The London Bawd: With Her Character and Life by Anonymous

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THE

London-Bawd:

WITH HER

CHARACTER

AND

LIFE:

Discovering the

Various and Subtle

Intrigues

OF

Lewd Women

* * * * *

The Third Edition.

LONDON, Printed for _John Gwillim_ near _Sun Yard_, in _Bishopsgate-Steet_,
1705. Price 3 _s_

* * * * *

THE

London-Bawd.

* * * * *

CHAP. I.

_Her Character: Or what she is._

A BAWD

Is the Refuse of an Old Whore, who having been burnt herself, does like
Charcoal help to set greener Wood on Fire; She is one of Natures Errata's,
and a true Daughter of _Eve_, who having first undone herself, tempts
others to the same Destruction. She has formerly been one of _Sampson's
Foxes_, and has carried so much fire in her Tail, as has burnt all those
that have had to do with her: But the mark being out of her Mouth, and she
grown past her own Labour, yet being a well-wisher to the Mathematicks, she
sets up for a Procurer of fresh Goods for her old Customers. And so careful
she is to help Men to good Ware, that she seldom puts a Comodity into their
hands, but what has been try'd before; and having always prov'd well,
thinks she can Warrant 'em the better. She's a great Preserver of
Maiden-heads; for tho' she Exposes 'em to every new Comer, she takes care
that they shall never be lost: And tho' never so many get it, yet none
carries it away, but she still has it ready for the next Customers. She
thinks no Oracle like that of Fryar _Bacon_'s brazen-Head, and is very
forward to tell you that _Time Was_ when the best Gentlemen wou'd have
prefer'd her before any Lady in the Land: But when She repeats _Time's
Past_, She makes a Wicked Brazen Face, and even weeps in the Cup, to allay
the Heat of her Brandy. She's a great Enemy to all Enclosures, for whatever
she has, she makes it common. She hates _Forty One_ as much as an old
Cavalier, for at that Age she was forc'd to leave off Whoring and turn
Bawd: Her Teeth are all fallen out; at which her Nose and her Chin are so
much concern'd, that they intend to meet about it in a little time, and
make up the difference. She's the most like a _Medlar_ of any thing, for
she's never _ripe_ till she's _rotten_. She is never without store of
_Hackney Jades_, which she will let _any one Ride_, that will _pay for
their hire_. She is the very Magazine of Taciturnity; for whatever she
sees, she says nothing; it being a standing Maxim with her, _That they that
cannot make Sport, shou'd spoil none_. She has Learnt so much Philosophy as
to know that the Moon is a dark-Body, which makes her like it much better
then the Sun, being more Suitable for her Business: Besides she's still
_changing Quarters_, now Waxing and then Waining, like her: Sometimes i'th'
Full, and flush'd with store of Customers; and at another time i'th' Wane,
and beating Hemp in _Bridewel_. She has been formerly a Pretender to
Musick, which makes her such a great Practitioner in _Pick-Song_, but She
is most expert at a _Horn-Pipe_. She understands _Means_ a little, but
_Trebles_ very well, and is her self a perfect _Base_. Tho' she lives after
the Flesh, yet all is Fish that comes to her Net: For she is such a cunning
Angler, that she don't fear getting her Living by Hook or by Crook. She has
Baits ready for all Fish, and seldom fails to catch some: Of a
_Countrey-Gentleman_ she makes a _Cods-head_; and of _a rich Citizens Son_
a _Gudgeon_; _a Swordsman in Scarlet_, she takes for _Lobster_; and a
severe _Justice of Peace_, she looks on as a _Crab_: Her _Poor Customers_,
are like _Sprats_, and _Pilchards_, who are more considerable for their
number than they are for their Value; whilst the _Punk_ is her _Salt Eel_,
and the _Pander_ her _Shark_ and her _Swordfish_. Her Charity is very
great, for she Entertains all Comers, and not only finds 'em _Beds_, but
_Bed-fellows_ too, of that Sex which shall be most agreeable to them; Which
is a Conveniency a man may go to twenty _Honest-Houses_ and not Meet with.
She brings more _Wicked Wretches_ to Repentance than many a good
_Preacher_; for, let 'em be as stubborn as they will, yet she'll leave them
such a _Twinging Remembrance_ in their _Joynts_, that their very _Bones_
shall ake, but she'll make them repent that e'er they had to do with her.
And to some Notorious Wretches, she'll fix such a visible _Mark_ in their
_Faces_, as shall make 'em the Derision and the Loathing of all People; and
so bring 'em to Repentance _with a Pox to 'em_. Yet she has very little
_Conscience_, for she makes nothing of Selling _One Commodity_ to _Twenty
Customers_: And for all she cheats them at that rate, she don't fear
loosing their Custom. She's often _broke_, and as often _sets up again_;
which She does without any great charge; for three strong Water-Bottles,
Two ounces of Tobacco, and a Couple of Countrey Wenches, is as much as will
set her up at any Time. Her Breath stinks worse than a Bear-garden, her
Furniture consists of a Bed, a Plaister-Box and a Looking Glass: and a Pimp
to bring in Customers. She sits continually at a Rack Rent, especially if
her Landlord bears office in the Parish, because he may screen her from the
Cart and _Bridewel_. She hath only this one shew of Temperance, that let
any Gentleman send for Ten Pottles of Wine in her House, he shall have but
Ten Quarts; and if he want it that way, let him pay for't and take it out
in Stew'd flesh. She has an Excellent Art in Transforming Persons, and can
easily turn a Sempstress into a Waiting-Gentlewoman: But there is a kind of
Infection that attends it, for it brings them to the falling Sickness. The
Justices Clerk is her very good Friend, and often makes her Peace with the
Justice of _Quorum_; for which when he makes her a Visit, She always help
him to a fresh Bit, which She lets him have upon her Word; and assures him
she won't put a Bad Commodity into his Hand. There is nothing daunts her so
much as the Approach of _Shrove-Tuesday_; for she's more afraid of the Mob,
than a Debtor of a Serjeant, Or a Bayliff in an Inns of Court. He that hath
past under her hath past the Equinoctial; and he that escapes her, has
Escap'd a Rock which Thousands have been split upon to their Destruction.

