The Young Lady's Mentor by A Lady
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A Lady >> The Young Lady\'s Mentor
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The world is sometimes surprised to see extraordinary proofs of moral
influence exercised by persons who never planned, never aimed, to obtain
such influence,--nay, whose conduct is never regulated by any fixed aim
for its attainment; the fact is, that those characters are composed of
truth and love;--truth, which prevents the assumption even of virtues
which are not natural, thereby adding to the influence of such as are;
love, the most contagious of all moral contagions, the regenerating
principle of the world!
The virtue which mainly contributes to the support of
consistency--without which, in fact, consistency cannot exist--is
simplicity: consistency of conduct can never be maintained by characters
in any degree double or sophisticated, for it is not of simplicity as
opposed to craft, but of simplicity as opposed to sophistication, that I
would here speak, and rather as the Christian virtue, single-mindedness;
the desire to _be_, opposed to the wish to _appear_. We have seen how
rarely influence can be gained where no faith can be yielded; now an
unsimple character can never inspire faith or trust. People do not
always analyze mental phenomena sufficiently to know the reason of this
fact, but no one will dispute the fact itself. It is true there are
persons who have the power of conciliating confidence of which they are
unworthy, but it is only because (like Castruccio Castrucciani) they are
such exquisite dissemblers, that their affection of simplicity has
temporarily the effect of simplicity itself. This power of successful
assumption is, fortunately, confined to very few, and the pretenders to
unreal virtues and the utterer of assumed sentiments are only ill-paid
labourers, working hard to reap no harvest-fruits.
An objection slightly advanced before, may here naturally occur again,
and may be answered more fully, viz. the opposition of the conventional
forms of society to entire simplicity of thought and action, and
consequently to influence. The influence which conventionalism has over
principle is to be utterly disclaimed, but its having an injurious
influence over manner is far more easily obviated; so easily, indeed,
that it may be doubted whether there be not more simplicity in
compliance than in opposition. Originality, either of thought or
behaviour, is most uncommon, and only found in minds above, or in minds
below, the ordinary standard; neither is this peculiar feature of
society in itself a blame-worthy one: it arises out of the constitution
of man, naturally imitative, gregarious, and desirous of approbation.
Nothing would be gained by the abolition of these forms, for they are
representatives of a good spirit; the spirit, it is true, is too often
not there, but it would be better to call it back than to abolish the
form. We have an opportunity of judging how far it would be convenient
or agreeable to do so, in the conduct of some _soi-disant_ contemners of
forms; we perceive that such contempt is equally the offspring of
selfishness with slavish regard: it is only the exchange of the
selfishness of vanity for the selfishness of indolence and pride, and
the world is the loser by the exchange. Hypocrisy has been said to be
the homage which vice pays to virtue. Conventional forms may, with
justice, be called the homage which selfishness pays to benevolence.
How then is simplicity of character to be preserved without violating
conventionalism, to which it seems so much at variance, and yet, which
it ought not to oppose? By the cultivation of that spirit of which
conventional forms are only the symbol, by training children in the
early exercise of the kind the benevolent affections, and by exacting in
the domestic circle all those observances which are the signs of
good-will in society, so that they may be the emanations of a benevolent
heart, instead of the gloss of artificial politeness. Conventionalism
will never injure the simplicity of such characters as these, nay, it
may greatly add to their influence, and secure for their virtues and
talents the reception that they deserve; it is a part of benevolence to
cultivate the graces that may persuade or allure men to the imitation of
what is right. "Stand off, I am holier than thou," is not more foreign
to true piety, than "Stand off, I am wiser than thou," is to true
benevolence, as relates to those "things indifferent," in which we are
told that we may be all things to all men.
The cultivation of domestic politeness is a subject not nearly enough
attended to, yet it is the sign, and ought to be the manifestation, of
many beautiful virtues--affection, self-denial, elegance, are all called
into play by it; and it has a potent recommendation in its being an
excellent preservative against affectation, which generally arises from
a great desire to please, joined to an ignorance of the means of
pleasing successfully. It is to be hoped that these remarks will not be
deemed trifling or irrelevant in a chapter on the means of securing
personal influence. Powers of pleasing are a very great source of that
influence, and there is no telling how great might be the benefit to
society, if all on whom they are bestowed (and how lavishly they are
bestowed on woman!) would be persuaded to use them, not as a means of
selfish gratification, but as an engine for the promotion of good.[113]
Such powers are as sacred a trust from the Creator as any other gift,
and ought to be equally used for his glory and the advancement of moral
good. Virtue, indeed, in itself is venerable, but it must be attractive
in order to be influential. And how attractive it might be, if the
powers of pleasing, which can cover and even recommend the deformity of
vice, were conscientiously excited in its behalf! This is the peculiar
province of women, and they are peculiarly fitted for it by Nature.
Their personal loveliness, their versatile powers, and lively fancy,
qualify them in an eminent degree to adorn, and by adorning to
recommend, virtue and religion.
Cosi all' egro fanciul porgiamo aspersi
Di soare licor gli orli del vaso.
FOOTNOTES:
[113] It was a beautiful idea in the mythology of the ancients, which
identified the Graces with the Charities of social life.
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