow'd together, the Edges being first fell'd
down, and Care taken to make the Figures meet exactly: there is
Bordering for the same. This was my Fancy. Also two large fine Flanders
Bed Ticks, and two pair large superfine Blankets, 2 fine Damask Table
Cloths and Napkins, and 43 Ells of Ghentish Sheeting Holland.... There
is also 56 Yards of Cotton, printed curiously from Copper Plates, a new
Invention, to make Bed and Window Curtains; and 7 yards Chair
Bottoms...."[109]

"The same box contains 4 Silver Salt Ladles, newest, but ugliest
Fashion; a little Instrument to core Apples; another to make little
Turnips out of great ones; six coarse diaper Breakfast Cloths, they are
to spread on the Tea Table, for nobody Breakfasts here on the naked
Table; but on the cloth set a large Tea Board with the Cups...."
"London, Feb. 14, 1765. Mrs. Stevenson has sent you ... Blankets,
Bedticks.... The blue Mohair Stuff is for the Curtains of the Blue
Chamber. The Fashion is to make one Curtain only for each Window. Hooks
are sent to fix the Rails by at the Top so that they might be taken down
on Occasion...."[110]

It does the soul good and warms the heart toward old Benjamin to see him
stopping in the midst of his labors for America to write his wife: "I
send you some curious Beans for your Garden," and "The apples are
extreamly welcome, ... the minced pies are not yet come to hand.... As
to our lodging [she had evidently inquired] it is on deal featherbeds,
in warm blankets, and much more comfortable than when we lodged at our
inn...."[111]

Surely, too, the home touch is in this message of Thomas Jefferson at
Paris to Mrs. Adams in London. After telling her how happy he was to
order shoes for her in the French capital, he continues: "To show you
how willingly I shall ever receive and execute your commissions, I
venture to impose one upon you. From what I recollect of the diaper and
damask we used to import from England, I think they were better and
cheaper than here.... If you are of the same opinion I would trouble you
to send me two sets of table cloths & napkins for twenty covers
each."[112] And again he turns aside from his heavy duties in France to
write his sister that he has sent her "two pieces of linen, three gowns,
and some ribbon. They are done in paper, sealed and packed in a
trunk."[113]

And what of old Judge Sewall of the previous century--he of a number of
wives and innumerable children? Even in his day, when Puritanism was at
its worst, or as he would say, at its best, acts of thoughtfulness and
mutual love between man and wife were apparently not forgotten. The
wonderful _Diary_ offers the proof: "June 20, 1685: Carried my Wife to
Dorchester to eat Cherries, Raspberries, chiefly to ride and take the
Air. The time my Wife and Mrs. Flint spent in the Orchard, I spent in
Mr. Flint's Study, reading Calvin on the Psalms...."[114] "July 8, 1687.
Carried my wife to Cambridge to visit my little Cousin Margaret...."[115]
"I carry my two sons and three daughters in the Coach to Danford, the
Turks head at Dorchester; eat sage Cheese, drunk Beer and Cider and came
homeward...."[116]

Thus human were those grave fathers of the nation. History and fiction
often conspire to portray them as always walking with solemnity, talking
with deep seriousness, and looking upon all mortals and all things with
chilling gloom; but, after all, they seem, in domestic life at least, to
have gone about their daily round of duties and pleasures in much the
same spirit as we, their descendants, work and play. As Wharton in her
_Through Colonial Doorways_ says: "The dignified Washington becomes to
us a more approachable personality when, in a letter written by Mrs.
John M. Bowers, we read that when she was a child of six he dandled her
on his knee and sang to her about 'the old, old man and the old, old
woman who lived in the vinegar bottle together,' ... or again, when
General Greene writes from Middlebrook, 'We had a little dance at my
quarters. His Excellency and Mrs. Greene danced upwards of three hours
without once sitting down. Upon the whole we had a pretty little frisk."

And does not John Adams lose some of his aloofness when we see the
picture his wife draws of him, submitting to be driven about the room by
means of a switch in the hands of his little grandchild? In the
eighteenth century home life was evidently just as free from unnecessary
dignity as it is to-day, and possibly wives had even more genuine
affection and esteem for their husbands than is the case in the
twentieth century. Mrs. Washington's quiet rebuke to her daughter and
some lady guests who came down to breakfast in dressing gowns and curl
papers, may be cited as at least one proof of consideration for the
husband. Seeing some French officers approaching the house, the young
people begged to be excused; but Mrs. Washington shook her head
decisively and answered, "No, what is good enough for General Washington
is good enough for any of his guests." Indeed much of this famous man's
success must be attributed to the noble encouragement, the
considerateness, and the unsparing industry of his wife. The story is
often told of how the painter, Peale, when he hesitated to call at seven
in the morning, the hour for the first sitting for her portrait, found
that even then she had already attended morning worship, had given her
niece a music lesson, and had read the newspaper.