Thus have I briefly represented my Bawd unto the Readers View in her own
proper Colours, and set her forth in a true Light. I will therefore thus
conclude her Character.

__A Bawd_ is the chief instrument of evil,_
__Tempter_ to _Sin_, and _Factor_ for the _Devil__
_Whose sly Temptations has undone more Souls_
_Than there are Stars between the Worlds two Poles._
_She ruines _Families_ to advance her _Treasure_,_
_And reaps her _Profit_ out of others _Pleasure_:_
_Pleasures attended with so black a stain,_
_That they at last end in _Eternal Pain_._
_Her ways so various are, they're hard to tell,_
_By which she does betray poor Souls to Hell._
_Smooth is her _Tongue_, and Subtile are her ways_
_And by _false Pleasures_ to _True Pain_ betrays._
_The _Bane of Virtue_, and the _Bawd_ to _Vice_,_
__Pander_ to _Hell_, is this _She-Cockatrice_._
_She's like the _Devil_, seeking every hour_
_Whom she may first _Decoy_, and then _Devour_:_
_Let every thinking Mortal then beware,_
_And, that he comes not near her House, take care:_
_For She'll Betray (her fury is so fell)_
_Your _Body_ to the _Pox_, your _Soul_ to _Hell_._

* * * * *

CHAP. II.

