The London Bawd: With Her Character and Life by Anonymous

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_Pray how was that_, said the Goldsmith's Lady?

It is a Story worth your hearing, _reply'd the Bawd_; and if you please
I'll give you the Relation of it, as I had it from one of the Gentlemen
concern'd therein. _You will Oblige me very much_; answer'd the Lady.
Whereupon the Bawd thus began.

It happened that two Gentlemen belonging to the Army (of which the one was
my Particular Acquaintance, and a good Customer to my House) taking Water
at the _Still-yard_, was minded to divert themselves upon the River, by
going up to _Chelsie_-Reach; where they sometimes met with pretty Ladies
proper for their Purpose, But as they were going along, they perceived a
very fine Gentlewoman in a rich Garb, in a _Sculler_, all alone; and also
observed that she made the _Sculler_, who was a good likely Young Man, row
her sometimes one way, and sometimes another, without going to any certain
Place. This gave 'em occasion to Conjecture that she had appointed some
Spark or other to meet her thereabouts, whose coming she expected with some
Impatience; as they easily perceiv'd:

_For that which frets a Woman most,_
_Is when her Expectation's crost._

After she had near half hour in that manner fluctuated to and fro upon the
silver Surges of _Thamesis_, like one of the _Nereides_, and found she was
disappointed; she bid the _Sculler_ Land her at the _Three Cranes_, which
he accordingly did; and the Gentlemen likewise order'd their _Oars_ to Land
'em at the same Place; and observ'd, after the Lady was Landed, that the
_Sculler_ ask'd for his Money, and she bid him follow her; and after he
follow'd her into _Thames-street_, he began to grumble, and told her he
cou'd go no further, and therefore he wou'd have his Money; which she wou'd
not give him whithout he went wither she was going, telling him she wou'd
pay him for his time. This made the Gentlemen dog her, and soon after saw
her go into the _Three-Cranes Tavern_, and the _Sculler_ after her; which
the Gentlemen seeing, and (being resolv'd to know the bottom of this
intrigue) follow'd them into the same Tavern; and bid the Drawer, if it was
possible, let them have the next Room to that which the Gentlewoman had,
who came in just before 'em with a _Waterman_ following her: The Drawer
told 'em there was Company in the next Room then, but they were paying
there Reckoning, and would be gone immediately; and in the mean time
desir'd 'em to walk into a Box in the Yard, which they accordingly did; and
whilst they sat there, they saw the Waterman go out again. Presently after
the Drawer came and told 'em that the Room was now empty, which they
forthwith went into, and had the conveniency through a hole in the Wall, to
see the Gentlewoman unseen, who sat leaning her Arm upon the Table, in a
very melancholy Posture, as one much dissatisfy'd; having a Glass of Wine
before her, and Pen, Ink and Paper. Soon after the Waterman comes in again,
and tells her the Gentleman had not been at home since Morning, nor did
they know where he was. Where's the Note that I gave you, says she? Which
he giving her, she took and tore it, and then burn'd it, Then taking the
Glass, what's your Name, Waterman, said she? An't please you, Madam, my
Name's _John_: Well, then honest _John_ here's to ye, says she; and drank
off her Glass, and made _John_ fill a Brimmer and drink it off. And then
_John_ offering to go, she said, No, _John_, you shan't go yet, I have
something to eat, and you shall stay and eat with me: Don't be uneasie
_John_, for I'll pay you well for your time. Presently up comes the Drawer
and brings a _Lobster_ and a Piece of _Sturgeon_, with him; then bidding
the Drawer bring a Quart of _Canary_ up, she ask'd _John_ whether he lov'd
_Lobster_ and _Sturgeon_? Yes, very well, Madam, reply'd _John_, but they
are too good for my common Eating. After the other Quart of _Canary_ was
brought up, and the Drawer gone down, she bid _John_ come nearer and sit
down; and at last having both eat and drank Plentifully, she pull'd _John_
close to her, and told him he look'd like a clever well-made Fellow, and
ask'd him, if he did'nt think himself capable of doing a Ladies Business?
which put _John_ so much out of Countenance he did'nt know what to say to
her: Upon which, first Embracing the Dull Fool in her Arms, Come, says she,
let's see how well you're furnish'd: And then putting her Hand into his
Breeches, _John_ began to think she was in Earnest, and made as bold with
her; giving her what she wanted; and then calling for another Quart of
Wine, and having drank and repeated their Amorous Embraces two or three
times, she gave _John_ a Guinea; and told him she lik'd him so well, that
she would go by Water with him that day Sennight; and charg'd him to meet
her then at five a Clock, at _Paul's Wharf_; and she wou'd then give him
such another Treat. Which _John_ promis'd her to do, and so went away very
well Satisfied. The two Gentlemen who (unseen of her) had seen and heard
all those Passages; were resolv'd to make a further Discovery of the
Gentlewoman and so dogg'd her home to her own House, which happen'd to be
at a _Woollen-Drapers_ in St. _Paul's Church-Yard_. Having thus seen her at
her own House they left her, and went to their own Lodgings.