Brooke in _Dames and Daughters of Colonial Days_ furnishes another
example of the kindly consideration so common among colonial husbands
and wives. Mrs. John Adams, who was afflicted with headaches, believed
that green tea brought relief, and wrote her husband to send her a
canister. Some time afterwards she visited Mrs. Samuel Adams, who
refreshed her with this very drink:

"The scarcity of the article made me ask where she got it. She
replied that her sweetheart sent it to her by Mr. Gerry. I said
nothing, but thought my sweetheart might have been equally kind
considering the disease I was visited with, and that was
recommended as a bracer."

"But in reality 'Goodman' John had not been so unfeeling as he
appeared. For when he read his wife's mention of that pain in her
head he had been properly concerned and straightway, he says,
'asked Mrs. Yard to send a pound of green tea to you by Mr.
Gerry.' Mrs. Yard readily agreed. 'When I came home at night,'
continues the much 'vexed' John, I was told Mr. Gerry was gone. I
asked Mrs. Yard if she had sent the canister. She said Yes and
that Mr. Gerry undertook to deliver it with a great deal of
pleasure. From that time I flattered myself you would have the
poor relief of a dish of good tea, and I never conceived a single
doubt that you had received it until Mr. Gerry's return. I asked
him accidently whether he had delivered it, and he said, 'Yes; to
Mr. Samuel Adams's lady.'"[117]

American letters of the eighteenth century abound in expressions of love
and in mention of gifts sent home as tokens of that love. Thus, Mrs.
Washington writes her brother in 1778: "Please to give little Patty a
kiss for me. I have sent her a pair of shoes--there was not a doll to be
got in the city of Philadelphia, or I would have sent her one (the shoes
are in a bundle for my mamma)."[118] And again from New York in 1789 she
writes: "I have by Mrs. Sims sent for a watch, it is one of the cargoe
that I have so often mentioned to you, that was expected, I hope is such
a one as will please you--it is of the newest fashion, if that has any
influence in your taste.... The chain is of Mr. Lear's choosing and such
as Mrs. Adams the vice President's Lady and those in the polite circle
wares and will last as long as the fashion--and by that time you can get
another of a fashionable kind--I send to dear Maria a piece of chintz to
make her a frock--the piece of muslin I hope is long enough for an apron
for you, and in exchange for it, I beg you will give me the worked
muslin apron you have like my gown that I made just before I left home
of worked muslin as I wish to make a petticoat of the two aprons,--for
my gown ... kiss Maria I send her two little handkerchiefs to wipe her
nose..."[119]

_XI. Woman's Sphere_

With all their evidence of love and confidence in their wives, these
colonial gentlemen were not, however, especially anxious to have
womankind dabble in politics or other public affairs. The husbands were
willing enough to explain public activities of a grave nature to their
help-meets, and sometimes even asked their opinion on proposed
movements; but the men did not hesitate to think aloud the theories that
the home was woman's sphere and domestic duties her best activities.
Governor Winthrop spoke in no uncertain terms for the seventeenth
century when he wrote the following brief note in his _History of New
England_:

(1645) "Mr. Hopkins, the governour of Hartford upon Connecticut, came
to Boston and brought his wife with him (a godly young woman, and of
special parts), who was fallen into a sad infirmity, the loss of her
understanding and reason, which had been growing upon her divers years,
by occasion of her giving herself wholly to reading and writing, and had
written many books. If she had attended to her household affairs, and
such things as belong to women, and not gone out of her way and calling
to meddle in such things as are proper for men, whose minds are
stronger, etc., she had kept her wits, and might have improved them
usefully and honorably in the place God had set her."

Thomas Jefferson, writing from Paris in 1788 to Mrs. Bingham, spoke in
less positive language but perhaps just as clearly the opinion of the
eighteenth century: "The gay and thoughtless Paris is now become a
furnace of politics. Men, women, children talk nothing else & you know
that naturally they talk much, loud & warm.... You too have had your
political fever. But our good ladies, I trust, have been too wise to
wrinkle their foreheads with politics. They are contented to soothe &
calm the minds of their husbands returning ruffled from political
debate. They have the good sense to value domestic happiness above all
others. There is no part of the earth where so much of this is enjoyed
as in America. You agree with me in this; but you think that the
pleasures of Paris more than supply its wants; in other words, that a
Parisian is happier than an American. You will change your opinion, my
dear madam, and come over to mine in the end. Recollect the women of
this capital, some on foot, some on horses, & some in carriages hunting
pleasure in the streets in routes, assemblies, & forgetting that they
have left it behind them in their nurseries & compare them with our own
country women occupied in the tender and tranquil amusements of domestic
life, and confess that it is a comparison of Americans and angels."[120]