_Of Pimps and Panders, what they are: with a Dialogue between a Whore,
a Pimp, a Pander, an old Bawd, and a Prodigal Spend-Thrift about
Preheminence._

In the House of Sin; I mean in a Bawdy House, there are other Instruments
of Wickedness besides Bawds and Whores: For tho' the Bawd be the Person
that keeps the House, and manages all in cheif, yet there are other
Necessary Hangers-on belonging thereunto; and these are called Pimps and
Panders, which are indeed a Sort of He-Bawds, and Procurers of Whores for
other Men; of which one who is called a Pimp, is cheifly employ'd abroad,
both to bring in Customers, and to procure such Wenches as are willing to
be made Whores of: And these are a sort of Persons so far degenerated below
humanity that they will sometimes procure their own Wives to be Whore for
other Men. As an instance whereof, not long since two Men went into a
House, to drink, not thinking it to be a Bawdy-House; but as soon as the
Beer was brought in, there came in a Female Creature to 'em, who quickly
let 'em understand what she was, and also in what sort of House they were
got. One of them took her by the Hand, and Began to grow very familiar with
her; and found he might have any Kindness from her which he had a mind to,
for asking; but the other seeing him ingross the wench to himself, began to
Storm, and Knock, and Call, at a strange rate; upon which the man of the
House came up presently, and desir'd to know what was the matter? Why you
Impudent Rascal, says he, have you but one Whore in the House, that you
make me thus stand empty-handed, like a Jack-a-napes, while my Companion's
trading with the other? The Pimp seeing the Man in such a Passion, Good
Sir, says he be pacify'd, and I'll go down and sent up my own Wife to wait
upon ye: Which he did accordingly.--Those that are called Pandars, are in a
strict sense such as keep always within doors, and have the management of
matters in the House. These, are they that bring the Rogues, and Whores
together, and wait upon them whilst they are acting of their filthiness.

These Brethren in iniquity with the rest of the Bawdy-house Crew, were in a
hot Dispute about Priority, every one striving to be chief: And what their
several Arguments were, I shall next give you an Account of; and afterwards
shew you more of their Pranks. The first that stood upon her Pantables, as
being chief, was the Whore, and thus it was she manag'd her Cause.

_Whore._ That I ought to take place of the rest, is what none can without
Impudence and great Injustice deny me: For 'tis I that bring in all your
Livings, 'tis I that venture my Carcase, nay, that venture my Soul too; and
all to get an honest livelihood. Yes Mr. _Pimp_, for all your sneering, I
say an honest livelihood; for I cheat no body, but pay for what I have, and
make use of nothing but what's my own, and that no body can hinder me from.
And I think 'tis better for me, and less hazardous, to get my living by my
Tail, then to turn Thief and steal from other Folks. Besides, I'll suffer
nobody to have to do with me, but What I like; nor lie with any but whom I
love; I make no Price with any Man; but take what they freely give; and
therefore I can't properly be said to be a Whore, for Whores are they that
trade for Hire and make Bargains before-hand, which I never do. And
therefore seeing I maintain you all, you ought to acknowledge me to be the
cheif, and give me the Preheminence; for you all live by the Blood that
runs in my Veins; for did not my Beauty invite Men, and my Embraces please
'em, you cou'dn't all of you get water to wash your hands, but wou'd be as
poor as so many Church-Mice.

To this the Pimp thus replyed.

_Pimp._ Your run too fast, Mrs _Minx_, and are a little too Confident: For
tho 'tis my place to attend, yet 'tis I that give a Credit and Reputation
to all you do; I walk along the Streets so boldly, and so spruce, and so
all-to-be-sented with sweet Powder, cocking my Beaver and looking big, that
I make the greatest Gallant I meet give me the Wall, as if I were a Person
of Quality; And when any comes hither they are won by my complemental and
genteel Discourse; my comely presence brings in many a Guest into the
House, besides particular Acquaintance: So that I may well affirm I am the
Prop of the House. If I didn't introduce Gentleman into your Company, I
wonder what you'd do; you might e'en sit still, and be forc'd to make use
of a _Dildo_, before any Body would come to you if it wan't for me.

This Speech of the _Pimp_, stirr'd up the Fury of the _Pander_, who with a
great deal of heat made him this Answer.