The next Morning they went into _Paul's Church-Yard_ to make the Lady a
visit, but past many times to & fro before the Door, but cou'd'nt get a
sight of her. In the Afternoon they came again, and having waited up and
down about an hour, they at last saw her in the Shop, and knew her to be
the same Person: Whereupon going into the Shop they ask'd her to see some
of the best _Scarlet-Cloth_, and whilst the other Gentleman was busie in
choosing the Cloth, my Friend took an opportunity to tell the Lady what a
Passion he had for her, and how ready he wou'd be to serve her with the
greatest hazard, and how he hop'd to be made happy with the enjoyment of
her last Favours; but she seeming to be mightily affronted at his
Discourse, told him, That if he did'nt leave off prating at that rate to
her, she would call to her Man to Kick him out of the Shop: Which
disdainful Carriage did so much exasperate him, that he replyed with some
heat, Why Madam, do you think I cann't do your Business as well as _John_
did, at the _Three-Cranes_ Tavern in _Thame-street_, last Night? These
words made her change as Pale as Death: Sir, said she, As you are a
Gentleman, I hope you won't expose me: And I'll oblige you in what'e'er you
ask me.--Chuse your Cloth, says she, and I'll come down to you presently.
And then going up Stairs she return'd again in two minutes, and put twenty
Guineas into his hands, to pay for the Cloth, appointing to meet 'em at the
old Tavern an hour after; which she did accordingly, gratifying both the
Gentlemen with the same Favours she had bestow'd the Night before upon
_John_ the Waterman, whose Nose these Gentlemen had put out of
joint.--Judge you now, Madam, what a case this Gentlewoman had been in, had
she fallen into other hands. But all such accidents are avoided by those
that make use of such a House as mine.

The Bawd having made an End of her Discourse, after a little pause, The
Goldsmith's Lady thus began:

_I return you many Thanks for the Relation of your Life: Your Advice before
has sav'd my Reputation to my Husband and the World; which he who had first
Tempted me to Lewdness, and overcame me through the Love of Money, would
have afterwards Expos'd; for which I think my self oblig'd to you: But the
Relation you have now given me, has Oblig'd me much more; for it has made
me quite out of Love with the Trade you have all along follow'd; if for
nothing else, because of the Dangers that attend it. For if you look back,
and reflect upon your first going astray, it was full of danger and hazard;
and how private so ever you thought you were in it, yet it could not escape
your Husbands Jealousie and Mistrust; and at last, when you least suspected
it, was fully discover'd by your Gallant himself. And that occasion'd your
being turn'd out of Doors; and that taking all sense of shame from you, (as
you well observed) exposed you to a thousand Temptantions; which being
suited to your own Natural Inclinations, you presently closed withal; which
in a little time was, it seems, attended by the Pox; and which besides,
many times laid you open to the Cognizance of the Civil Magistrate; and
made you afraid of every one you saw; which must needs be a very uneasy
Life.--I can speak some thing of this by my own experience: For after I had
given way to Mr. _Bramble_'s desires, and yeilded to his Unlawful Embraces,
I was so full of Guilt, that when ever my Husband call'd hastily to me, or
spoke in the least angrily, I thought it was to tell me of my playing the
Whore with Mr. _Bramble_, my guilt still flying in my Face; so that I wou'd
not be expos'd to the like Fears again, for double the value of what I
receiv'd from him. But having been over come by him, the fear of his
exposing of me, as I perceive he intended, had not you helpt me to prevent
him, caus'd me to serve him as I did._--But you cannot imagine, (said she)
what a Consternation I was put into the other Night, when a Constable that
lives hard by us, and is one of the Society for Reformation, came to our
House, and told my Husband he came to tell him of some Discoveries he had
lately made, which were worth his hearing: My blood came all into my Face,
and I did not question but that I was to be the Subject of his Discourse.
But when I had heard out his Stories, I was better satisfy'd: Tho' they
were such as sufficiently declare the Danger, that such as you are dayly
in, of being detected, as those were of whom he gave my Husband a Relation:
Which indeed I thought to be diverting enough, as long as it did not
concern me. For tho' we care not to be expos'd our selves, we are yet ready
to take a kind of pleasure in hearing that others are so.

If it were not too great a trouble (said the Bawd) I should be glad to hear
what those Discoveries were, that he made to your Husband; which perhaps
may be of use to me in knowing how to prevent the like Disasters.

I shall esteem it no trouble (reply'd the Gentlewoman) to tell you any
thing I can, that may be serviceable to you; especially, if it may but
prevail with you to leave off a Calling that is so hazardous as well as
wicked--But that will be more proper to discourse, when I have given you
the Constable's Relation; and that I shall give you in his own words; which
were as follows:

Being resolved, if possible, to prevent all that Debauchery that is acted
in the Streets of this great City every Night, I dress'd up my self as like
a Beau as possibly I could, and then taking my short Staff in my Pocket, I
went t'other Night abroad, to see what Discoveries I could make: And as I
went along the _Strand_, I met with a young Woman by the New _Exchange_,
who pretending to stumble, catch'd hold of my Coat, to save her self from
falling, and begg'd my Pardon for her Rudeness: I soon understood her
meaning, and looking upon her to be one of those Cattle I was in quest of,
I ask'd her whither she was going? She told me as far as _Sheer-Lane_, to
an Aunt of hers, where she Lodged, and she should be glad of my Company; by
which, being confirmed in what I before thought, I bid her go on, and I
would follow her, which I also did: and coming to the place said he, I
found there an old wither'd Bawd, who presently had us into a Room, and
ask'd us what we wou'd drink? I told her what the young Woman pleas'd; who
hereupon call'd for a Bottle of Ale. I told her I cou'd'nt drink, and
therefore bid her call her Aunt to drink with her: The old Woman coming in,
I bid her sit down, and ask'd her, how long she had follow'd that Trade;
What Trade, Sir, says she? Of keeping Nieces, said I: For I understand you
are this young Woman's Aunt. O Sir, said she, you are a merry Gentleman. I
have followed this Trade of being an Aunt, ever since Age made me uncapable
of being a Niece. That's a long Time ago, said I; but I believe it had been
better for you to have gone a _Nurse-keeping_, then a _Neice-keeping_.
That's your mistake Sir, says she: For as old as I am, I had rather hear a
young Girl and a brisk Spark Sing their Song by Turns, than to hear an old
Man grunting a Bed, and be oblig'd to hang my Nose continually over a
Close-Stool or a Chamber-Pot. A Glass of good Ale or Wine now and then, or
a Dram of cool _Nantz_, is more chearing to my old Spirits, than to be
sipping and tasting a little Stale Pearl Cordial or Juleps, or indeed any
Apothecaries Slop. Well, said I, you are a cunning old Woman; but pray let
me talk now to your Neice a little. Pray, how many such Aunts have you?
Why, truly Sir, said she, I have one at every corner of the Town, and lodge
sometimes with one, and sometimes with another, as I have occasion. Well
but, said I, had you not better go to Service then be burdensome to your
Freinds? No, Damn it, says she, I had rather be my own Mistress, and go to
Bed and rise when I will, then to be curb'd by every Snotty Dame. I
remember once, said she, I met with an old Master, who had a Colts Tooth in
his Head, and he would be smugling me, and kissing me in a corner, tho his
Breath was enough to turn my Stomach: but for the sake of a rusty Shilling
now and then, I was content to humour him. But when once my Mistress came
to know it, I had a Peal rung about my Ears, with the Tongs, and was forc'd
to pack out of Doors. Another time, I met with a young Master, and an old
Dame, and he wou'd always watch for an opportunity to catch me making the
Bed when my old Mistress was abroad at Market, or else sat wrapt in Flannel
by the Kitchen Fire; and with a thousands Langushing Looks and soft
Expressions, he would wish his Wife were as young and as handsome as I: or
that she was dead that he and I might make a match on't. By which means I
was betray'd to part with my Virgin-Treasure, and lick the Butter off my
old Mistresses Bread, with a very good Appetite. At last, the rising of my
Belly discover'd what I would willingly have conceal'd; this caus'd me to
be turn'd out of Doors, and left to provide for my self and a Child. Which,
when I was brought a Bed, I dispos'd to a poor Woman, who got her Living
with it, by begging in the Streets. And then finding I cou'd'nt be free
from Mens solicitations whilst a Servant, I e'en betook my self to the
present Employment, wherein I meet with Men enough, and am at no care, to
provide for Children.--When she had given an Account of her Life, said the
Constable, I then thought it was time to reprove them. And, addressing my
self to the Wench, said I, Would it not now have been a great Mortification
to you, if instead of following you to your Lodgings, I had deliver'd you
to a Constable, who had made you sit up all Night in the Round-house, and
sent you next Morning to _Bridewell_, to beat Hemp for your Living. The
young Slut nothing daunted by what I had said (says the Constable)
presently pluck'd up her Coats, and told me she'd find me other Business to
do. I seeing that pull'd out my Short Constables Staff, and told her she
didn't know her Danger, and had therefore best forbear her Impudence, or I
should quickly make her sensible that I had Power to punish her. This put
both the Old Woman and her self into a great fright; and altering her Tone,
she prayed me not to molest 'em and they would gratifie me any way
imaginable. And the Old Woman prayed me not to be severer to her then
others of my Office had formerly been: For, said she, this is not the first
time that I have been threatted in this manner, and I never yet found a
Constable, nor indeed scarce a Justice of Peace whom it was not in my Power
some time or other to oblige, either by my Purse, or in the way of my
Trade. For I have such fine Women at my Command, continued she, as are able
to Charm the most insensible Persons. I then told them, says the Constable,
That good Advice was meerly thrown away upon 'em, but I wou'd take another
Course that was more effectual; and so (says he) calling the Watch, they
were both sent that Night to the _Counter_> and the next day to
_Bride-well_; where they are still beating Hemp. And this Course (said the
Constable) I intend to take, as often as I meet with any of them.

When the Constable had made an End, my Husband and I both applauded his
Conduct. And tho' I have once been overcome; yet I resolve never to be
guilty of the like Folly again. Nor is it yet too late for you to repent
_said the Goldsmith's Lady to the Bawd_; tho you have run through so long a
course of Wickedness; which if you still continue in, will sooner or later
bring you to certain ruine.

Well, said the Bawd, I thought to have serv'd you, by the way of Gratitude,
for your kindness and Liberality to me, in my way of Business: But seeing
you are otherwise determined, I thank you for your Advice: and am very glad
that by my Discourse and seeing the Errors of my Life, you may come to
rectifie your own: My advice herein being the same with that of a late
great Debauchee, that writ a Book of his Life,

_Read, but don't practice: For the Author finds_
_They that live honest, have most quiet minds._

* * * * *

FINIS.

* * * * *

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