And Franklin writes thus to his wife from London in 1758: "You are very
prudent not to engage in party Disputes. Women never should meddle with
them except in Endeavors to reconcile their Husbands, Brothers, and
Friends, who happen to be of contrary Sides. If your Sex can keep cool,
you may be a means of cooling ours the sooner, and restoring more
speedily that social Harmony among Fellow Citizens that is so desirable
after long and bitter Dissension."[121] Again, he writes thus to his
sister: "Remember that modesty, as it makes the most homely virgin
amiable and charming, so the want of it infallably renders the perfect
beauty disagreeable and odious. But when that brightest of female
virtues shines among other perfections of body and mind in the same
mind, it makes the woman more lovely than angels."[122]

What seems rather strange to the twentieth century American, the women
of colonial days apparently agreed with such views. So few avenues of
activity outside the home had ever been open to them that they may have
considered it unnatural to desire other forms of work; but, be that as
it may, there are exceedingly few instances in those days, of neglect of
home for the sake of a career in public work. Abigail Adams frequently
expressed it as her belief that a woman's first business was to help
her husband, and that a wife should desire no greater pleasure. "To be
the strength, the inmost joy, of a man who within the conditions of his
life seems to you a hero at every turn--there is no happiness more
penetrating for a wife than this."[123]

Women like Eliza Pinckney, Mercy Warren, Jane Turell, Margaret Winthrop,
Catherine Schuyler, and Elizabeth Hamilton most certainly believed this,
and their lives and the careers of their husbands testify to the success
of such womanly endeavors. Mercy Warren was a writer of considerable
talent, author of some rather widely read verse, and of a History of the
Revolution; but such literary efforts did not hinder her from doing her
best for husband and children; while Eliza Pinckney, with all her wide
reading, study of philosophy, agricultural investigations, experiments
in the production of indigo and silk, was first of all a genuine
homemaker. In fact, some times the manner in which these true-hearted
women stood by their husbands, whether in prosperity or adversity, has a
touch of the tragic in it. Beautiful Peggy Shippen, for instance, wife
of Benedict Arnold--what a life of distress was hers! Little more than a
year of married life had passed when the disgrace fell upon her.
Hamilton in a letter to his future wife tells how Mrs. Arnold received
the news of her husband's guilt: "She for a considerable time entirely
lost her self control. The General went up to see her. She upbraided him
with being in a plot to murder her child. One moment she raved, another
she melted into tears. Sometimes she pressed her infant to her bosom and
lamented its fate, occasioned by the imprudence of its father, in a
manner that would have pierced insensibility itself." "Could I forgive
Arnold for sacrificing his honor, reputation, duty, I could not forgive
him for acting a part that must have forfeited the esteem of so fine a
woman. At present she almost forgets his crime in his misfortunes; and
her horror at the guilt of the traitor is lost in her love of the
man."[124]

Her friends whispered it about New York and Philadelphia that she would
gladly forsake her husband and return to her father's home; but there is
absolutely no proof of the truth of such a statement, and it was
probably passed about to protect her family. No such choice, however,
was given her; for within a month there came to her an official notice
that decisively settled the matter:

"IN COUNCIL
"Philadelphia, Friday, Oct. 27, 1780.

"The Council taking into consideration the case of Mrs. Margaret
Arnold (the wife of Benedict Arnold, an attainted traitor with
the enemy at New York), whose residence in this city has become
dangerous to the public safety, and this Board being desirous as
much as possible to prevent any correspondence and intercourse
being carried on with persons of disaffected character in this
State and the enemy at New York, and especially with the said
Benedict Arnold: therefore

"RESOLVED, That the said Margaret Arnold depart this State within
fourteen days from the date hereof, and that she do not return
again during the continuance of the present war."

It is highly probable that she would ultimately have followed her
husband, anyhow; but this notice caused her to join him immediately in
New York, and from this time forth she was ever with him, bore him four
children, and was his only real friend and comforter throughout the
remainder of his life.

_XII. Women in Business_

Despite the popular theory about woman's sphere, men of the day
frequently trusted business affairs to her. A number of times we have
noted the references to the confidence of colonial husbands in their
wives' bravery, shrewdness, and general ability. Such belief went beyond
mere words; it was not infrequently expressed in the freedom granted the
women in business affairs during the absence of the husband. More will
be said later about the capacity of the colonial woman to take the
initiative; but a few instances may be cited at this point to show how
genuinely important affairs were often intrusted to the women for long
periods of time. We have seen Sewall's comment concerning the financial
ability of his wife, and have heard Franklin's declaration that he was
the more content to be absent some time because of the business sense of
Mrs. Franklin. Indeed, several letters from Franklin indicate his
confidence in her skill in such affairs. In 1756, while on a trip
through the colonies, he wrote her: "If you have not Cash sufficient,
call upon Mr. Moore, the Treasurer, with that Order of the Assembly, and
desire him to pay you L100 of it.... I hope a fortnight ... to make a
Trip to Philadelphia, and send away the Lottery Tickets.... and pay off
the Prizes, etc., tho' you may pay such as come to hand of those sold in
Philadelphia, of my signing.... I hope you have paid Mrs. Stephens for
the Bills."[125]

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