_Pander._ Thou prating Cockscomb of a Pimp! Do'st think that I'm an
Underling to thee! No I'd have you to know I'm above thee: We'll quickly
try which is the most useful. An't I intrusted with all the Gentlemens
Secrets; Don't I keep the Door? Nay, been't I the Overseer of all? Sure
then I must be the better Man. Besides, I suit the Wenches with such
Gallants as are of their own Complexions, and are the best liking to 'em;
and in all difficult Cases which happen, they still ask my advice, for
giving which, I often get a double Fee. And if I stay at home, 'tis only to
make an Ass of thee whilst thou'rt abroad; for where thou get'st one
Shilling a Broad, I get Five at Home. If I shou'd go away, I am sure the
Custom wou'd quickly drop off; for I am the Person most respected by the
Customers, and therefore I think I have the best Title of you all to
Preheminence.

Old Mother Damnable the Bawd having stood by all this while, and heard all
their Allegations, at last broke forth into a very great Laughter; and
after having given vent to her Risible Faculty, made em' this Answer.

_Bawd._ I can't chuse but laugh to hear the Fools prate about Preheminence:
They would all fain be Masters, and yet they know they are but all my
Servants; they make their Boast, of this and that, and talk of their great
gains: and forget that I rule the Roast, and that both their gains and
their very being here, depends upon my Pleasure: Pray Gentlemen, whose
House is this? I hope you look upon the House to be mine, and I am sure I
bought the Furniture. And yet you talk as if I had nothing to do here;
whereas you might all have gone a Begging before now, if I had not took you
into my Service. And you, Mrs. _Minx_ because you're a little handsome, you
begin to grow Proud and don't consider that if I had'nt prefer'd you to the
Station you are in, you must have been a Scullion-Wench, or gone to washing
and Scowring: Was'nt it I that bought you those fine Cloths, put you into
the Equipage you are in? Alas you were but a meer Novice in sinning till I
put you into the way, and taught you. You have forgot how bashful you were
at first, and how much ado I had to bring you to let a Gentleman take you
by the _Tu quoque_. And now I have brought you to something, that you can
get your own living, you begin to slite me.--And you Mr. _Pimp._ wa'n't you
a pitiful Rogue, till I took you into my Service? Pray who would have
regarded you in those Rags I found you in? And now I have put you into a
good Garb, and made a man of you, you wou'd fain be my Master, I warrant
ye! But I'll take care to hinder that; and if you don't know your self, I
do. Nay, there's your Brother _Pander_ too, is e'en as bad, and can't tell
when he's well; Because I allow him the vails belonging to his Place, he
fancies himself a Master too, and wou'd have all be rul'd by his advice:
But I shall make you know there's two words to that Bargain. I think I
shou'd know what belongs so such a House better than any of you all. I was
brought up to't when I was young: and spent my young days in Love my self;
but being disabled by Age and Weakness, I had that Affection for the Trade,
that I entertain'd others to carry it on; bringing 'em up to my hand with
much care; and therefore surely I must needs have more experience in it
than another: and if you won't acknowledge me to be the chief, and Mistress
of you all, I'll make you.

The old Bawd having made an End, and put to Silence all the other Boasts,
there was a young Prodigal Spark that had wasted a fair Estate in being a
Customer to her House, thought he had now a fit opportunity to put her in
Mind of his own Merits, and therefore thus began.

_Prodigal._ I perceive you are all very ambitious of having the
Preheminence; but to be plain with you, there's no body deserves it but my
self: For talk what you will, it is but prating to no purpose. You know the
old Prover, _Talk is but Talk, but 'tis Money buys Land_; and I am sure
'twas only for Money to supply you withal, that I have sold mine. And
therefore when you have all said what you can, what wou'd you all do, if I
didn't help you to Money? If I and such as I forsake your House, you may go
Hang your selves. 'Tis I that Satisfies the Whore, and pay the Fees of both
the Pimp and Pander. And for you, Mrs. Bawd, what'er your layings out are,
your comings in are chiefly from my hands; for you have neither House nor
Lands to secure you; but 'tis upon my Purse, that you depend; and I am he
that keeps you all alive. And since I am at all this cost, it is just that
it should be acknowledged, and that you all should own me for your Master.
Your own Interest speaks for me, and therefore I need say the less.

The Prodigal having made an end, they all agreed that it was best for them
to hang together, since their Interest was all the same: And therefore each
of them should keep their several Stations; and acknowledge the Bawd for
their Mistress, and the young Spend-Thrift for their Benefactor.

* * * * *

CHAP. III.

_How a Young Woman, by the help of an Old _Bawd_, Enjoy'd her Lover and
Deceiv'd her Husband._

Having already given you the Character of a _Bawd_, and shown you her Plea
for Preheminence in the Art of Wickedness, I now come to shew you by what
famous Atcheivements she comes to deserve it. And when you have seen her
cunning in Contriving, and her Patience in Suffering; you must readily
acknowledge she is one that spares no Pains to be Superlatively Wicked.

In the West of _England_ there lived not long since an Ancient Gentleman to
whom Providence had been very propitious, in blessing him with a fair
Estate, so that he wanted for no outward Accommodations that might make his
Life as happy as he cou'd desire: This Gentleman, being an Old Batchelor,
had more Wealth than Wisdom, and Desire to Act, than Ability to perform.
For nothing would serve his turn but a Wife; and she must be a Young one
too; for tho' he was an Old Man yet he had young Inclinations, and fancies
himself as brisk at Three-score and Ten, as when he was but Thirty: You may
easiely imagine a Man of his Estate cou'd not be long without several
Offers when his mind was known: For Wealth has so many Charms in it, that
it often blinds the Eyes of Parents, and makes them mistake their true
Interest, with respect to the Disposal of their Children; which consists
not so much in being married to Rich Husbands, as to those that are
suitable for them. The Beautiful young Daughter of a Decay'd Gentleman was
offer'd to this Old Letcher, who being sensible that he could not expect a
handsome young Wife with a great Fortune, readily acceps of this, who
wanted no Accomplishments to render her a Bride worthy of a better Husband,
or at least one more suitable: The young Gentlewoman, was not half so fond
of the match as her Parents, who perswaded her to it; and as an
Encouragement told her that her old Husband could not live long and when he
dy'd, she wou'd have the Advantage of a good Estate to get her a better
Husband; and tho she had but few Suitors now, for want of a Portion
answerable to her Birth and Beauty, yet when the Case was so alter'd, she
cou'd not be long without very advantagious offers: These Reasons prevail'd
with the young Gentlewoman to accept of the Old Cuff for a Husband; and
they were married accordingly.

But as I have already said, the Old Gentleman had more Desire than Ability;
and the young Lady was fain to accept of his good Wishes instead of that
due Benevolence which she had reason to expect from a Husband; the want of
which made her too soon repent of what she found was now too late to help.

There unhappily happen'd to be not far from their House an Old Bawd that
had been us'd to lend her Charitable Assistance to distressed Ladies in
such Cases; who having observ'd the late Languishing of the young Lady,
rightly judged it proceeded from the Disappointment she met with from her
Old Husband; this Embolden'd the old Bawd to take a convenient time to make
her a Visit; and by such subtile Discourses as she us'd she soon found out
the true Cause of the young Gentlewoman's Discontent; upon which the Bawd
discourses her in this manner:

Madam

_I hope you will excuse the Boldness I take to speak to you, which nothing
cou'd have extorted from me, but the Compassion I have for you, to see so
much Blooming Youth and Beauty cast away upon one that knows not how to
make use of it; I am sensible that one of your Years and Gaity, can't meet
with a greater Affliction than to be thus under a Notion of being Married,
depriv'd of the true ends of Marriage: 'Tis like being married without a
Husband, to be married to such a Husband as can do nothing. You know Madam,
we are commanded to increase and multiply: But let the Soyl be fruitful as
it will, there's no encrease can be expected where no Seed is sown. This,
Madam, makes me bold to tell you, that you are wanting to your self, and to
the end of your Creation, if you don't find out ways to supply that defect
and disability, which through Extremity of Age your Husband labours under.
I am acquainted, with a Gentleman, brisk, young and airy, One that's in the
Flower of his Youth; That I am surely would gladly sacrifice himself and
all he has to serve a Lady in your Circumstances; and I have that
compassion for your Suffering that I would gladly lend my helping hand to
bring so good a work as that about, that you might reap that Satisfaction
which your Youth and Beauty calls for, and which your Husband is too
impotent to give you._

The Bawd having made an end of her Harangue, the Gentlewoman told her she
was much oblig'd to her for that sense she had of her Condition, which she
acknowledg'd to be what she represented it: But told her she durst not make
use of the Remedy, she had propounded, First, because it was Sinful, and
Secondly because it was very hazardous; for her Husband being sensible of
his own Imbecility, was so extreamly Jealous, tho she had never given him
any Cause, it would render all attempts of that Nature very difficult to
manage; and it would be much better to desist from attempting it, than to
Miscarry in the Attempts.

The cunning Bawd observing that tho the young Gentlewoman had mention'd the
Sinfulness of what she had propounded to her, yet she did not so much
insist upon that, as on the hazard and difficulty of attempting it; which
gave her so much Encouragement of Succeeding, that she told her, as to the
Sinfulness of it, considering her Circumstances, she could not think it was
any; for if she could have had the due benevolence from her Husband which
he ought to give her, she would not have sought it elsewhere: And therefore
if it was at all a Sin, it was a venial one, which might be easily
forgiven: But as to the last, that it is hazardous and difficult because of
your Husbands Jealousie, this is indeed chiefly to be considered; for Old
men that can do nothing themselves, are the most Jealous least others
should supply their Places: and yet notwithstanding all his Jealousie,
leave but the management of that Affair to me, and tho, he had the Eyes of
_Argus_, we'll deceive him.

The Young Woman was soon perswaded to what she had before a Mind to. And
therefore gives up herself intirely to the Conduct of this Old Bawd: Who
told her she would acquaint the Gentleman that had so great a Passion for
her; that he was not unacceptable to her, and order him to pass by the
door, to and fro, several times the next day, that so she might see him out
of her Chamber-Window, after which Interview, they wou'd concert the
measures that were to be taken, in order to their coming together. This
being agreed upon, the old Bawd took her leave of the young Lady for that
Time; and goes to a Spark with whom she was in Fee, and told him what a
prize she had procured for him, and order'd him to Equip himself to the
best advantage, and walk to and fro before the Window at such a time, when
he should see her.

The Gallant was presently fired at the News; and resolved to omit nothing
that might contribute to the Ladies satisfaction on his part: And therefore
Finifies himself to such a degree, that no Beau in Town could exceed him,
and walked upon the Parade according to the time appointed: The Lady on her
part observing the time as exactly, in being at the Window; and all those
Amorous Salutations past between them, which the distance of the Place
would admit; both of them wishing with Equal desire, for an opportunity to
quench their mutual Flames.

But this Interview was not so privately carried on, but it was perceived by
the Old Gentleman, whose restless Jealousie kept him perpetually waking: He
saw from the Chamber-Window where he was, the frequent Perambulation of the
Amorous Gallant, and how he cast an Eye, as he passed by at his Ladies
Window: This made the old Gentleman to apprehend there must be something
more than ordinary in those reiterated Walks of the young Gallant; which
gave the old Impotent so sensible a Disquiet, that he resolved to know the
Bottom of it. And without taking the least Notice of what he had perceiv'd,
he seem'd more fond and good humour'd than ordinary towards his Lady; who
on the contrary being now full of hopes she shou'd enjoy another that wou'd
meet her Flames with equal Vigor, carry'd her self towards him with such a
strange indifference as did but more confirm her Husband in his Jealousie:
Who the next day inform'd his Lady that the Day following he must go out of
Town about some Business he had in the Countrey, which wou'd necessitate
his Absence from her for some Time; but told her that she must not take it
ill, for he would hasten his Return with all the Expedition that his
Business wou'd permit him.

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